6 Steps to Being Real (and Why It Matters)

Key Takeaways:

• Identify personal values and beliefs
• Align actions with your true self
• Manage and navigate social pressures
• Embrace vulnerability as strength
• Seek supportive relationships

The quest to 'be real' in an increasingly curated world is more challenging than ever. With the rise of social media and the pressure to present a perfect facade, the importance of authenticity has skyrocketed, not just as a personal virtue but as a cornerstone of mental health. This article dives deep into the essence of being real, why it matters, and how you can achieve it through actionable steps.

Being real isn't just about honesty or simplicity; it's about being congruent with who you are at your core. It involves peeling back the layers of expectations and societal norms to reveal the true self within. For many, this journey starts with a keen sense of self-awareness and a determination to align one's life with their deepest values and beliefs.

However, the path to authenticity is fraught with challenges. It demands courage, vulnerability, and a willingness to stand out from the crowd. This article will guide you through understanding what it means to be authentic and how embracing your true self can lead to a more fulfilling and psychologically sound life.

We will explore the scientific underpinnings of authenticity, illustrating how being genuine benefits your mental health and social relationships. By grounding our discussion in psychological theories and real-world applications, we aim to provide a roadmap that not only enlightens but empowers.

Moreover, the struggle to maintain authenticity in a world that often rewards conformity can be isolating. Through this exploration, we seek to offer not just strategies but also solace and solidarity to those who strive to live authentically.

Join us as we uncover the layers of being real, the impact on our mental wellness, and the practical steps you can take to cultivate authenticity in your daily life.

The Challenge of Being Real in a Superficial World

In today's digital age, the line between reality and performance is blurrier than ever. Social media platforms, where users can curate and edit their lives down to the smallest detail, exert a formidable influence on our perceptions of authenticity. This omnipresent pressure to conform to idealized standards can make it difficult to remain true to oneself.

Many find themselves portraying characters rather than living as their true selves, leading to a sense of disconnection and dissatisfaction. The disparity between the 'online self' and the 'real self' can generate significant psychological stress and identity confusion, detracting from one's mental health and well-being.

Moreover, the societal reward system that praises perfection and success often discourages individuals from showing weakness or vulnerability, further complicating the pursuit of authenticity. This creates an environment where superficiality gains ground over substance, making it harder for individuals to connect genuinely with others and themselves.

Addressing this challenge requires a conscious effort to discern and dismantle the facades we build. It demands that we question the standards we subscribe to and actively choose a path aligned with our genuine selves, regardless of external validation. The following sections will explore how to navigate these obstacles and embrace a life of authenticity.

Understanding Authenticity

Authenticity is a multifaceted concept that extends beyond mere truth-telling or sincerity. It is the practice of being genuine and true to oneself in various aspects of life, including thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. To be authentic is to align your external actions with your internal beliefs and values.

Psychologists often view authenticity as comprising several components: self-awareness, unbiased processing, behavior that is congruent with one's values, and relational orientation that values openness and truth. Each component plays a critical role in fostering genuine self-expression and living an authentic life.

Self-awareness, the cornerstone of authenticity, involves understanding one's motives, preferences, and emotions. It is the first step towards recognizing what truly resonates with one's core identity, rather than merely adopting roles imposed by society or one's immediate circle.

Unbiased processing requires an individual to handle information about themselves in a balanced and objective manner. This means acknowledging both strengths and weaknesses without the filters of ego or self-deception, which often skew our perception of reality.

The congruence between one's values and behavior signifies that authentic individuals act in ways that are consistent with their beliefs. This alignment reduces internal conflict and promotes a sense of peace and integrity.

Relational authenticity means being genuine in interactions with others, which involves expressing one's true thoughts and feelings. This not only fosters deeper connections but also builds trust and respect in relationships.

Understanding these components helps individuals navigate the complex process of becoming authentic. It is a journey that requires introspection, honesty, and sometimes, the courage to stand apart from the norm.

Why Being Real Matters

The importance of being real cannot be overstated. In a world where superficial interactions often dominate, authenticity stands out as a beacon of truth and reliability. Being real has profound implications for personal happiness, relationship quality, and overall well-being.

Firstly, authenticity contributes to greater psychological well-being. Research indicates that individuals who are true to themselves experience lower levels of depression, anxiety, and stress. They are more resilient in the face of adversity, as they draw strength from a well-established sense of self.

