Outcast-Angel
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Posts posted by Outcast-Angel
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Very passionate! It's wonderful and heartfelt. Keep up the good work.
^_^ thank you.. i don't think i want to write any new poems on the same subject though. it's twisted, but i miss him, especially when i start writting poems like that. i guess cause i have to dredge up all the emotions. re-live them all. maybe i'll edit an older one.
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These Dreams by outcast-angel
why can't you feel these dreams
the way i do?
why can't you feel the despair
the pain and cruelty
as sharp and poignantly as i do?
feel the love and loss,
the seething hatred and numbing shock
when i do?
why can't you taste these bitter thoughts
when i see you there beside me?
why can't you taste the salt of our skin,
in my tears, in my blood
the bitterness of betrayal, of your love,
in our words and curses
why can't you see these sick parodies
we put ourselves through?
why can't you see the tenderness, the violence
in our acts of love and of hate
the spinning, dizzy confusion dance
we spin into our world
why can't you hear our voices
ringing throughout my memory?
why can't you hear the softness in my words,
the possessiveness in yours
the sound of flesh hitting flesh, over and over
the sound of pain, the hollowness in your eyes
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i'd say definitely pick up some blistex or chapstick, they both work wonderfully. but also, try drinking more water/less coffee and pop. part of the problem could be that your body is dehydrated.
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Mists by outcast-angel
faces loom in front, to the sides
sneering, leering, pitying and loving
they walk right through me, cold chills
can you tell me which of us is real?
i'm the one who feels your pain,
kept your secrets beyond betrayal
whilst you wrapped yourself, safe, secure
in a blanket of our old ties, severed from me
can you tell me which of us is real?
my mind is burning, freezing in still-pictures
killing me from the inside, warping my thoughts
your thoughts continue to flower, abomination
your eyes still revel in daylight as well as night
are you trapt by the looming faces?
penned in on all sides, alone
gaze through the mists of insanity
can you tell which of us is real?
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sweetheart, it doesn't matter if you are bi, i mean, you said yourself that you love your girlfriend/fiance (congrats, by the way) very much. if you love her, and want to spend the rest of your life with her, that's what counts. you're bound to find another woman attractive at some point, but that doesn't mean you're going to act on it, right? why should it matter if a few guys turn your head or not? doesn't mean you suddenly have to pursue it.
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^_^ thank you both, very much!
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The first thing that captured my attention was the rhythm of the words you used.
Question: How many times do you edit a poetry before you post it?
^_^ thanks.. it actually depends on the poem.. this one i only edited once.. just to make sure the spelling was good, and that the wording was how i wanted it. i don't think i even really changed anything. some of the others i've edited as many as 4 or 5 times though, scrapping or re-writing lines i don't like, finishing others that otherwise seem unfinished.. and definitely checking the spelling, and trying to get it all to flow the way i want it to.
~OA
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Sweet Suicide of the Heart by outcast-angel
The blood flows. My blood, raining down
feeding the earth, feeding your hunger
My essense, tipped down your throat, drained
my heart mangled and discarded
But i still run to catch up,
still can't let you go
it's just another case of sweet suicide of reason.
It's like tearing myself in two,
at odds with myself; worse, at odds with you
Forgive me, i never meant to hurt so much,
I'm sorry, i didn't mean to bleed
I never meant to fall back to the sweet suicide of the soul
When i can't find myself and
you're the only one left in the light
How can i but reach for you, cry out to you
beg you to lift me close, clutch me tight
How can i but plead to feel you on me again
let your hands cover old scars with new
When i see those scars, your signature
how can i not Remember
How can i not embrace
a sweet suicide of the heart?
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Amazing, i really liked your style. Its different, much more abstract than others on here, including mine, your creativity is extended. I like that.
Very visual. I think your right when it comes to the last two lines, throws the image out a little, but its still powerful. great work, honestly.
neva
thanks, everyone, it's nice to hear feedback.. neva, thank you, i think i will scrap those last two lines. it's a more powerful without them. i like to read your stuff though. just by being less abstract, i think it's easier to relate to. and, it leaves my mind in less of a whirlwind, which i appreciate.
and blueangel, i'm glad you found it to be at least somewhat original^_^ thanks again, to everyone who read it and/or responded..
~OA
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Dolls by outcast-angel
i'm a faceless doll, you can make me what you will
take up the paints, mark upon me your design
dress me up, or dress me down
i can be your angel, your slave, your star
i'm your marionette, i'll walk to your tune
move my limbs, see me dance, smile
throw me against the wall, hear my neck snap
you can always replace it, start again
mould me to your desires, i'm your plaything
make me your wh***, your muse, temptation
chain me up and i'll writhe beneath you
imagine my voice and hear me scream
sultry eyes, delicate limbs. carve your name in
mark me for all eternity so everyone can see
just don't forget to give that extra spark
so when we fight it won't just be a dramatization
we'll rant and scream, tear each other to shreds
i'll lick clean the wounds that I cause,
swallow little bits of you
now the madness is inside of me
and when next something breaks, it'll be my leash
un-hollowed heart, feel it beat, my memory's here
anger rises do you feel the heat? the world's on fire
i plan to watch you burn, erotic dance,
move your feet, on the ground you'll burst
i'll lap you up; warmed milk
your doll's a monster hungry for love
hunting for something i've never known.
i've got your mark, everyone knows what that portends
now i'm the painter, and i've got a little doll
she holds my leash, reins me in;
i carve her mark into my skin
(disguising your last trace)
an ice sculpture come summer, only your memory lives
and someday honey, i'll find a way to burn it down.
i'm not sure that those last two lines really fit.. like, at all. maybe i should scrap them?
