thetwist

Oh my God! I actually feel sorry for you! I really feel bad for you because you broke up with me, and by doing that you've lost the best thing that has ever happened to you. I know now in my heart, you will never find anyone like me (I'm not perfect but still....). Can you believe it? TWO men just told me they liked me... on the SAME day! I can't believe it myself. But I'm not going to rush into things and go at my own pace. I don't want to get into a rebound relationship just so it can crumble. Baby, I'm gone... because you let me go.

I don't need you. I'm facing a lot of stress due to my dysfunctional family problems; I'm in a lot of pain. But I can deal with it by myself and I also have my friends who I can talk to. I don't need you. But it would have been nice if you were there for me, and offered a shoulder to cry on.

Please get out my head. I have accepted the breakup, and have been in full NC for 28 days. I have no desire to ever get back together with you and I don't want to be friends in the future. I am slowly filling the void you have left within me, and I'm seriously trying to move on forward. So why do you still dominate my thoughts? GET OUT! Get the F OUT!

Wow! I feel like I'm cheating! I met this really nice guy who finds me attractive and I'm actually kinda flirting with him. But I'm not really cheating because you broke up with me 25 days ago claiming that you got bored of our relationship. I can never forget the crass and flippant sentences you used when attempting to break up with me. I'm glad I have gone into full NC, because you don't deserve having me in your life. Someone who cared for you, looked after you and loved you from the bottom of her heart; a heart you broke into a million tiny pieces. And now I will love myself, and try my best to move on... while you will suffer alone. You are a complete loser; someone with no friends, no degree, no job nor a proper functional life, yet I still loved you and fought for you till the very end. But you have made your choice! And there is no turning back!

It hurts that you didn't try to contact me, not even once. It has been 19 days. Guess I didn't mean as much to you as I thought...

Oh man, I could hardly sleep last night because I kept thinking about you. I just want all the pain and sadness to be over, that's it.

I was remembering the time when you first told me you had a crush on me. It was a life changing moment for me... you were the first and only man to have shown any romantic interest in me. And now you left me. Oh, I can live without you. But I will admit I miss the good and fun times we had.

Why did you have to be so shallow? Why did you reluctantly accept my 'flaws' instead of embracing them? It's not like you look like a gorgeous male model; you are not even close to it! I embraced and adored everything about your body, yet you couldn't do the same for me.

I miss you again today, but I've realized I can definitely live without you. It's funny... I was in your life the year when things were extremely tough for you esp. financially. You were alone and messed up, but I consoled you, supported you emotionally, listened to you, encouraged you, and even paid for your stupid games. Now your life has started to improve, and I became so happy for you. But then we had that stupid fight and you were so freakin' quick to dump me like I meant nothing... all those times I was there apparently means nothing to you. I feel so used. But I know you are going to regret letting me go. I am sure of it. I am becoming a better and a stronger person. I hope I get over you very quickly, so I can be the happy, cheerful, fun loving and awesome once again. I am by no means a perfect person, but one thing I pride myself on is the ability to learn from my mistakes and improve myself. And I will find someone way better than you. I hope you see the improved me in the arms of another man, and I hope your heart shatters into tiny pieces.

Dear PearlHarbor, I am completely indebted to you for your kind and encouraging words. What you said moved me tears and tugged at my heartstrings in a truly positive way. I know I can start healing now, not just from the break up, but also from my insecurities and embrace myself. It's amazing how words from a complete stranger can be so affecting and inspiring. Thank you so much. I'm extremely sorry to hear you are in excruciating pain as well. Why do people hurt the ones they love, and why does it affect us so much? Don't you wish sometimes, that you can just fast forward to a time where you are completely over him, and all the negative feelings, stress and pain have disappeared. But I suppose pain is part of life and it helps us to grow as people and become stronger than ever. It's not easy to deal with it though, but I have absolute faith and hope that we can get through this.

It's amazing how you can feel a range of emotions within a span of two days. Yesterday, I missed you terribly, and was even willing to beg so you can come back to me. Today, I'm angry again. I don't care if your intentions were 'innocent'! You clearly implied that acne, among other things (which I suffer with) were unattractive and a total turn off, and let me tell you, it hurt like a ! Even if your comment wasn't directed at me personally, it still was extremely painful to realize that you are SHALLOW, who desires a woman with a perfect body. Just a reminder, you are not so hot and sexy either!!!!! Yes, I will admit my insecurities took over and I lost control. For that I will apologize, but don't you dare think you are the 'victim' in all this. I know you have insecurities too and the reason why they never came up between us, because I was always extra careful not mentioning anything to your face. And over time, I started adoring all your 'imperfections' because they made you unique and exciting in my eyes. Sadly you couldn't do the same for me. You are SHALLOW... and right now, I feel glad that I hurt your ego because you deserve it fully. I don't care if it caused the breakup.

