Lisaflores0292

I have actually been doing really good lately. I've been feeling more confident and happy than I have in a really long time.. Until it hit me that it was around this time last year that we met. I walked by your job and your apartment.. it was on the way.. I didn't do it to see you. But a big part of me had the urge to bump into you which is funny considering I'm usually trying to find ways to avoid you. Part of me wishes I can go back, even if just for a day - all to feel you there just one more time. I don't regret anything because I feel that had I not told you what I was feeling.. I would've prolonged the inevitable. You and I had to end. Better to have ended it before things became a lot messier right? We were already pretty much the epitome of a complicated relationship.. If you can even call it that. I never told you this because I didn't want to scare you away, but I was falling in love with you and man, was it frightening. That is why I needed to assess the situation and confront you about it. Of course it turned out I was right. I do not regret a thing.. But I wish I could feel your presence just one more time. A kiss, a hug, a laugh.. I do not want you back. But today I just really, really miss you is all.

Today has been one of those days where I can't stop thinking about you. I miss you, and it stings. Every time I do something new, I can't help but think how great it would've been if you had been there to do it with me. Every time I do something we used to do together, I can't help but let my mind wander to a time where there was a me and you. It's getting better though, one step at a time. I miss you more than you can imagine, but I don't want to speak to you and I have no urge to contact you at all. But I can't help but think about the what if's. There will be good days and bad days, and this was a bad one. This too shall pass.

I remember the first day we hung out. How we clicked so quickly and it was easily one of the best nights I've had in a long time. We were among friends but it was like it was only me and you. I wish I can go back, just to feel the joy I felt that night again. I went on a date tonight. Well kind of. While I was there, I just kept comparing it to my first date with you and how I didn't want to leave. On our date, we talked the day away and then the day turned into night and part of me wished that it could be that way always. I know you felt the same way because you couldn't stop telling me how much fun you were having and that there was something about me. Guess that "something" about me dulled over time huh? Tonight, I just kept looking at the time and hoping it was almost time to go. He was a nice cute guy, but he wasn't you. I know I'm not ready to date but at this point I'm desperate to get you off my mind. I guess dating makes me think more of you rather than less. Everyday I get more and more angry with you and with myself. I want to tell you how much you hurt me, and how much I miss you despite everything that happened. But I won't. While I'm here missing you and whatever it was that we had, you are out living your life, not thinking about me at all. I don't understand how you can go from telling me that I'm one of the most important people in your life and from seeing a future with me to me never hearing from you again without even as much as a goodbye. How much could I have possibly meant to you if you were so quick to throw it all away without a care in the world? But never the less.. Thank you. Thank you for showing me to remain guarded even when I want to give in and let someone in. Despite my gut instinct and me initially ignoring your interest for this very reason, I made the mistake of letting you in. Thanks to you, now I know to listen to my instincts. Thank you for showing me that when it's real, I won't have to second guess it so much the way I constantly did with you. And thank you for leaving and giving me the opportunity to see you for what you really are. And for giving me the opportunity to see myself as someone more deserving than what you had to offer. You never gave me the chance to say what I had to say about us ending so here it is. I am moving on and I am not looking back.. Not anymore. After reflecting, I realized that I don't need, nor should I want someone as emotionally disconnected as you. You don't know what you want. One minute you want the world with someone and the next you want to be alone. So go be alone. Or with someone else. I'm just glad that it's not my problem anymore.