Decado

6 years later and still, I miss you Tim.

wow, it's been more than 2 years since i have posted on this topic. a lot has happened. I sought help from my skl counsellor. The thing is this love for my friends was just the surface...the therapt made me find out a whole load of other baggage that i'm carrying around..but that's another story.

about my best friend: We're still best friends but i no longer love him so much that i want jump off a bridge to get rid of the pain. I dont feel that way about him any more. It took months of therapy but i finally "got over him".

Of course i still love him, i think i will always love him...but that's something i have to deal with. He now knows that i am bi/gay (im not even sure yet) and he's kl with it. i always knew he would be kl with it, it's just i wouldnt be able to tell him without giving away my other feelings and making him uncomfortable.

It's kinda sad coz we are going off to separate universities and we've been best friends for about 9 years. I think we'll be friends for life...but the splitting is inevitable I guess i have to move on...it's scary to think how ones life can change so drastically when going to university. I mean everything you know is left behind and it's just you put in new surroundings.

I would like to thank all those who have helped me by writing on this topic, this place has helped me a lot.

Hey hmm dunno, I hope things work out for you. Love is the worst and best part of life

hey, just wandering if there is anything new going on? how has your story continued?

thanks for your comments, i really appreaciate them. I mean it would be a whole lot off my mind if i just stopped being scared of what people will think.

The main people im scared will see them is my family. Just wandering Rozi!, how did your family react? and how did you tell them?....did you get a load of lectures and tellings off?

thanks a lot,

Decado

neat idea. is that what you do? i mean what do you do when you go swimming and stuff?

Recently i have been thinking about how i am gonna deal with the summer and the scars on my upper body. I know i wont be able to escape questions about not wearing T-shirts etcetera... I was thinking of getting tattoos over my scars or some other ways of getting rid of them. The thing is that i feel strangely proud. I feel they are a part of me, as if it is part of my identity and that it would be wrong to ignore the past - to ignore the pain and muck.

It's like that papa roach lyric "these scars remind me that the past is real, i tear my heart open, just to feel".

I wanna get rid of them so noone else can see them but i want to look at them. i feel they define me but the negative reactions that people will give me make me want to get rid of them.

I know this isnt really a question but i just wanted to know how other people felt about this kinda thing - do i wear long shirts all summer? just show them and not care what people think? cover them with tattoos?

to me, it sounds as if she's acting like a spoilt child who wants to get her way. She has found that people come running to her side whenever she draws blood.

If she advertises what she does and uses it against people, then i think she seems very manipulative and cruel. I know this is/was your gf and i'm sorry if you are offended by this but i speak what i feel. Her parents are right, i think - get out while you can.

If she SIs infront of people, i dont understand how it can relieve any sort of emotion!!!

I definitly dont think that any of this situation is your fault. When you posted about how she said she "did this because of you", it made me furious. It's as if she's trying to hurt you!!!! and i dont think you deserve that at all. How can anyone blame other people for what they do to themselves - its as if she thinks you literally took the blade and cut her yourself!!

hey, my advice is to talk about whatever it is that makes you want to hurt yourself. I have stopped self harming for about a month since i have started see someone. I know it sounds like a big deal and you probably dont want to cause a fuss but the thing is this IS a big deal wether you want to make a fuss over it or not.

Firstly, is it worth risking your relationship with your SO just for this? If you dont want to talk to a therapist, talk to him/her, i'm sure they'll appreciate you going to them as opposed to you self harming.

You may think that these urges just come out of nowhere but by talking to someone, they can help you realise why you feel angry/frustrated/sad etc.

The thing is self harm doesnt solve anything. It's like a scab that's really itchy and when you scratch it it feel better temporarily. BUT afterwards the scab doesnt heal faster but slower; and instead of healing well, you're left with scars. The scars are the worst part. You're left with them for life. I'm 18 and i cant go anywhere without wearing somthing that covers my arms. i cant wear Tshirts, can go to the beach, swim....so many things.

i am pleading for you not to do this. please don't. There is so much that you'll be losing and nothing you will be gaining. please think on what i have said.

sorry. i meant to say "you shouldn't revolve your world around this guy" coz there is much more to life.

Your's is the story of my life.

I, too, fell in love with my (best) friend. I am now, also, in my last year of school but i fell in love about 6 years ago and i am, now, getting over it, slowly.

That period of unsurity of whether he likes you back or not was one of the best and worst times of my life. The uncertainty, the anguish, the feeling of love and happiness that thoughts of him bring you. Every feeling you've ever felt mixed into one.

I dont know if this is what you feel but my advice (however useless it maybe) is to be careful. I remember being so frustrated and angry for years and i just wanna say that it's not healthy to dwell on stuff like this too long. You shouldn't revolve your entire world around this guy until you know that something's there.