I hate you, and I hate myself even more because I miss you terribly and want you back in my life. I'm in so much pain and all I want to do is talk to you again and tell you how much I love you. It's been 8 days since we last spoke, and I'm just wondering about you. Do you miss me like I do? Are you hurting like I am? Do you want me back like how I want you back? Is there already a new girl in your life? Is she pretty and sexy? I'm truly sorry for all my insecurities, and all my behavior. And I wish you can apologize to me too because you also made a lot of mistakes. I wish we can heal, talk about all our problems, come up with solutions and compromise about things, and of course get back together, stronger than ever. I still love you with all my heart, and I miss you.

^^^ Addition --> You never found me truly attractive, and never really had intentions to get married to me and have children together. You used me... to fulfill your own twisted sense of loneliness because no 'better' woman would have you.

Now looking back after you have broken up with me, I was never the type of girl of you found truly attractive and wanted to marry. I was never even close to your version of a dream girl, and I said this a long time ago and it still holds true to this day. I blame myself for not looking deeper into our relationship. But it was my very first relationship so I won't be too hard on myself for wasting my time with you. However, you Ryan are shallow, immature, and a coward. You told me you wanted to marry me, build a life with me and have kids with me without any intention of really doing any of the above. I understand now what you were doing... you genuinely DO want to marry, build a successful life, and have kids. And your desire to do as such is so great, that you needed to tell me often so that this idea is constantly reassured. But it was not me you necessarily wanted to have a life with, you were in love with the idea of it only. And silly me, I kept thinking I would be a part of your dream life as well. You pulled me into this relationship, changed me and then left me because you didn't have the guts to overcome all the obstacles or 'move out of your comfort zone'... your own words. I follow a different religion and your family would never have approved of me, but you didn't have the guts to go against them even though you hate your parents. To the very last day, I was planning in my head how one day I would leave my family, my life and my possessions just to be with you. It breaks my heart because I was willing to sacrifice anything. Let's be honest. You weren't exactly my dream guy either when we met. I never told you this before, but I was not physically attracted to you initially. The last guy I ever wanted to be with was an Indian one. But all that changed... when I fell in love you with all my heart and soul. And I NEVER compared you to my dream guy. In fact, I never once mentioned to you what I found physically attractive in a man; there was absolutely no need because I chose you willingly. I found all your physical 'flaws' to be absolutely adorable. For the record, 'flaw' is a very wrong word to be used here. You are you, and I'm not shallow to compare you to the standard definition of handsome and sexy. Ultimately, you are handsome and sexy! However, you had absolutely no problem in telling what you found attractive and unattractive in a woman. Granted I am full of insecurities, but you just exacerbated them by indirectly telling me I didn't match up to the perfect physical nature of your dream girl. Yes, I am fat, acne prone and not hairless...and these are exactly what you find unattractive and disgusting. Moreover, I never dressed sexily, I don't wear heals or a lot of jewelry, all of which you'd prefer your woman to do. How did you think that would make me feel? And you had to audacity to say you 'accept' my 'flaws'? (Just to make things clear, I do consider being overweight as a major flaw, but that is it.) For your information, real women get a few zits here and there sometimes, and it's not 'Ewww' or disgusting. Real women have bodily hair, and while I agree it is better to remove it, no woman can be completely hairless and smooth all the time. These are NOT flaws, unless you have a shallow mind. I'm hoping it's just immaturity for your own sake, or perhaps watching too much porn has skewed your image on how real women's bodies should look like. And you broke up with me because you couldn't handle when I finally told you my version of a dream guy, because you couldn't physically match up to it. True, I was extremely emotional and upset when I dished out this information, and it was definitely meant to hurt you. So you are allowed to have a dream girl and I'm not allowed to have a dream guy? In hindsight, I don't regret this decision at all. If you hurt me, I have every right to hurt you. I'm not perfect and you aren't either. I'm happy you broke up with me over such a petty, yet unnecessarily emotional issue. It has averted what could have been a potentially disastrous future for both of us. The break up has allowed me to think logically after a long time and delve deeper into this messed up relationship. There were many problems. Yes, I have made a lot of mistakes, but my intentions were always sincere. Ryan, I hope to God you suffer for a long time. Just like I am.