I'VE FALLEN FOR MY BEST FRIEND.....PLEASE HELP!!!!!

[SaMmYsTar1607306443]

I MET MY BEST FRIEND THROUGH MY EX-BOYFRIEND. WE HAVE ALWAYS GOTTEN ALONG REALLY WELL AND HAVE ALWAYS HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME TOGETHER. WELL ABOUT A YEAR AGO HE MOVED IN WITH ME. OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS ALWAYS BEEN COMPLETELY PLATONIC. WE HELP EACH OTHER OUT WITH EVERYTHING. MY MOM BROUGHT IT TO OUR ATTENTION THAT WE ACT LIKE A MARRIED COUPLE. HE MAKES ME LUNCH, WE EACH CARRY A SPARE KEY FOR ONE ANOTHERS CAR, SHARE AN ACCOUNT AT THE VIDEO STORE OKAY YOU GET THE POINT. BUT RECENTLY A FEW FRIENDS TOLD US THAT THEY ALL THINK THAT WE ARE GONNA END UP MARRIED. I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT UNTIL THIS ALL CAME ABOUT. NOW I FIND MYSELF TAKING HIM SERIOUSLY EVERYTIME HE CALLS ME "HUNNY" OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT (PATHETIC I KNOW). I REALLY THINK I HAVE FALLEN FOR HIM. I THINK WE WOULD MAKE A REALLY GOOD COUPLE BECAUSE WE ALREADY DO SO MUCH TOGETHER AND SO MUCH FOR EACH OTHER. IT SEEMS LIKE IT WOULD BE PERFECT. BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DECIDE IF HE IS AT ALL INTERESTED IN ME IN THIS WAY WITHOUT FREAKING HIM OUT OR MAKING AN ASS OF MYSELF IF HE IS NOT. I REALLY DON'T WANNA LOOSE HIS FRIENDSHIP. PLEASE SEND ANY ADVISE I NEED IT. THANK YOU TO ANYONE WHO CARES I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

[SwingFox]

I care ... but you do have me stunned here. Not just because of what you are going through, but also because not very often you hear about a man and woman being best friends like this and even moving in together like you guys do.

 

First of all I advice you to find out wether you have REALLY fallen for this guy. You only say you THINK you did. After that it's necessary to find out what more you expect out of a relation with him, which you don't have now, that you are being best friends. Is it sex? Is it affection? Touch? Anything ... you name it!

 

The one and only question after that is, wether you find all this so important that you are willing to risk the friendship you share with him. Personally I don't think it's silly that you feel that way for him, because you seem to really care for each other as friends already. But the bottom line is that noone but YOU will know how he reacts to your words.

 

I hope this was of help. Good luck!

 

~ SwingFox ~

[anon_0275]

I hate to throw a strange monkey-wrench into this conversion, but allow the liberty for a moment. I'd like to ask you a blunt question: Have you considered the fact that he might be gay? I know, I know: I hate to judge a possible stereo-type over the computer about a person I most certainly will never get a chance to meet, yet I want to be honest and mention that your interaction is a classic straight female + gay male combo. Have you know him to have relationships with guys in the past (via your ex-bf you said? hmm) ? Females also ? ... Don't confuse me here; I could be way off base. He provides you a great security; and perhaps you for him as well. And I don't mean to imply it isn't possible for a straight female and a straight male to act this way; I'm confident it happens all the time. But normally a romantic overtone occurs first, then the type of relationship you have now evolves; usually not vice versa. Then again, maybe I'm totally wrong. I'm just offering the possibility to consider. If, however, he is compatible with you, I'm surprised you two don't have enough honesty to just blurt it out, just as you would blurt out half the things you two probably blurt out to each other (if I'm guessing correctly about your relationship). No harm in just asking him; if he is as good of a friend as what you imply, I doubt you have the chance of risking anything. You might even gain a deeper sense of friendship with him!

[SwingFox]

I am not sure about that posting of Anon ... *grins*. It could be, it couldn't be ... who knows. I think the issue here is, though how to approach the current situation and how to communicate feelings. To me it looks like a good idea to focus on that.

 

Though, I have to say: it's an interesting point of view.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[anon_0275]

LOL, Thanks for amusing me Swing! Again, it was just a thought. I mean really though: How many straight males do you know that call their best friend hun, yet never advance them sexually?

 

But anyhow: Like I said before, I suspect you both already have a great rapport together. I'm sure you could easily wiggle in a few comments or questions to him and see how he reacts. If he squirms a bit, back off. If he seems interested, plod carefully and listen carefully for his answers. Wouldn't it be funny if he was in the same boat trying to figure out how to ask you those questions? =)

[Jeffrey]

How many straight males do you know that call their best friend hun, yet never advance them sexually?

 

It could be that he is having the exact same dilemma about you! He may value your friendship so much he is afraid of damaging it by suggesting he's interested in being more than just friends. I know from experience! Its a delicate area to broach.

You might try setting up a romantic situation/environment and see how he responds. If he appears comfortable and willing either engage him in a not threatening conversation about it or make a VERY mild, safe first move (touching or holding his hand, etc.). Also is it possible to introduce the subject "lightly" or indirectly, such as saying something like "You know a friend asked me the other day why we don't have more of a romantic relationship, and I didn't have a good answer."

 

I had the same question about my realtionship with my friend, until one day when she referred to our relationship as "our little affair." That comment broke the ice and we talked about our feelings very openly after that. It was a relief.

 

Just my 2 cents....from someone whose been there. Best of luck to you. Keep us posted..we learn from each other.