barely_loved
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Posts
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barely_loved's Achievements
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Thank you
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I just wanted to say that I am doing much better. I was very much on the brink, but I talked to my partner and he was angry at first (understandably) but he calmed down quickly and we had a long talk. And then the last two days a couple of things happened which made me a lot happier. I don't really have a clue why or how they happened, but they did Thank you too everybody who replied to me, and especially the people who went so much out of their way to PM me and provide me with information. Thank you.
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Ok, I will look at those links, thanks. I have told my partner I feel suicidal sometimes and he knows how depressed I am, but I don't think he knows what to do, and I don't know what he could do to help either. Other than be around more, but he works a lot and obviously wants time to himself when he isn't working, which I understand. I wish he could make it all better, or help to make it better, but he can't
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Thank you Crystal...I have AIM, so I might add you sometime, when I feel a bit more up to talking. And, thisisnotanexit, thanks, but I have tried the Samaritans before and I honestly didn't find it helpful I'm afraid. I don't know why, the people who spoke to me were kind, but it just didn't help. I don't want to keep living through this pain any more. And, as much as it may go away one day, it's been with me a good 15 years of my almost 22 years of being alive. It's a long time to try to stay strong....I'm sorry, but I'm not strong enough any more.
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Thanks... no, I'm not in the US, I'm in the UK. I know it takes time and such, but I've felt like this for so many years, and things seem to have steadily got worse. And the few times they got better, it all went wrong again. Just feels like the end.
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Hey, that's really kind of you, and thanks I appreciate it. I'm not too great at talking though...I don't know why, but it's like I don't know where to start or what to say. And I think in my own mind, I realise it's over, and I've accepted it. I honestly appreciate the offer though, you're a kind person.
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Thanks to the people who replied. Well, I waited a few days and looked at the information/links some of you guys gave me, to see if it would help. But, I don't feel any better So, I still intend to go through with this. But thanks.
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My Dad has a hereditary spinal condition. He is often in a wheelchair these days and he also has problems with his memory. I love him and worry about him and it makes me feel selfish that I don't see him. I've heard agoraphobia is common...I think I read that 1 in 3 people are effected by panic attacks during their life. I just feel my fiance is wasting his time with someone like me - I can't have a normal life with him, or help him enough.
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Yeah, I have agoraphobia. I've been housebound for the past two years and I haven't been able to be around people during that time either. I get panic attacks, but they have been dying down recently. I've been able to go out into the garden a little recently as well.... but it's not the same as being normal. I can't see family either and my Dad is ill.
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I can't see a doctor because I'm housebound. And I can't get a doctor to come and see me because I can't be around people. I can't really think of a way out of feeling this way
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No, I don't take medication or see a doctor. I'm not sure whether it was a specific thing that triggered it, because as far back as I can remember I've always felt this way. I've tried getting angry, rather than sad... but these days I'm just not strong enough to keep it up. I know it's not nice to have someone close to you die, and I'm not pretending he won't be hurt. I know he will But, trust me, in the long run he will be better without me. Would you want to be stuck with someone who stopped you having fun, living, being young? I doubt it. He says he doesn't care about all that, but I know he does.
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Thanks to all of you... I know my partner will be hurt when I die I have thought about that to no end. He is a good man, but I can't talk to him about this. He tries really hard to understand my depression, but I don't think he realises how bad it still is. I have tried talking to him before... but he's always busy with work and his own life. I don't want to burden him any longer. And I am a burden to him because its like he has to put his life on hold to look after me sometimes. In the long run, he'll be better off without me
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I'm not alone in the house at the moment - my partner is sleeping downstairs so I wouldn't be doing anything just yet. He leaves for work in a few hours. I don't have any family or friends that I could call or who could stay with me. I do have an online friend though, who said he would be around tomorrow (by around, I mean online) to keep me company, as he knows how bad I'm feeling.
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I don't know if I do know how you feel. When I was 15 I had thoughts about suicide, and my thoughts and actions brought me closer and closer to commiting suicide, and although I believed nothing good would come to me, things got better for me eventually. I don't want you to commit suicide. I know I don't know you that well, but from what I can tell so far, you're still young, you're sensitive, you're emotional, and I get the feeling that you are a good person. I can't force you to talk about things, but if you ever do want to, there are many kind people here willing to lend an ear. Thanks for your kind words. Although I'm not being overly expressive right now, I appreciate them.
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I will go and read the site you posted, avman..thanks. I have been there before but I will go and read it again. MetallicAguy, no, I'm not a religious person. I respect religion but it's not something I believe in...it's nice for the people who do have faith though, as I realise it can make you stronger and cope with things that perhaps a person without faith could find harder. Thanks for the suggestion though and for taking the time to reply to me. I really feel it's my time though...I have waited and..um.."held on" so to speak for years. And I have thought about it for a very long time...it's just my time to go.