Moreover, being authentic enhances relationships. When individuals are genuine, they invite others to interact with them on a deeper, more meaningful level. This openness paves the way for stronger, more fulfilling connections based on mutual respect and understanding.

Finally, living authentically allows individuals to contribute positively to the world. By embracing their unique qualities and expressing them freely, they inspire others to do the same, fostering a culture of honesty and integrity.

The Psychological Benefits of Authenticity

Embracing authenticity offers a plethora of psychological benefits that contribute to a healthier, more fulfilling life. The journey to being real supports emotional well-being, enhances self-esteem, and fosters resilience, among other advantages.

One of the key benefits of authenticity is enhanced emotional regulation. Authentic individuals are better equipped to confront and process their emotions effectively, which leads to lower instances of bottled-up feelings and psychological distress. This ability stems from a deep understanding and acceptance of one's emotional landscape, which authenticity nurtures.

Additionally, being true to oneself bolsters self-esteem. When people align their actions with their true values, they experience an intrinsic sense of self-worth that isn't easily shaken by external criticism or failure. This internal security promotes a robust sense of self that is resilient to life's challenges.

Authenticity also encourages resilience. By fostering a strong, genuine sense of identity, individuals are better prepared to face adversities and recover from setbacks. This resilience is partly due to the authentic person's ability to remain true to themselves under pressure, maintaining their integrity in the face of challenges.

Moreover, genuine individuals often enjoy improved relationships. Authenticity allows for deeper connections and trust, as it invites openness and honesty in interactions. These meaningful relationships provide emotional support and contribute to one's overall mental health and happiness.

Common Barriers to Being Real

While the benefits of being real are clear, numerous barriers can impede this pursuit. Recognizing and understanding these obstacles is the first step toward overcoming them and embracing a more authentic life.

Fear of judgment and rejection is one of the most significant barriers. Many individuals fear that showing their true selves will lead to negative evaluation or exclusion from social groups, which can be particularly daunting in highly judgmental or conformist environments.

Another common barrier is the lack of self-awareness. Without a clear understanding of one's own values, beliefs, and emotions, it becomes challenging to live authentically. This can lead to a life lived according to the expectations of others, rather than based on personal truth.

Additionally, societal pressures and cultural norms often discourage authenticity. In many societies, conformity is encouraged, and deviation from the norm can be frowned upon, making it difficult for individuals to express their true selves without fear of social repercussion.

Past experiences and trauma can also deter individuals from being authentic. Those who have experienced negative reactions when expressing themselves genuinely may develop a protective facade to avoid future pain.

Lastly, the digital age poses unique challenges. The prevalence of social media creates environments where people feel compelled to present idealized versions of themselves, which can distort self-perception and hinder authentic expression.

Step 1: Self-Reflection and Awareness

Beginning the journey towards authenticity starts with self-reflection and awareness. This foundational step is crucial for understanding who you are beneath the external influences and societal expectations.

Self-reflection involves taking time to genuinely consider your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and reactions. This process can be facilitated through practices like journaling, meditation, or therapy, which help to uncover deep-seated beliefs and emotional responses that shape your identity.

It's important to assess how you react in different situations and to identify any discrepancies between your actions and your inner beliefs. Such discrepancies often indicate areas where external pressures override your true self, guiding you towards areas needing alignment.

Awareness also extends to recognizing your emotional triggers and understanding why they affect you. This insight can reduce the power these triggers have over you, enabling you to make more conscious choices that reflect your true self.

Reflecting on past experiences is another essential aspect of this step. Analyzing situations where you felt particularly authentic or inauthentic can provide clues about what environments and interactions align with your true nature.

Engaging in honest self-dialogue is another powerful tool. Ask yourself challenging questions: Are you pretending in some areas of your life? Are you happy with your current relationships and the roles you play within them? Such questions can be uncomfortable but are vital for deep self-awareness.

Lastly, the practice of mindfulness can enhance your self-awareness. By being present in the moment and attentive to your thoughts and feelings without judgment, you can gain a clearer understanding of your authentic self.

Step 2: Defining Your Values

Once you have a better understanding of yourself through self-reflection, the next step is defining your core values. Values are the principles that guide your behavior; they influence your decisions, shape your goals, and determine how you interact with the world around you.

Identifying your values starts with exploring what truly matters to you. Consider the times when you felt most fulfilled or proud—what were you doing? Who were you with? These questions can help pinpoint the values that are most significant to you.

