Okay, let's try this...
Dear ex,
I thoroughly enjoyed you for the two years we were together. You're crazy, weird, funny looking and I could never predict what would come out of your silly mouth. You're also a snake. A cute snake, but a snake nonetheless. I loved you for all of these things... except for when you were biting your fingers, it drove me nuts.
Best of luck with your new life. I hope you find what you were missing.
-A.H.