lblover

Today is the first Sunday that we won't be watching or live texting about football...this was one of the things that brought us together. I went to the sportsbar down the street to watch the games with a friend today...I got through it but thought about you a great deal of the time. But no texting you to get your thoughts on Manziel replacing Hoyer...I sat on my hands so I wouldn't do it. I am wondering how things are with your mom and if you decided to stay with your dad instead of flying back here today. But again, still not going to text you...I left the door open for you to contact me if you wanted to talk and since you haven't, can only assume you may be reaching out to someone else for support, which further solidifies this whole situation.

So it's been 4 days since you told me that you had feelings for another woman, and I don't know about you, but I feel awful. There's never a good time to break up with someone but boy did you pick a doozy of a time! You told me this immediately after telling me that your mother was in the hospital on what may be her deathbed...I sat there trying to console you and help you, then comes this bomb. I was not prepared for it...just last weekend we were jamming at a concert, having a wonderful dinner at that place by the beach, making love, watching football. Now this weekend I'm going through all kinds of emotions, playing the saddest music my iPod can conjure, trying to stay active so I can keep my mind off you. I told you it was for the best, I believe that in my mind, but my heart is not cooperating. I've taken to using this forum to write this instead of texting you or emailing you because I really want to make this NC thing work. I kept hoping you would call me or text me at some point over the past few days to update me/help you cope with what's going on with your mother but you have been radio silent. I guess that's for the best too though I am having such a hard time understanding how we've gone from all of the things that happened last weekend to this. Hell, the day you told me all of this, you'd texted to say you missed me and wanted me to come over for lunch. I feel like that was all a ploy to get me there so you could tell me in person instead of doing the whole "we need to talk" thing. You obviously didn't just wake up Tuesday morning and decide you had feelings for her...this was probably a long time coming. I wished you would have told me earlier when you really first started feeling this way. You told me that she knows about me, but I really wish we'd spoken about it first before you expressed your feelings to her. I feel like 5 years together deserves that...and while I do appreciate you telling me about your feelings before you acted on them, I have to now wonder how long you really had these feelings. How many times over the last months have we been together where you were thinking of her? We just made love last Sunday, was she in your thoughts then? I will probably never have the answers to those questions and it doesn't matter now really. I feel like you probably moved on a while ago and telling me was just the last thing you needed to do before commencing the new relationship with her. I know one day i won't feel this way and I'll be able to wish you the best without feeling sick to my stomach. I'm going to turn this into a positive though...actively seeking a therapist so I can process this and move on. I know I couldn't give you all you wanted but do know that I put 110% of my mind, body and soul into this relationship. I loved you as much as I could love anything in this world and a part of my heart will always belong to you. I do know that it wasn't all roses...you have a serious drinking problem that I in many ways enabled and ignored. I hope that you too realize this and get help or else I fear all of your relationships will eventually falter. I'll be there for you when you need me (well after this NC thing renders me able to be there without being emotional)