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About the reason for poems - its because (from my perspective) when people are depressed they want to let others know. But they dont talk about whats wrong, only what they feel. A poem is the most creative way with deepest impact.
that does makes sense, but a lot of people who write poems like that don't ever show them to anyone. i mean, i've been writing them for years, but this is really the first place that i've ever shown them to anyone. poetry can be a very strong way of expressing emotion though, and it is a good way of working through the moment.. because you have to think of the wording and such, instead of how much emotion you're feeling.
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Happiness ain't hard to achieve. Just gotta not look for the bad in all you do. Be more positive. When you see a situation to step ahead of a classmate to show what you have up in your head, go for it. You fail? try again. Thats how a lot of life is.
-ForAnother
i've always loved how some people judge the level of difficulty in a task by how easily they themselves could accomplish it.. for example.. i can pop my shoulders and hips in and out of place with little pain, and hardly any effort. but lots of people have to go to hospitals to have others pop their dislocations back in properly. or maybe it's more appropriate to compare strength. my dad can bench way more than i, with ease. but if i, or anyone else with less strength than he has, tried to do the same number of bench presses with the same weight, we'd hurt ourselves. happiness isn't as attainable as you think is is, for some people. it's easy to say that things will look better, if only a person stops looking for the bad in every situation. but when it comes up and bites you in the butt, it's a little bit hard to ignore. i'd suggest that you do some reading up on depression before you start judging people here. there's a lot more to it than just needing to decide to be more positive about things. also.. i'm not in school. i graduated HS 2 years ago. but for those who are still in HS, i'd suggest using your knowledge to help you classmates rather than showing them up. sure, don't hold back on tests or projects, or in group discussions. to do so would be denying the others in your class a chance to see things from a unique perspective. but don't rub it in their faces that you're better at something than they are.. because they will be better than you are at something, even if they don't know it.
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It's because when most people are elated they want to be celebrating it and living in it, not sitting around writing poetry. But when you feel horrible, all you want to do is sit around and think about how horrible you feel, hence you write about it.
i think i'd like to take a few moments to savor feeling of elation, write it down so i could read it later, when i'm feeling down, so i could at least remember what it was like.. and that i am capable of those emotions. but maybe i'm just weird.
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I don't know if you want critiques, and by all means I am not a good poet myself...
But here is my critique:
I loved the ideas in the poem... however the execution isn't as successful. If you take the general idea of it "tell me I am worthless so I don't have to doubt my worthlessness" and kind of make a flow of it, I think it could be A LOT more powerful than it already is.
-ForAnother
critique is always welcome and appreciated.. thank you. i agree, i have trouble with the flow sometimes... any other pointer would be muchly appreciated^_^
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You'll find ways to put in other emotions to your work. Right now though sadness and sorrow seems to be the feelings that come out. It's like that for most people. Seems people only turn to poetry when they are hurting. But as long as you are expressing yourself, whatever feeling comes out is fine.
it's not just right now though. i wrote Screams when i was 17.. and none of the emotions have changed. i tried to write something when i was happy. it just didn't jive. it sounded so choppy, and there didn't seem to be any point to it. i do notice that the majority of poetry is devoted to those sentiments of loneliness, sadness or love/romance. and a little bit of anger. i guess we could just say that poetry is on the darker side of the literary arts.. and i don't think that i'd want it to be otherwise.
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You inspire Outcast-Angel. I went thru a terrible break-up & she left me for a much younger woman. Your words ring true.
i'm so sorry to hear that.. a breakup can be traumatic enough on its own.. but when they replace you so quickly, it brings to mind doubt that they cared for you at all.. just remember that in the end, it's her loss! and you are deserving of someone who'll actually appreciate you.
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Screams by Outcast-Angel
I screamed. I cried.
Where were you the night I died?
Bereaved of hope, of heart
Of life, of you
I stood on my own
I stumbled, I bled
Didn't you hear
My gut wrenching terror
Didn't you feel
Our connection destroyed?
I screamed. I cried.
Torn from safety, from warmth
From reason
I fell, so alone
Landed in our nightmare
Didn't you see?
Death was upon me.
Didn't you care?
I screamed. I cried.
I bled. I died.
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Usually when MG does, she asks me, and i support her and quickly get her out of it. I think she asks me because she knows i can get her out every time.
aws! that's really sweet, and i agree with you.. she probably is aware of it at least subconsciously.. it's uber-cool that you support her so much.
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In the Dark by Outcast-Angel
It's Bedtime darling, time for me to let you go
Just close your eyes, drift in the dark
Forget the monsters, they'll disappear.
You'll never know, 'cause i won't say it
You won't dream it, 'cause i'll never think it
No more memories of pretty pain,
Of heart-break
You'll never take me for granted again
i'll never stand in your way
Just close your eyes and drift away
To a time you'll never know, never dream.
It's Bedtime, darling, time for me to let you go
Just close your eyes, drift in the dark
Forget what we said, what we were
You'll never know it, 'cause i won't say it
And you won't dream it, 'cause i'll never think it
No more memories of hazey pain
Of backstabbing lies
You'll never not say what you feel again
i'll never beg to be used
Just close your eyes and drift away
To a time you'll never know, never dream
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Raw emotion is what fuels as to be at our best. It takes our talents and jacks it up a notch. Outcast, you do have talent. Felt like the poem was describing my feelings. Definitely post more.
i'll see what i can come up with.. maybe i'll fix up some of my older work.. thank you though.
~O.A.
Mists
in Topics
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i think i like my writting better when it *is* abstract, because i can read it in different situations, and it still applies, without reminding me overpoweringly of the circumstances which led me to write it.. plus, i was always worried that someone would find them, and find out some stuff i don't tell anyone if i was blatently clear as to the subject matter.^_^;;