Thanks for all of the advice everybody.
I broke things off with the new girl. She was justifiably pissed off.
I talked to my ex and she was willing to work things out. Obviously there are going to be issues with trust. We talked about how she didn't want to get hurt again and it would take her a long time before these fears died away. Of course I can accept that, and we will work on it. I don't know how to win her trust back besides being faithful, honest and frank about what I am feeling. Even though I have a vested interest in working things out I think and hope that we can do it.
Several of you wanted to know some of the details about what happened leading up to the brake up. There was no one thing that went wrong in our relationship. It was just a matter of getting too comfortable; we were also talking about moving things to the next level (engagement, etc.) Although I was excited about these possibilities, subconsciously I was worried and unsure if she was the person I would spend my life with. Then she went away on a trip and I went out for a friend's b-day celebration. I had too much to drink and the new girl told me that she had feelings for me. Things were exciting and I had fantasized about her before. We went back to her house and although I guess technically I didn't cheat (no sex), but it was too much for me to handle. When my gf got back I broke up with her. I have an ego problem because I think that everything that I do has to be logical, rational and well-considered. I figured that I wouldn't have gone to the new girl's house unless I wanted to leave my ex. I couldn't accept the fact that I make bad decisions.
I spent a week or so getting myself together and I started seeing the new girl. Things were ok, but after the initial euphoria wore off I realized that had made a huge mistake. I have spent the last week and half trying to understand what I am feeling. I needed to know if it was simple regret over loosing a great relationship, or if it was something more. I talked to several close friends who had been in similar situations and thought about it myself for a long time. I knew it was more. I needed my ex in my life. I can't describe it besides saying that there is emptiness inside of you that aches and drives you crazy.
A lot of people suggested that I really just need time to myself to figure things out, and that I need to be happy with myself before I can be happy with someone else. I know that this is probably the decision that is the most logical, but I also know myself. I know now what I need to be happy. I need my ex back. I used to think that I was the strong one in our relationship, and that she used me as support. In a lot of ways I regretted this. I hated having to be the strong one in the relationship. I now realize that I relied on her for a lot more than I ever knew. She provided me with so much happiness, and that happiness was the greatest feeling in my life.
I realize that this is a lengthy post, and a lot of it is probably more than people want or need to know. I just wanted to provide the details to people so they can draw upon it if they are in a similar situation. To those people who said that they are in a similar situation, but on the flip side all I can say is follow your heart. Only you know if you can give up your anger and learn to trust again. To all those people who may be in my situation, or are in a committed relationship. Think about yourself and others before you act. And realize the effect that your words have on other people. You can't take them back when they are out there.
If anyone has tried to work things out with there ex I would like to here what they did. Has anyone tried relationship counselling? Has anyone been successful without it? I know that I need help on dealing with my own issues, but I want to do that on my own first.
thanks again for the help it means a lot.