It's also helpful to think about what makes you angry or frustrated, as these emotions can highlight values that are being compromised. For instance, if dishonesty from others bothers you, integrity might be one of your core values.

Once identified, these values should be clearly articulated and written down. This act of writing reinforces their importance and makes them more tangible, serving as a guide for your actions going forward.

Step 3: Aligning Actions with Values

With a clear set of defined values, the next step is to ensure that your actions consistently align with these principles. This congruence between values and behavior is essential for living authentically and fostering a genuine sense of self-satisfaction.

Start by reviewing your daily activities and decisions. Ask yourself if they reflect your values or if they are influenced by external pressures. It's important to make adjustments if you find discrepancies, even if these changes require difficult decisions or significant effort.

Setting small, manageable goals can be an effective way to begin aligning your actions with your values. For example, if one of your core values is kindness, set a goal to perform at least one random act of kindness each day. This practice can help solidify your values in your daily routine.

Remember, consistency is key. The more consistently you act in accordance with your values, the stronger your sense of authenticity will grow. This might mean making tough choices, such as leaving a job or relationship that contradicts your core values, but the peace and clarity that come from such congruence are invaluable.

Step 4: Managing Social Expectations

Navigating social expectations while trying to remain true to oneself is one of the more challenging aspects of being authentic. Social norms and expectations often pressure individuals to conform, which can conflict with personal values and the pursuit of authenticity.

It's important to develop strategies for managing these pressures without compromising your integrity. Start by identifying the social expectations that are at odds with your values. Understand the source of these expectations, whether they stem from family, friends, workplace, or society at large.

Communication is key. Being open and honest about your values and boundaries can help manage others' expectations of you. While this might lead to disagreements or conflict, it also opens up opportunities for deeper understanding and respect.

Seek support from like-minded individuals who respect and share your values. This can provide a buffer against the pressure to conform and help reinforce your commitment to authenticity.

It is also crucial to set boundaries. Decide what behaviors and interactions you are willing to accept, and be assertive in enforcing these boundaries. This will help protect your authenticity and prevent you from falling into the trap of people-pleasing.

Finally, be prepared to reassess your social circles. Surrounding yourself with people who support and encourage your authenticity can dramatically ease the stress of managing social expectations and enhance your overall well-being.

Step 5: Practicing Vulnerability

Vulnerability is a powerful component of authenticity. It involves opening up about your feelings, desires, and fears, which can be daunting but is essential for true connection and self-expression. Embracing vulnerability is a courageous step towards being real in all aspects of your life.

To practice vulnerability, start by identifying areas in your life where you feel you must put up a facade. Consider the reasons behind these defenses and gently challenge yourself to lower them, starting in safe and supportive environments.

Share your thoughts and feelings with others more openly than you might usually. This doesn't mean over-sharing or seeking validation, but rather expressing your true self in a way that is honest and heartfelt. It's about letting others see your imperfections and uncertainties.

It's also important to accept vulnerability as a strength, not a weakness. Recognize that being vulnerable allows for deeper connections with others and leads to a greater sense of belonging and acceptance—both by others and of yourself.

Practice empathy both towards yourself and others. Understanding and sharing the feelings of another person can enhance your ability to be vulnerable in a thoughtful and meaningful way.

Be patient with yourself in this process. Vulnerability is challenging and may feel uncomfortable at first. It's a skill that requires practice and can feel more natural over time as you build trust in yourself and your relationships.

Lastly, monitor the outcomes of your vulnerability. Notice how being open affects your relationships and self-esteem. Over time, you'll likely find that your most authentic relationships are those where vulnerability is reciprocated and valued.

Step 6: Seeking Support

While the journey to authenticity is deeply personal, having a support network can make a significant difference. Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals can provide encouragement and insight as you work to align your life with your true self.

Identify individuals who embrace and encourage your authentic self. These might be friends who appreciate your true personality or family members who support your genuine interests and ambitions.

Consider professional help if you find it difficult to navigate your path to authenticity on your own. Therapists can offer valuable guidance in understanding and addressing the barriers to being real, such as deep-seated fears or unresolved trauma.

Join groups or communities that share your values or are dedicated to personal growth and authenticity. These can provide a sense of belonging and additional resources and perspectives that can enrich your journey.

Maintaining Authenticity Over Time

Maintaining authenticity over time requires continuous effort and self-awareness. As life changes, so too might your values and the expression of your true self. It's important to regularly reassess and realign your life with what feels genuinely representative of who you are.

