Nicetry22

Ugh this thread is amazing. Don't mind my super long post. I am so angry at you!! Yet I still love you it hurts so bad. We were together for almost 3 1/2 years and randomly you decide you think its time to be single for a couple of months, and you aren't in love with me anymore. You couldn't tell me how long you have been lying to me about loving me, and you seemed offended that is how I would decipher it too. But you did lie to me!! Don't tell someone you love them if you don't. You tell me you can't say things won't happen in the future. I am glad I am a back up plan for you! That you will keep me hanging when I know you are just going to rub it in my face by being with someone else. You say there is no one else but I don't believe you, and you should understand why because you lied to me! We discussed things that we could work on, and they were easy fixes yet for some reason you didn't want to fix them. Seriously! How do you drop someone so fast and so easily. You wanted to be friends and I agreed. You said you needed me in your life. All I could think about is how I hope you would want to get back together. That sticking with you through thick and thin would make you realize what you had. Now I know it wouldn't have because you didn't know what you had before....Why would you change your mind now? I was just torturing myself and giving myself false hope. I told you I was trying to make up a list of things I didn't like about you and I only came up with one and that was that you broke up with me right before finals. I wanted you to know that I wanted you but I just built up your ego. Guess what there was more than one thing. I had multiple pages. Towards the end of the relationship you made me feel like nothing. You stopped making me feel loved and beautiful and overall just did not seem to care about me. Why did I stick around? Because stupidly I love you of course. Now that we are NC I feel like I am struggling even more. I don't get to know if you are thinking about me and I don't get to talk to you and hear your voice. I keep losing in this situation but I don't want to anymore. I want to be happy without you and most importantly happy with myself. I thought I was a catch but apparently I was not, but I want to feel like I am one again. I want you to regret the fact that you left me. I want you to come back but I know you won't, and I have to accept that. I hope someday we can be friends but right now I guess I have to focus on me and then hopefully during that time you change your mind or I finally find peace.