I always treated you with love and kindness. I hope I always will. I feel myself getting angry and try to allow it but I will not allow myself to hate you. I knew what you were from the beginning but I thought we could help each other. I thought I could love you and make you better and I did. We were perfect because I needed to give and you needed...and needed and still need. I am not enough for you but I don't think anyone is right now. I wish I would have met you at a time when you still loved women and didn't hate us or yourself so much. However, we wouldn't have been the same people. Your damage is your appeal. You attract women that need to nourish something and love it back to health. I'm glad I never really revealed why I fell for you, every time I revealed a truth to you, it was used to hurt me. I can't believe how much you need to hurt people. As many times as I have seen people deliberately hurt another person, child or animal, I still have a hard time believing that people actually do it. I am the insane one. I guess I just can't relate to wanting to hurt someone. That is what I would ask you - Do you really not see the pain you cause? Did you really think I would be okay with you bringing other girls to hang out with us? Did you think it was okay because you asked me ahead of time? But really, did you not understand and really think that when I clearly stated my boundaries and this specific behavior was outside of what I would tolerate, that asking me would some how relieve you of the responsibility to breaking the boundary I set. I am feeling so spent, humiliated and completely disillusioned. I am a pathetic person. I think though that this is a lesson for me not to judge others for being suicidal or allowing abuse. Abuse isn't started out of the blue, it is a slow process and manipulators know that and I am beginning to believe you are a master Machiavellian. Or, you were just a guy out to have fun and I took it seriously and you were so kind you didn't know how to tell me the relationship was over so you kept doing things to break up. But, you always came back and acted like you really wanted the relationship. I don't know what you want- other than that I hang out with you and other girls. I understand now why your ex tried to kill herself. I bought into your tragedy and hated her for trying to do that "to you" and now, I completely understand, completely - Karmic.