Establish a routine of periodic self-reflection. Set aside time to evaluate whether your current life choices still align with your core values. This could be done through journaling, meditation, or discussions with a trusted friend or advisor who understands your journey.

Stay adaptable. Life's inevitable changes may require you to modify your behaviors and goals to stay true to yourself. Being flexible while maintaining your core values is key to sustained authenticity.

Resist complacency by continually challenging yourself to grow and expand your understanding of yourself. This might involve stepping out of your comfort zone, trying new things, or reevaluating old beliefs in light of new experiences.

Keep your support network active. Engage regularly with people who encourage your authenticity. These relationships not only support you but also challenge you to remain genuine and accountable.

Finally, celebrate your successes in being true to yourself. Acknowledge and reward yourself for the times you've effectively lived according to your values. Recognizing these moments can reinforce your commitment to authenticity and motivate you to continue on this path.

Challenges and Solutions

Despite the best intentions, several challenges can arise on the path to living authentically. Recognizing these common hurdles can help you prepare for and effectively manage them.

A common challenge is facing social rejection or misunderstanding. When you live authentically, not everyone will understand or appreciate the real you. It's crucial to cultivate resilience and not take such rejections personally.

Another challenge can be the internal conflict that arises when personal desires conflict with professional or social obligations. To navigate this, prioritize your values and make compromises where necessary without compromising your core identity.

Fear of vulnerability, as mentioned earlier, can also deter you from being real. Overcoming this fear involves gradual exposure to openness and embracing the discomfort that sometimes comes with it as part of the growth process.

Lastly, staying motivated can be difficult, especially when progress seems slow or invisible. Setting small, measurable goals can help maintain momentum and keep you focused on the broader benefits of authenticity.

FAQ: Overcoming Obstacles in Being Real

Q: What if being my real self leads to rejection? A: Rejection is a common fear that can deter you from being authentic. Remember, genuine relationships are based on authenticity, and those who value the real you are crucial to your well-being. Embrace that some may drift away, but others will draw closer because they appreciate your true self.

Q: How can I start being more authentic if I'm not sure who I really am? A: Begin with self-discovery activities like journaling, therapy, and feedback from close friends or family. Explore different hobbies and interests to understand what truly resonates with you. This exploration is a key step in uncovering your authentic self.

Q: How do I handle the pressure to conform at work? A: In professional settings, it can be challenging to balance authenticity with conformity. Focus on aligning your work with your values where possible and communicate your needs and boundaries clearly. Seek roles and organizations that celebrate individuality and authenticity.

Q: What strategies can help maintain authenticity in tough times? A: Tough times test our commitment to authenticity. Maintain a support network, continue self-reflection practices, and remember the long-term benefits of being true to yourself. Resilience in these times is built by sticking to your values even when it's challenging.

Conclusion

Being real isn't just a casual choice but a way of life that enriches your existence at its core. It allows you to live freely and fully, connected deeply with your true self and fostering relationships that are genuinely supportive and fulfilling.

The journey to authenticity is both challenging and rewarding. It requires courage, honesty, and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths about oneself and one's life. Yet, the clarity and peace that come from living authentically are incomparable.

Each step towards being real, from understanding your true self to expressing vulnerability, plays a critical role in shaping a life that feels genuinely yours. While obstacles will arise, the strategies outlined in this article provide a roadmap for navigating them with grace and resilience.

Remember, authenticity is a continual process of alignment and realignment. As you grow and evolve, so too will your understanding of what it means to be true to yourself. Embrace this evolution as part of your journey.

Encourage yourself to take small steps daily towards authenticity. The cumulative effect of these efforts will lead to significant changes in how you feel about yourself and how you interact with the world around you.

Ultimately, the goal of being real is to live a life where your exterior life matches your inner values and aspirations. It's about creating a life where you don't just survive, but thrive by being sincerely you.

The path to authenticity is personal and unique. As you continue on this path, keep focused on the value of each step and the freedom it brings.

Recommended Resources

• Brene Brown, "The Gifts of Imperfection" – Explore the power of embracing vulnerability and authenticity.
• Charles Taylor, "The Ethics of Authenticity" – A profound look into the modern social pressures against the authentic self.
• Harriet Lerner, "The Dance of Connection" – Insights on expressing your true self in relationships and maintaining your integrity.