I know this is a kind of downer post, sorry. But on the bright side, it sounds as if there is something there unless you're exhagerating. Dont take my word for it coz a person in love can see meaning in a brush on the arm. if you know what i mean.

How good is your friendship? Do you think that your friendship is worth putting on the line for love.

I know this may sound like bad advice but i found out a lot about my friends when we're all drunk. A lot of talk comes out. im not saying for you to get your friend drunk, just to look for an opprtunity to ask him questions.

I also find that when people are drunk they have an excuse for anything they may say. 'i love you' is not uncommon for any drunk to say. I would see how he reacts if the opportunity arises.

I know a lot of what i said is garbled and probably wrong. I just hope this has helped a little bit. Even if you wish to disregard all of this post completely, at least you will know what you dont want to do.

soz i get a bit self conscious when it comes to advice.

good luck

decado

Hey. I am a self harmer. I am writing this topic in response to another one that talked about wher abouts on the body people cut. I started a new one cos the other had become too long and convoluted.

I ould like to ask 5 questions:

1. Why do you harm?

2. Where do you cut (on the body and place in the world)?

3. What time of day does it usually occur?

4. How do you feel a)before? b)after?

5. How many times do you harm? ie. how many cuts, punches, burns etc.

I feel i should answer my own questions before i have the right to ask anyone else:

1. Because i hate life, how the world is, how there is nothing more, and most of all- because i am angry at how i have turned out and who i am. I, also, like the idea of having scars, constant outside pain, and having something that i can hide and that is mine.

2. I prefer my fore-arms and the wrists but it is getting harder and harder since summer is approaching and i have got a lot of questions about wearing jumpers and long sleeved shirts. So, i now cut my chest and upper legs. Honestly, i just want to die. i hate how i am tied to this world through other people.

3. late at night. when i feel the anger of all my years

4. a) angry at everything, mainly myself and excited at the prospect of self harm, pain and lasting scars. suicidal

b) depressed. sleepy. weepy. non-suicidal.

5. 3-5 days a week. As many punches as it takes before the cuts. As many cuts as it take for me to feel nothing but the pain. punches: 5-25. times. cuts: 3-15.

kill me, please.

Hey, I know what that feels like. I feel that after my entire 17 years, that i dont know my mother at all. As the situation is, she is my only parent. I feel as if by her working late that she has abandonned me and nothing can be done (now, at least) to change that.

I feel the bond between us will never be what it should be and even if we begin to make one now, it will never be what it should be.

Now, i am not sure if you feel like this but it would be great if you could keep your post updated. It would be a great help for me.

thanks a lot.

Decado

hey man. it does seem that you are, pretty much, gay. but the thing is that its ok. NO WORRIES .The thing is you dont have to label yourself just yet. If you like girls one day but like guys another, that's ok.

I, basically, didnt have much trouble with my sexuality. I didnt (and still dont) know if i was str8 or gay but i kinda always had the thought in the back of my my that i would figure it out sooner or later. I classify myself as bi (i am not out though) but that may change someday. I dont know.

It looks like you have a pretty solid pillow to land on if you do decide to label yourself as gay. I mean you have, like, 4 or 5 friends that are gay and i dont think that they will care much. and comin out doesnt mean you have to tell everyone. You can just tell them if you want. If you think about it, they probably have been through the same thing. I guess you could talk about it to them.

Soz, running out of time. I g2g. but i will post l8r on coz i feel that i have a lot to say about your situation (sounds kinda weird). Hope what i have said helps in some way.

Good luk Decado

(sorry about the long post. Hope you can take the time to read it)

hey. i am basically in the same situation as you except 3 years on. I have been in love with my best friend (a guy) for about 7 years (since i was 9) and i still am. I know it is the most excrutiating thing when you love someone without them oving you back. It Sucks!

I now know that he does not feel the same way but i have figured out ways to find out (well sort of). Ask yourself questions.

This has only worked for me coz he is a close friend, so it may not work for you. and the results are not clear either but they may give you some idea if he likes you or not.

(Be sure that you know that this is not a guide it is just some this that you can try out because i know how it is to feel helpless in a situation. It felt like i was gonna explode)

1) Does he tag along with you? I figured that if someone likes you they will want to tag along with you and be close to you. So if he is constantly hanging around with you or you are inseparable, continue reading.

2) Have you guys ever shared eye contact for long periods without speech? It is a very telling sign that if people shared eye cointact, they some sort of bond (even in str8 relationships)

3)Is there much physical contact such as hands brushing or hugs? If so, does he move away quickly or wait for you to?

4) Does he call often for no reason or are there times where he finds a weak reason just to call?

5) Does he ever act jealous of your other friends and shun them or act hostile?

6) Have you ever shown interest in a girl? If so, how did he react when you told him? (never tried this one)

7) Has he ever been in a relationship with a girl?

