RuedeRivoli

People are so hung up on the "disturb my peace" part - it was just a sarcastic comment. It's not that deep really.

My reaction is not "big" at all. I'm suspecting it is a drunk text since he hasn't answered hence the question about blocking him potentially.

I've been through a lot lately so trust me, I'm not super hung up on this. I've bigger things going on.

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

And... block is for drunk texters.

I'm suspecting he was indeed drunk. He wasn't an alcoholic, but he certainly liked to drink.

9 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Oh I hear you. If it happens a lot, it can be annoying as it just shows lack of presence and general meaningless. It’s much better to keep in touch with people who make time or want to engage in meaningful conversation. 

On the other hand, I tend to give the person the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they’re on vacation, going through an illness or helping a family member. Life is way too short to hold grudges against someone I’d barely know. I don’t know if I’d spend another second thinking about it.

It’s completely up to you. Ignore it or block him. No hard and fast rule here. 

We shared a flat for 4 years sharp, so "barely" know is a huge stretch. I get your point though.

1. I mentioned "male" because from experience men text differently than women. 

2. There was never any romantic inclination on my end or his. 100% there will never be one. We were just "friendly" flatmates who got along. We never fought or had arguments during the 4 years we shared that flat. 

3. I simply find it rude to text someone then ghost once you get an answer regardless of who it is. He did not forget he texted me since he read my message. It's happened to me with a few people before and it honestly is one of my biggest pet peeves. If you're not going to continue the conversation or have no real purpose in texting me then don't text. It's even more rude when it comes from people you never hear from. It's just bad etiquette and always annoys me regardless of who does it.

4. We shared a flat for 4 years sharp. It's quite a long time. It doesn't have much relevance to this thread, but just to say he's not a random.

My former flatmate (male) suddenly wrote me on Friday night saying they were thinking of me and wanted to drop a line. I moved out two years ago and hadn’t heard from them since. I responded politely and they’ve remained radio silent.

I’m now suspecting it was a drunk text and they just realized what they’d done when they sobered up.

Why disturb my peace if you can’t be bothered to respond.

Should I just block him?

39 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I'm sorry you're disappointed.  Could it be that your exacting expectations and reactions to slights or perceived slights come across in how you work with others and perhaps your reputation precedes you?  Even if your skills are way above average and you work hard and reliably if the mindset you have and the focus you have about this job application is consistent with how you handle -or appear to handle -others' "mistakes" or "unprofessional" behavior you perhaps could be getting in your own way.

Not really. It's a large company of 210,000 employees worldwide and I was applying for a role overseas. The HR coordinator is also located overseas and doesn't know me. All the feedbacks I have documented have been positive, including my manager's. 

I don't have a "reputation" at all. The only reputation I have is being a pleasant "yes yes" person. Me stating on a forum that a process (not a person) is unprofessional does not mean I go around the office calling out who is professional and who is not. I think people need to distinguish that feelings or expressions of emotions posted on a forum obviously do not reflect one's behaviour at work. This is an anonymous forum, hence me being forward about my feelings is all. So we are clear, I am criticizing a process as being "unprofessional", not the HR contact person.

If my reputation was "preceding" me, I am pretty sure I wouldn't have been invited to an interview in the first place. I can appreciate sometimes it is an employee's fault, but I find it a bit of stretch to assume I have a negative reputation simply because I'm expressing my thoughts on a forum. Your post is quite offensive (though I know it's not what you meant).

Yeah, it could have been an automated message mistake, but I went into the status of the application in Workday and it was changed from application received to "under consideration". While I may assume an email can be triggered accidentally, I don't think a change in status is accidental. 

It could very well be HR was not aware the hiring manager had candidates shortlisted already. 

It is disappointing, especially for an internal role where you would think you would be treated with a bit more courtesy than an external applicant. 

It is what it is. It is my 3rd internal application that got rejected within 3 / 4 days meanwhile everyone else in my team seems to be moving internally (upwards) pretty easily. I don't understand. 

53 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

They did acknowledge your application. Let it go. Is it worth the headaches for something you were meh about anyway?

I think you're misunderstanding my statement. I said they should have just left it at the stage where the acknowledged the application (a first email before the one mentioned in the OP) instead of sending a second email regarding an interview that eventually never took place. 

I just think it is unprofessional. 

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sometimes things are posted to comply with labor and EEOC laws and have nothing to do with you personally. Did you actually want this position?

