Sobb44

I havent spoke to you since August. It hurts that you didnt reply to me last week. But its just par for the course. I miss you. The other day when i went to the store i saw your sister. Unfortunately for us both i felt like there was no choice for me but to continue on my chosen path as i noticed her last minute and it would have been stupid to just turn around. But i acknowledged her with the casual head nod partially held the door for her. I believe she was with her son who btw is fine as anything....anyway then i just kept it moving. I didnt formally say hello because honestly....the last time I saw her she was helping your other sister get your things out if my house. And the time b4 that we were on her front lawn making small talk....and i think that about sums up my dealings with her. Im not used to having been in a relationship and then bumping into family members from that ex. Its smallsville. Anyway. She said thank you...a very delayed thank you and its not that i didnt hear her....its just i was a bit offended. Did she say thank you to me for using my vacation time to help you with your appointments did she say thank you for feeding you and helping you all the time we were together....did she say thank you when i helped you out of the house and down the steps while you were literally falling on top of me because your MS had effed your vision up and i basicly caried you to the car. No. No she didnt and actually you didnt either and no member of that family of yours did. Everyone loves you. Everyone. And so did I. And i hate myself for still continueing to have feelings for you. I hate that i litterally exhausted myself daily for you. I hate that no one in this story of us.....will the community and i mean the community that loves you....ever hear my side. How i needed help and didnt get it. That it was too much for me alone. And since no one really gave a crap about me and certainly me being with YOU......i had to ask you to leave. Its just so not fair And then the thoughts at 4am when I wake up. Hoping you are ok. Knowing your probably more than fine and cuddled up with a new girl. And then..i try and ddift to sleep....and i move my 'Comfy foot" and damn near cry cause you have a comfy foot. The us part was perfect. The MS onset and insane rampant progression without proper support from your family was not. I could accept the disease....and love you through it....but not with your family's lack of support. They disliked me frim the beginning. Now that they have you they thank me. I guess they have seen how much work it is. I love you. Wish you were holding me watching tv

You know I wasted some time on you.....Hanging on holding on. It's what you said to me when you left. Don't read to much into this any of this. Well. I havent seen you in three months....havent spoken in a couple weeks, and now you dont reply. I guess what we had, has played out. You no longer need me, the woman who, held it down. Paid the rent. Bills, Groceries, co pays, picked up the meds, drove you around, got you to the hospital when it was needed. YOU ARE A FOOL. You condition is never going away, and I accepted you with it because I LOVED YOU. AT your best I loved you, and your most scared weakest I loved you. But. I guess your good now. Lean on them then. I will continue to hold it down. If you ever see me again....I will just look away. Cause that's what you and your ungrateful family do....they just look on, look over, right on through. Guess what. You are nothing.