Hey, What If She Says No? Questions About Chances and Friendships

When it comes to asking someone out there are so many questions and uncertainties, but one of the hardest parts could be worrying if you'll lose a friendship if they say 'no'. Where do you even start in such a difficult situation?

It can be daunting and the risk of potential rejection is enough to put most people off even trying. You worry that if this person says 'no' then your friendship will become sour and you'll have lost something important. There's also a fear that all your time over the last few weeks may have been wasted, not just by you but also by them, if in fact things were meant to remain as 'just friends'.

So, should you take that leap of faith and ask them out? Well, it depends on how strong your feelings are and how important your friendship is to you. There's only one way to find out and so the question of whether you should or shouldn't take the plunge is totally up to you.

You need to consider how much you're willing to risk and how you'd feel if their response wasn't what you'd hoped for. Would you be able to look past this moment, have an honest conversation with them, and move forward with the same level of friendship you had before? This begins by being open and honest with them - both in your feelings and what you hope to gain from the expression of those feelings.

If you're confident and certain you've taken great care to weigh up the possibilities and side-effects before swinging into action and by way of preparation you might try writing down the ways in which you can positively express your feelings to your friend regardless of their answer - i.e. what could you end up with, long-term, if they say 'no'. This is a great way of managing realistic expectations and allows you more control in how the conversation proceeds.

It's a wise idea for you to set yourself up for success no matter what their response might be. Have an exit strategy so that once the question has been asked and answered, you can both exit the situation gracefully. That may mean scheduling a mutually agreed and separate follow-up call that would include an opportunity to talk and nurture your friendship, regardless of the outcome. Although the temptation is real, it is essential that you think about how your actions and words might affect your current relationship. Asking someone out can upset the balance between you and so if you're not prepared and have not thought through in detail every eventuality of this situation you should hold off.

Be genuinely prepared to listen to their response, understanding and empathizing with their feelings and emotions, thereby avoiding any accusations or blame falling on either of you and living to fight another day - literally and figuratively. The overall takeaway is this: If you don't ask, you won't know. But it's smart to take your time assessing the potential risks and challenges within the friendship so that, in the end, this life-changing question can be tackled the right way.