The job seemed interesting and it is a more senior role. The location wasn't really to my liking though.

It is not the end of the world, certainly, but I am a bit disappointed as to how this was handled. They should have just acknowledged the application and left it until they were sure they wanted to interview me before sending an email on this step that never happened in the end. 

2 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I'm sorry, OP. 

It sounds like the position has been filled. 

The position still reads as "open" in the system, which is why I am utterly confused.

After receiving that email I mentioned above, I got an email yesterday stating that they will not be moving forward with my application. I haven't even had the chance to interview. I find this highly unprofessional to be honest. 

Thank you!

I still haven't heard anything since that email, but I will update if something comes up. 

2 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Go by the email that you received today about scheduling an interview. Did you respond to them? 

It was an automated email via Workday. There was no option to respond as the email stated they will reach out in due course for this next step.

Hi all, 

On Friday, I applied for an internal job posting in a different location (not highly sought after location). I received an email today stating their would like to look at my application more closely and schedule an interview. 

I then went onto the internal portal to access the job posting and it appears they just took it down. It was posted less than a month ago. 

I am assuming they probably have had some applications coming in but it is not really a sought after location either, so I'm not sure as to whether they've had a surplus. 

Do I still stand a chance? 

Thanks.

Just now, Seraphim said:

Then it is time to get a different job. I would start sending out resumes . That is the only answer really. 

Yeah, I have. I've had interviews, but nothing definite yet.

3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I hear you I was back to work 4 days after my dad died in 2020. I worked 12 hours a day. I went back to work 3 days after my step dad died in November. Now I work less days but the days are just as long. 
 

I would book a meeting with your boss and ask for more time off or a reduced workload. 

I thought of this but I don't want them to think I'm "milking it". It's been 4 months. I took two weeks of sick leave in February due to the stress and that was it.

I could really do with reduced hours, but I know it will just end up me getting even more stressed because they will force me to get my regular workload done in less hours. Reduced workload won't work because I already have co-workers dumping their work on me because they want to go on leave and when I advised I couldn't handle their work on top of mine, I was told to get on with it. 

I'm really at an impasse because no one really wants to understand. 

Thank you.

I don't smoke or drink, so at least, there's that. I got for walks at lunch time, but I find the crowd to be giving me more anxiety than anything else really.

As far as talking to colleagues, I don't care if they went ahead and told people about me struggling to cope with grief and my workload. It's the least of my concerns and there is no shame in it. I wasn't mopping about my grief, I was talking about my workload management. We're human and I'm having a human experience. It's the "we all have problems" that got to me, but I'm fine now. I see people's true colors. People think once you're back from your one week compassionate leave, you're already back to normal which is not true. 

Thank you, everyone. I really appreciate the kind advice. 

I think what really adds more stress is my work environment and the amount of work I have. I tried discussing my workload with a colleague in a confidential chat to get advice on how I can approach it. This colleague also lost their dad many years ago and I thought they would understand where I come from. Instead, I was met with a "we all have problems", so I shut down even more. 

My employer hasn't been supportive and I'm not asking them for anything, but I'm at an impasse where I think I cannot cope with my workload anymore. Management is used to me working over and backwards 10-12 hours a day on the regular to absorb the unreasonable workload, but I can't do it anymore. I'm just being told to get on with it.

Helping my mother with the paperwork is not what is causing me stress. The stress is derived from my workplace and the grief, combined with the fact I barely have time for myself. 

I keep telling myself to just keep moving along, but some days are hard. I work from the office twice a week and every single time I set a foot there, I cry. I've no close work colleague, no friends, no partner, not much support really. I see a therapist once every two weeks, but it's not enough. 

My dad died unexpectedly of a heart attack at 64, hence my concerns. His siblings and mother also died rather young (in their 60s). 

Sometimes I just zone out whether I'm at work or walking down the street. I simply disconnect and stare blankly thinking of how things were flipped upside down overnight. I can't tolerate people talking about their "mundane" problems (i.e. work problems or day to day problems). I find my tolerance has completely vanished. 

I'm seeing a therapist, hence my sentence "aside from seeing a therapist".  It's not reluctance. 

Yes, the doctors told me it was stress related and suggested therapy. That's it. One suggested medication, which I refused because at that point, it has only been a month since my dad passed and I was in the thick of it with grief, so I didn't want to jump the gun. 

