Xeb

hi... thankyou, both of u helped.... thankyou so much for caring... the thing is... i dont know quite what to do... i sortoff figured it out on my own a little while ago that the best thing to do is definitely to ignore him and not to let him see me... maybe once he's gotten the damn space he's so desperate for he'll realize how worthless it is.... or maybe he'll realize the opposite... All of this happened after he spent a week without me at university... i was at home for an extra week and it was the first time that we'd been in a different city and i think thats what made him realize that maybe it was possible and it wouldnt be all that horrible for him to break up with me... i dont know what it was... What i'd love to do is not see him again for a while... but the thing is Gilgamesh that we're in university together and its a very small university... we have classes together... and he was my best friend... i keep telling myself i have to harden my heart to him and to this and hope that i'll work out in the long run... but the thing is... it hurts so much... and i have these INTENSE feelings when i feel like nothing else matters all i want to do is see him again... have him hold me in his arms... kiss me... hug me... be with me.... and i cant do anything about it.... What both of u are saying is definitely the right thing to do... but its going to be SO difficult... the thing is... i think i can manage for a week starting tuesday to be completely away from him... my mothers coming to town for 3 days so i can stya with her and away from campus and i'm going to a friend's place for the fourth day.... My friends r being very supportive through this all... and i love them for it... but they're all couple's themselves and everytime i see them together something inside me hurts even more... they keep telling me they thought i was stronger... and they thought i wouldnt be like this... so on top of everything else i feel like i'm acting like a fool.... and i hate that.... i'm confused... i'm depressed... and i need a life... and i love him so much that i need him too.... i cant ever imagine being with anyone else because he's taken everything i had to give... and he's left me with more pain then i know how to deal with.... Thankyou for replying though.... please keep talking to me... i need help to make sure i stick to my decision as far as he's concerned.... i REALLY do...

My story... to me seems the ultimate tragedy, but isnt something so uncommon. I went away to university and in my first month here met a guy... a guy that i fell hopelessly and completely in love with and he fell in love with me... he asked me out after a month was over... and we were on of the first couples in out batch. We spent all our time together, getting to know the same people, making the same friends... we were very serious about each other... thinking ahead to marriage... just not completely certain that it would happen but very sure that we wanted to stay together... around 2 months ago after spending almost 2 years with him in one of the most intense relationships of his life he said that he wanted space to breath because he felt this relationship was suffocating him. he also said he needed to end this because he couldnt go on any longer... we broke up but it lasted for 48 hours because we couldnt stand to be apart from each other. A week ago he told me this again... and this time the break-up is final. I cant stop seeing him or wanting to see him... i cant stop loving him... i cant stop the memories that torture me and make me think of all the good times... my room is filled with all the stuff he's giving me that i cant put away because it hurts too much. I can't stand to see him hang around with other people when i'm around because the normal thing is that he should be with me. its the exact same with him.... except he's intent on being aloof BUT he still wants to be friends... say's his sanity depends on it... and honestly so does mine... he insists that he still loves me and doesnt think he'll ever stop loving me but he doesnt want a relationship with me... not now.. and not ever... i love him... i want to be with him... everybody around me keeps telling me i should have self respect and self esteem... but somehow none of that matters when it feels like u've completely lost yourself.... i feel so alone... and so miserable... i dont eat i dont sleep.... i cant do anything except feel like my life had ended and i dont know where to go from here....