Leila22

37 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why not use thread titles that would help you such as "looking for new therapist" ? Also it would help if you weren't so snippy with people who responded to your other multiple "tw"  threads. Keep in mind that only professional help can treat you. Including the appropriate  non profit helpline organizations. 

"Although the subject has generated political controversy, research suggests that trigger warnings are neither harmful nor especially helpful. Among people without traumatic experiences, "trigger warnings did not affect anxiety responses to potentially distressing material in general.""

Just leave me alone ty. I used a tw to let others know what I was referring to. 

I emailed hopefully I'll get a reply 

1 hour ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Honey, I'm so sorry.

Please know that I hear your pain and empathize with you 💜

I do suggest a female therapist as well and she'll show you the way to healing and feeling empowered.

How's your support network? Do you have people who can support you and listen to you?

Are you taking care of yourself?

Thank you so much! I do hope I can get a female therapist! Much love x

Thank you.

12 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

You need to find a female therapist. NONE of this was your fault. If you need more help there is https://www.rainn.org/

Thank you.

12 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Time to find a new therapist.

I'll email them as I don't feel comfortable asking in person.

Just now, boltnrun said:

How are they judgmental?

Maybe time to find a new therapist.

He is a creep to put it exact. Therapist before let me talk but he always has to have every word. I also see him checking me out too.

8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

The attack was not your fault.

Are you receiving any professional counseling to help you deal with your trauma?

I see a therapist yes. But there judgemental 

What did you even send me

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

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I don't want to take my life.. but cba anymore 

All I think about is when I was raped by a guy I met while I was out walking to re fresh my head from thoughts I was having.

I didn't do anything, I wasn't wearing anything to cause him to rape me. I just cant get over it 😞 I feel disgusting.

😭😭😭. It's all my fault.

On 3/13/2022 at 8:45 PM, boltnrun said:

The subforum title is "Suicide and Self Harm". OP has a history of (and I believe is currently) self harming.

THANK YOU

18 hours ago, greendots said:

That's good news! One day at a time 🙂 and, please, feel free to post here any time.

 

limichelle: your post touched me. I can't imagine having to go through such a horrible experience. I'm glad to hear you're doing better. xx

Tysm

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Go to the ER again. Stop threatening suicide. Everyone gave you tons of help, hotlines to call, excellent advice. 

In the United States:

Dial 9-1-1 for emergencies

National Suicide Prevention Hotline - General crisis support / suicide hotline with phone and chat options

Crisis Textline - Crisis and suicide support via text messaging

The Trevor Project - Support for LGBTQ+ youth 25 years old or younger via phone, chat, and text

In Canada:

Dial 9-1-1 for emergencies

Canada Suicide Prevention Service - Crisis support /suicide hotline with phone and chat options

Kids Help Phone - Support for young adults and children via phone, chat, and text

Crisis Textline - Crisis and suicide support via text messaging

Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention - Find crisis centers and resources by province

In the United Kingdom:

Dial 9-9-9 or 1-1-2 for emergencies

Samaritans - Crisis support / suicide hotline with phone, chat, text, and e-mail options

Give Us a Shout - Crisis support via text messaging

LGBT Foundation Helpline - Crisis support for LGBT people via phone and e-mail

Childline - Crisis support via phone or chat for young people

In Australia:

Dial 0-0-0 for emergencies

Lifeline - Crisis support / suicide hotline with phone, chat, and text options

QLife - Crisis support for LGBTIQ+ people from peers, and for all others via phone and chat

Kids Help Line - Crisis support for young adults and children via phone, email, and chat

In Other Parts of the World:

Wikipedia's List of Emergency Telephone Numbers catalogs emergency numbers around the world, organized by country.

Wikipedia's List of Crisis Support Lines page catalogs many crisis support resources around the world, organized by country.

I'm not threatening it.. I wasn't feeling suicidal lol. I just said things are tough.. *** is wrong with u..

Things are so tough, I actually so useless.

On 3/9/2022 at 9:11 PM, greendots said:

I would hug you if I could. You're not alone.

Please get help immediately. For you and your daughter's sake. You'll find numbers here: https://findahelpline.com/

 

Feel free to keep writing here if it helps you. We care. ❤️

 

Thank you- I went to the er so I'm pleased, I'm getting the help I need so thank you everyone!

My ex is and what he did is really getting to me, I know it sounds selfish but I wish I could just keep being hurt or me hurting myself non stop as I'm finding it hard and I'm really feeling ***ed up. I honestly, do not know if what he did can keep me alive, I feel so hopeless and alone and my head is full of rubbish I cannot cope I really just want a hug 😭

18 hours ago, Jibralta said:

There's nothing disappointing about you 💝

HUGS!!

18 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Happy Woman's day 🙂

Awww, thanks!! ((())))) Hugs!

15 hours ago, spinstermanquee said:

As Jibralta said ^^^ no disappointments here only hugs (((((((   ))))))) and congrats for doing and standing up for you and your child

Ur amazing, honestly, thank you so much! Cannot thank you all enough, I feel so loved thank you!

17 hours ago, boltnrun said:

You definitely need to see a doctor immediately so you can get help. A doctor can refer you to a psychiatrist for diagnosis and strong supportive medical help.

Your situation is much too serious for hotlines to be of much assistance other than providing a referral to a doctor.

If you had a heart attack would you call a hotline? If not, you need to treat your mental health with the same sense of urgency you'd treat a heart attack.