This is basically all i have. But be sure not to push the issue coz he may not be sure of his sexuality yet and may get scared if you approach him about it (a mistake i made)

I also know, that if he shows no interest at all, how hard it will be to let go. I am still having trouble letting go. Try not to make nothing seem like something, for example, an accidental brush of the hands or if he bumps into you accidentally.

If this gets too much for you, i am sure your skl has a councellor that you can talk to (dont be scared. they wont tell anybody) It is rely good just to talk to people.

At the moment, i wouldnt tell anyone of your age about how you feel(unless you know you can absolutely trust them) if i were you coz boys are often v.immature at that age and it can make things v.difficult at skl.

I know it royally sucks.

i hope this helps

PS: I agree with the previous posts a bit but i hope that this can help without giving you away. I do not think it is reasonable to ask you to wait coz it is v.frustrating to do nothing.

Hi. It may be different for girls, i dont know, but have you ever thought that you may have feelings that are more than friendship towards your friend? I say this coz i am in love with my best friend and i am jealous whenever he makes other friends and stuff.

I am pretty much in the same situation except that i know have that i love him more than anything. To know that nothing can ever happen, because i know he doesnt love me, really sucks.

I dont know if its usual for girls to say they love eachother but it seems that u guys are rely close already and you can surely talk about stuff like this. cant you?

PS. Sory if this isnt that relevant but i just felt that u were in a similar situation and i needed to say something

thankyou so much

i am not actually out yet. i still like the opposite sex but its just that i have been to a boys school all my life so i am kinda bi.

It doesn't stop me from finding anyone, its that he is the only person i have ever loved and i have never had a relationship. i also have a constant need to be around him, so i find excuses to call him and stuff.

i like other people in my school (well one person) but i dont think anything will happen coz i am not sure if he is gay.

thanks, decado

i have a friend who is my best friend but i am not sure if i am his. I used to be sexually attracted to him, but i think i am over it. I love him so much.

I always find myself wanting to snuggle or hug him but i am not sexually attracted to him, for example, i dont want to have sex or anything, i just want to be close. ( if that makes sense).

He is the most amazing friend in the world but i sometimes get jealous when he spends time with other friends or if he invites someone to his house without inviting me. I know that sounds a bit obsessive but its how i feel.

Are these feelings normal for a best friend? or do i still love him?

soz about the very long break in between my posts but i have come to the conclusion that my friend only likes me as a friend and nothing more But i guess i will have to deal with it.

i am rather depressed at the moment, and i dont know what to do coz this guy is who i wud usually talk to but i cant talk to his about his.

i wanted to know if any of your stories end with a happy ending? and i am wondering if there are ever any happy endings.

the thing is i cant imagine havin a relationship with someone i dont love and this guy is the only guy i have ever loved. So now i have to convince my mind that it cannot love this guy any more. It is SOOO painful This is the worst feeling in the world. worse than ne pain physically or emotional that i have ever felt.

should i seek proffessional help to get over this? coz i cant see myself getting over this any time soon

the reason y i think he may like me bak now is that well we hav been doing all those things- eye contact, brushing of hands, standing close. also, the thing that made me think this was that we had a sleepover at my friends house and we were sitting on the sofa watching TV in the dark. we had a foot stool that we were both using and i kinda just wanted to brush my foot against his and i kept it there(best moment of my life) and there were a few things like that. but nothing to definitely say that he likes me.

At the moment we are best friends-he is definitely my bbest friend and i am almost sure i am his.

as far as i no he has never had a girlfriend. we dont really talk about personal stuff tho.

It seems that you and i have a similar predicament- did u told ure friend in the end?

thanx alot

Decado

Hi, no1 has posted this forum for a while but i thought i mighte ask here b4 i post a new topic.

i love my best friend whom i love and i have told him b4 and we kind of ignored it because i found it embarrassing. But now i am getting an incling that he likes me too. i was wandering if i should tell him again or wait for sumthing else 2 happen.

decado

hey shorty, i no that i am not as experienced in all this but i say this seriously. have you ever thought of going to a gay bar? i mean you're ova 18 and are allowed. i think that you may be able to feel more comfortable there.

Hey, i have just read all ure posts from the previous months, it touched me. i am still not sure wat i feel but i no i am in luv with my best friend (a guy).

i no that i am younger than you guys and have not rely started to think about my future in terms of sexuality but i think that this forum may actually help.

i no my friend is not gay aswell coz i just came out and told him (on MSN), so i didnt get to see his reaction. but he is still my best friend 2day and the subject was kinda ignored by both of us in that we thought our friendship was more important than letting it get in the way and silently agrees to stay best friends.

i am still obsessing ova him though and it hurts wen i am not with him but i think i will just have to liv with it.