After our breakup, I realized that it was too hard to keep you close, near, know you exist
I couldn't watch as you fell in love with someone else while I struggle to put my pieces back together still
A year and I still feel pieces missing. I couldn't watch.
I pretend you don't exist- but my brain reminds me at night
The dreams I can't control- the dreams where I beg you to look at me the way you used to
I know it was toxic, I needed a break.
But that doesn't mean i didn't or dont still love you
I didn't lie when i said i loved you more than most people on this planet
You were my family- my home. How can I just wipe it away?
Even though I know my mind was at its breaking point - I needed out of the chaos... but I couldn't take my heart out
You can remove yourself from a situation - but you can't just casually remove the feelings from your soul.
The hurt I caused, the hurt i felt- that i still feel-
They still don't mask or hide the passion or intensity my soul has for you. The way it clings to those butterflies I felt as your lips touched mine.
Will I ever feel that way again? Sometimes im optimistic, but at night i think that a big piece of me went when i left. You took it- I don't think you kept it. But its gone from me wherever it went.
I still keep going- try to put myself back together. Parts of me are much better, that's for sure. I feel healthy and happy.
But my heart sings a song sometimes that I cannot help but hear. It still hurts. Very very much.
The tears still soak my pillow as i write every word. Each tear carries its own story and represents a moment in time where our hearts were one.
I know there was bad.. but I'll never ever forget the good
I try to close the book - call it my biggest chapter yet. But i think i keep adding pages even though i dont try to.
Im sorry.