Please contact a doctor right away to get help.

Thank you!

19 hours ago, limichelle said:

I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I know exactly how you feel with self blame. I too was raped this past summer and there’s moments still eight months later even after intense therapy I still blame myself. 
 

May I suggest trauma therapy? I promise it works and it helps a ton! It won’t take the pain completely away but it will help you manage it so you don’t keep harming yourself.

Yes, I'm on the waiting list! Thank you!

17 hours ago, 1a1a said:

Seconding get a mental health care professional on your team. But also, be a lot more forgiving of yourself. You did what you needed to to survive and that’s not to be ashamed of (by which I mean not just conscious choices of actions but also instinctual in the thick of danger). And you made it, and he’s your ex now! 
 

You might find this video helpful for understanding your own actions 

 

I'll take a look, thanks again!

Sorry for venting.

2 minutes ago, NLYid88 said:

Thanks y'all. As someone who has struggled with attachment in the past (breakups ALWAYS hit me hard, especially this one that I thought would be my last)- I have to say that the ONLY thing you can really control is the way you think about things. Control of that will allow you to master your actions and your behaviours to affect others in a more positive way. What people do with that is up to them- again, NOT IN YOUR CONTROL.

 

People often talk about growth in simplistic terms like it's as easy as learning to play the guitar, getting a hair cut, or going travelling- that's the facade. Real growth is understanding yourself, accepting you are not perfect, and accepting that your ego is often the real enemy. It's what makes you cling onto dark thoughts for too long, act impulsively and fail to understand how and why you really feel about certain things.

I'm not spiritual in any way AT ALL, but mastery of your own ego seems to work pretty well for some Eastern belief systems where inner peace is really the ultimate outcome.

 

Thanks all.

Big big hugs! I fully understand, as I am not with him but it's long story 

So, I keep harming myself for what my ex did and left me with, bruises scars memories of horrid times etc, but for some reason I'm punishing myself for his actions, 50 part of me says its not ur fault but the other 50 says it is your fault, so I cannot decide and I feel alone in my head waiting for me to stop but I'm gonna reach out for support. 

I've felt really low since he raped me, yes I know I should of got help but he took away everything, any mobile device I had to contact anyone etc so I had no one to reach out to. He'd also threaten me if I told anyone what was happening I'd be dead, but that's when I started self harming which really made me plumit down because self harm is a pain relief well for me it is but the pain still comes back which sucks but right now I'm working with police to move on from this man!! I'm feeling so much stronger since I left him and moved away so he can't find me etc and now I'm working with police for my safety!!

14 minutes ago, NLYid88 said:

I genuinely disagree with "healthy relationships are not this difficult". All relationships take work and even great ones go through hardships.

Completely agree with her ego being the driving force, although again, I cannot control someone else's feelings. Everyone has an ego and they are fragile things. I'm trying to grow as a person and not be driven by my own ego- part of that process has led me to try to be empathetic towards myself and others. To be kind towards my own shortcomings and forgive others for theirs. Just because someone hurts you, it doesnt make them a bad person. The severity of my own feelings has very little to do with the objective truth of the situation- if there is such a thing. This is why i cannot judge her for feeling the way she does. Again, this comes from a place of trying to be empathetic and not just live in the ego bubble of "I'm perfect and i've been wronged". It's never that simple. If this is to be a moment of personal development for me, I need to be able to operate from a place that is not dictated by my own feelings of injustice. I just cannot allow myself to become a slave to simplistic, binary thinking. I think a lot of people go from relationship to relationship and all they change is their expectations of their partner- and learn nothing about themselves except maybe get a new hobby (thats not really growth- thats just what you spend your time doing).

I see a lot of pretty binary sentiment on this forum- "dumpers are evil" etc that really lacks nuance of the situation. I really appreciate the input from everyone here and it has definitely given me a different perspective on the outcome of this relationship but I cannot be untrue to the fact that for a majority of the relationship we were very happy, and I'm not just speaking for myself here. I do agree that it hurts because I put a lot of time and energy into a relationship that did not work out. I do not think that i dodged a bullet- people's priorities change as their lives develop and we just got to a point where our priorities did not align any more.  

 

Anyway, all this to say that I appreciate all your responses. And while this relationship was not "the one", she isn't even close to being a bad person, or a bad match for me. It just didnt work out at this moment in our lives. Both of us deserve to be happy and deserve to have the freedom to do what is necessary to achieve that. You don't really get any closure from that, often the sense of futility of the time spent is really what gets me down. I have to take this as an opportunity to understand myself better. I can't changer her or what she thinks, but I can use this opportunity to better myself.

 

Oh, and by the way for anyone interested in this stuff, yes I am a Cancerian. 😉 

So proud of you!!

3 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

You're AWESOME. You're whole and stronger than you think. Keep it up!

Thank youuu!

1 minute ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Did you leave the bf?

Yes, I have! I'm working with the police to get him behind bars for what he's done to me! 

Sorry for being a disappointment 😞 

59 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

So glad to see you reported him and are making strong decisions to protect yourself and those close to you.

That's freaking awesome. Good for you.

Hope you have access to caring counseling to help you through.

Thanks! I feel so powered against him, I'm a free women!!

53 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

I hope they can find counseling for you. There must be a women's help hotline to get you the help and guidance you will need. They will find the resources available to you. 

Hello, yes I've got multiple hotlines to access, so I'm very greatful!.