almostvictoria

So. It's been two months since you broke up with me. Why are you texting me? You are the one who wanted time and space to yourself. You are the one who walked away from me, who left and abandoned this relationship because what you wanted for yourself eclipsed how much you wanted to share our lives together. So what is this? Why these paltry attempts to engage me, to share with me, when you told me in the most definitive action possible that you DIDN'T want to engage with me or share your life with me? What. Do. You. Want. I know there's no point in even asking, because you don't know. And even if you DID know, you rarely have the courage, the strength, and the will to form WORDS around it. I am not your chew toy. I am not a convenience, something or someone who only exists when you want her to exist, for whatever reason. So f**k you, if you think you can take that away from me. F**k you for taking advantage of me, for neglecting me, for making me feel unimportant, unwanted, and invisible. F**k you for taking me for granted. You are a good person, at your core, but you are so prideful. You see and know your actions as mistakes, and you keep repeating them. And then when things crumble and deteriorate, you merely accept it because you think it your due, you think it deserved, because you knew you were making mistakes all along. But never once have you stopped to consider that it's not only you being affected. You are not the only victim to the punishing consequences of your actions, your grief, your selfishness. I was too. And now I am again, in the most final way possible. I hope you can rediscover the goodness in you. I hope you can learn to be less self centered, can take into account the well being and happiness of those around you, can delight, once more, in the wonders of the universe instead of allowing guilt and self loathing destroy all the bright and loving things in your life.