I'm against medication, regardless of what people say. Unless I have a particular physical condition, any mental-health medication is a no go for me. 

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Everyone in your family seems to be in the anger stages of grief. Especially you.

Simmer down and skip the arrogance. Maybe this is a case of the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree?

I don't have any arrogance, I'm simply trying to explain the context. You called me a fool, that's not nice.

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's ok. But she needs neutral professionals locally to manage the estate, her financial affairs, etc.

Volunteering to execute a will when you are not the legally designated executrix, is foolish.

Well, you obviously you do not have the full context and manage to call me a fool.

My dad did not have a will, so I'm not taking on the role of "executor" illegally. As matter of fact, local law states that where there's a will, anyone can be appointed in it as executor. It doesn't have to be a professional. I think I'm well-versed enough with the law to know where I can and can't step in. You can rest assured that I did my research as to what I could and could not do before taking on this burden.

She is based in France. It's not how things work. It's a fancy thing in the US / UK to hire a lawyer even if you don't have a complex estate, but not in France. People don't really do that.  If the person's net worth is under a particular amount or if there is no will, you do not need to involve an external party for these proceedings. It is my dad's case. 

You do not need a lawyer to trigger the mortgage insurance protection payments on the house and collect life insurance. These are the only two things my dad had under his name. These do not require a lawyer. They require to fill in some paperwork and get the process going. Very very few people hire an estate lawyer where she lives, simply because it's not customary. Notaries are hired, but only if the estate is above a certain threshold or if there is a will involved, which is not the case here. 

5 hours ago, melancholy123 said:

You may have a legal degree and understand these things but you dont have the temperament to handle them.  This is nothing but a boat load of stress for you.  You or mother would be better off to pay  an estate lawyer to sort it out.

I have the temperament to deal with these processes and I'm perfectly fine handling them. I've handled far worse in my day to day job even in terms of clients. What I don't like is her meddling without having any knowledge of how the process works and her throwing tantrums at every corner. It's different when it's a client because you have that professional barrier, but when it's a family remember constantly questioning what you're doing when you're doing this as a favour because you're getting nothing from it ... it's particularly annoying.

My mother doesn't have the means to hire a lawyer and honestly, it's not really how it works where she is based. I know in the US/UK/Canada, it's a thing to hire a lawyer for these things, but not where she is based. Very very few people do, unless they have a very substantial estate, which was not my dad's case. I don't want to pay for it anyways. You don't need an estate lawyer to initiate insurance protection payments on a mortgage and collect life insurance. 

1 minute ago, Jibralta said:

Is it possible that she is just reaching out for support? Can you say, "Thank you so much for dealing with this! I know how hard she can be."

Yes, I think she does reach out to me for support. She probably won't admit it, but I think it must be hard for her and my other sister to deal with my mother. In the past, my father used to always dilute my mother's outbursts, but now that he is gone, I can only imagine her outbursts may have gotten worse and two sisters are probably disarmed. They probably don't want to upset her even more. 

I did thanked my sister this morning for helping me with the few bits of paperwork she did and told her how hard it must be for her to be dealing with all this at such a young age. I said that I was really appreciative of all she's done. I think I felt a bit of despair when she wrote me if I'm honest. 

People said I should cut my siblings off because they're not my responsibility, but my mother will damage them the way she did me. They don't have anyone (no grandparents, no uncles / aunts because my mom is estranged from her own family and some of my dad's family). With my dad being gone and her acting like another child, rather than the adult, my poor siblings are probably utterly disoriented.

50 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

And what? Sounds like your sister has to do a little managing of her own. You manage the finances for them, she can manage the outbursts. Teamwork.

Exactly. I really did not need my sister to relay my mom's outbursts. She should be managing those on her own, especially as she knows the answers to the questions. She kept relaying her outbursts all morning and as I was working from home, it literally derailed my entire morning. I didn't do anything all morning, then I kept focusing on her outbursts. I normally never interact with my siblings during the week to prevent this type of scenario, but there was an urgent document we needed to sort out. 

Not speaking to my mom for the last month was the best decision I could have made for myself. 

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Let her get an attorney to help her execute his will. If there's no will she's the sole beneficiary, so your involvement is completely unnecessary anyway. Either way she needs legal advice if she can not handle the details and finances of his death. Do Not get Involved.

I'm the one with the legal degree and financial background in the family, so technically, I have the knowledge.