Mending Heart

I was starting to feel a bit better, then you contact me out of the blue and say sometimes you think it was a mistake. And you are confused and don't know, and you tell me that you love me, yet you tell me that there was a reason for the breakup and that you were unhappy, but you never told me so we could do anything about it. You tell me you were purposely pushing me away to make me breakup with you because you thought I was too good and you'd hurt me. You lied about liking your female friend to push me away. All your reasons for being unhappy are petty things that are hurtful and are no worse than your own issues, and are things based off when I was going through a hard time. You had so many times of being unsure, you broke up with me, changed it to a break, gave me all this hope and lead me on, then broke up with me again, yet you can't leave me alone and are still unsure. Again I'm the only one wanting to work things out and you're unsure. I hate this. It hurts so much. I wish you hadn't changed.

I know I shouldn't have but I looked at our old emails..... and everything you're doing plansnow is everything you told me in those emails that you'd never do because you said you loved me. You told me it was destiny, that we were meant to be, that we were so compatible, that I was irreplaceable, that you'd never find anyone else like me, that you were never going to let me go, that we'd always work through misunderstandings, that you'd wait for me forever, that you wanted a future with me. I wanted to forward those emails to you. I wanted to remind you. I know if you responded at all that you'd just say you aren't the same person... but I still wanted you to see all your big talk and promises and commitment and I wanted it to make you think about your current actions and how extremely opposite they are. I wanted you to feel something. Why did you change like that? Why'd you become so cold and uncaring and not want me anymore? Why did you still tell me you loved me and wanted to be with me and talk about our future and make plans to propose to me and have me move in, only to turn around and dump me? Don't you know how much that hurts? That it's not just all about you? Did you ever stop and think what I needed or wanted? I always thought about you and I kept trying to be a team with you. All I ever did was love you and try to work things out. Why was that one - sided? When did you stop loving me enough to make any real effort? How could you do this? Why did you pick that life over us? Over what we had? Over our lovingly planned future? You were the one to always bring up marriage and moving in and etc, and we made serious plans for that and we were going to do both this year.... how could that just change so instantly? Why tell me all that all the time and start to do it if you didn't really mean it? Don't you know how crummy that is? What it does to the other person? How I feel betrayed? I was going to move to another country for you in a province where I didn't speak the language. We told everyone I was moving there and I was slowly preparing. I miss you so much and it's just not fair. Why am I left to pick up the broken pieces? Where's your responsibility in all this? Why am I left to feel so miserable and alone? I hate you for treating me like that and for what you did, but I love you for who you were before, and I love you even now because it's hard for me to think badly of you and as a different person, and I know you're still in there somewhere.