SadOregon

I'm in so much pain. I cry all the time. My heart literally hurts. I want you to understand how much you hurt me and the kids. I want you to CARE. I don't understand how you could repeatedly reject me, emotionally and verbally abuse me...and I don't understand how easily I always believed it was my fault. How often I would go back and ask you to try again. I am so hurt. And I am angry. It especially bothers me that you have all these mutual friends convinced you are the victim. You walk around acting like a sad sack (I know because I've seen it before) and they buy into it. They have no idea how cruel and vicious you are behind closed doors. Because I chose NC I have lost much of our social circle. I have heard from your "friends" telling me how you supposedly put me on a pedestal and worshiped me. And how you are supposedly sad. That isn't the truth and you know it. You feel sorry for yourself, and that is not remorse. Remorse brings change and you are incapable of it. God, this hurts. I want to trust myself I will maintain NC this time. I've gone as long as three months. I have to do this if not for my sake then my kids. They deserved so much better than you. I want to rail at you and I want to beg you and more than anything I want this pain to stop.