brokenscarred

Do you even think of what you've done to me? I'm in so much pain. It feels like I'm in a hole I can't get out of. I wish you'd apologize to me for what you've done and really mean it. I know or at least think that your apologies before didn't mean anything, they weren't sincere because if you were really sorry you wouldn't have put me through this. I feel like an idiot. I feel used up and that all I'm good for is sex. How do you feel knowing that you've made me feel cheap? I try to drown you out of my mind by doing other things but I can't seem to. I wish there was something to erase you from my memory. This hurt is as painful as when I left my first love. Why? I TOLD you how I felt about you but you strung me along, WHY? You are so cruel, you aren't human, you're so evil and I will never forgive you for this well even if I forgive I will never forget the pain you've caused me. You are no better than a bully and I don't wish bad for anyone but I hope you feel what this feels like one day.

It's day three of NC and I'm so depressed I can't believe the lies you had to tell me to get in my pants. It would have been so much better if you were honest with me. Then again you knew I wouldn't have talked to you if you were. I knew the people in this world was cruel but just never thought this would happen to me. I told you I was in love with you and you looked me in my eye's and told me the same thing. You even asked me to say I love you in your language. I tried not to say I love you often only because I thought it would have been too much but found that you started saying it more than I was saying it to you before I called it off. Last time we were intimate you said you loved me now I'm so hurt. I don't understand how you could do this to a person and not have a conscience as to know what you were doing was wrong. I just wish this pain would go away, I find myself cutting again and it's been years. I just hope I will be able to move on from you soon. I hate feeling this way when I'm usually a bubbley person. I'm afraid to go out because every time I do and I bump into a neighbor or friend I want to cry. I hope I'm okay for work tomorrow. This sucks cause I'll be having to talk to people all day. Have I crossed your mind at all this weekend or are you enjoying talking to other women? If that's the case? How do you pretend with your wife? I think deep down she knows something's up. .... If not, how are you able to hide it so well?

I find myself waking up to tears. I miss your good morning/ goodnight texts and the constant communication we had throughout the day hmm...I feel kinda ridiculous. I'm angry, more disappointed but still miss your smile and your laugh and the chemistry between us. All I have are good memories at the moment I really don't want to think of the bad. When I broke it off with you, you said you were hurting even whipped away a tear. Was that pretend? Are you as hurt as I am? I will never know. You said you didn't want to stop communication but that is kinda selfish don't you think? Or was it that you wanted to still play with my emotions and try to still have your cake and eat it too? I got played by the ultimate player you are too good. I guess it takes years of practice but you're only 29. I don't think that's old. I guess you can learn the game at any age but you failed cause you got caught and wasn't smart about how you hid it. Time to pick up the pieces and walk away with dignity. I'm not going to try and fight for you if you really love me like you said then you'd come to me which I don't foresee happening. Lot's of love to enotalone your site is helping me progress and I hope I don't message him.

I've been up all night crying because of your lies. How could you use me like that? How can someone lie about something so major then expect me to go along like everything's okay? Like omfg what if I hadn't found out you were married? I'm assuming you would have continued to live your double life? You and I talked about marriage and even possibility of having kid's I'm in so much shock ;( I wouldn't have been able to lie like you did, it boggles my mind. I have respect for myself, I love myself which is why I'm not going to pretend. I wanna get married you can't give me that. It's just so hard cause I still love you a womanizer! You say you love me and that you'll never forget me or stop loving me and that you wish we had met eight years earlier that you're confused etc.(bullish) The fact of the matter is you're a dog for cheating on your wife whom you also so called "love" and also for cheating on me with another female other than your wife and I O_O You're a coward for not being a man and doing the right thing by divorcing her and or not marrying her in the first place if you can't keep it in your pants. I'm glad I ended it but so hurt that I was lied to from the start and about so many things -_- This is bitter sweet. I hope that this haunts you and you feel guilty for the rest of your life. I doubt you will considering you've had a gf while married who you've also so called "loved" haha you are pathetic and you don't know what love is and I feel so sorry for men cause you give em such a bad name and sorry for you especially your poor wife. I was in love one time before you and I never looked for anyone else or put myself in that type of situation. Cheating is cheating it's not a mistake drunk or not and even if your sex life with your partner is so called bad which I don't believe there are many places to go look to improve your sex life and or marriage if it is lacking. I just hope we never talk again or meet because I'm afraid of what I may do to you. Good riddance and I'm looking forward to meeting the one who actually deserves me. Now I know what to look out for so I guess I should be thanking you for this life experience and teaching me what the meaning of a douche is.

I'm in so much pain, I hope you feel this one day. You get a hard on doing this to women? What is wrong with you? Just because you don't love yourself doesn't give you the right to do what you're doing. I wish I could hit you, I should have when I had the chance. I wish I could hate you but that's not who I am. I wish your wife knew what a lying , cheating, snake, scumbag and pervert you are. I wish I had the courage to tell you both that I'm pregnant. Not to worry because I'm not keeping it, I definitely don't want your bastard child.