She says "we fell in a rut"...Please Help

[MeeDee23]

thanks for your help everyone....

[Iceman26]

I think you should hang in there until the finals are over, send her/bring her some flowers and take her out to dinner and see how things go.

 

In the state she is in right now, you don't want to put any pressure on her. I know its tough, but my idea is the best one I can think of given your situation.

[kittysaysmeow]

Time apart is not necessarily a bad thing. If both of you realize that you want to make it work then your relationship will be better for it. If she realizes that she needs to be without you...isn't that for the best in the long run? You don't want to be with someone that doesn't want you.

 

If she wants to give it another try make sure you spice it up a bit. Go out. Have some fun. You're young!

 

Try to keep busy until finals are over. I know it's hard but give her some space. I'm sure she appreciates it.

[RayKay]

I think she was looking for some signal from you that this relationship was going somewhere. I don't necessarily thing you HAD to move in now, but I think telling her that you wanted to, but wanted to wait until after this year and gave her valid reasons and showed commitment to that.

 

After a couple years, a lot of times people do start to wonder where it is going, and if they feel maybe the other is not going to take it anywhere, start questioning things.

 

But, that being said it is also important you move in for the "right" reasons and that both of you are on the same wavelength. These should be more than financial reasons for the BOTH of you for example.

 

I am not so sure justifying NOT moving in on her being in law school is a great idea though. I am in law school too, live with my boyfriend and don't vent on him! Sure I need my study time, but we are both able to take care of ourselves and support one another without blaming each other for our stresses! Maybe if you feel she would, that is something triggering more about her personality? But the truth is, law school will NOT be the most stressful thing you go through in this relationship if you are in it for the long term, so I think maybe not wanting to be her supportive partner for that stress may also in her mind trigger some worries about future hardships too.....as it probably should for you too maybe?

 

Just for the record...moving in together does not make things "boring" unless you let it Long term relationships require mutual effort on both sides. If you are tired of always staying in, then tell her you are going out no ifs ands or buts on a date, make sure you have your own time apart as well, and just don't take one another for granted.

 

Anyway, she has asked for space, and there is not much else you can do but give that to her right now. Good luck.

[MeeDee23]

I agree with no direct contact. Although I still wish I could let her know that I care about her focusing and doing well on Finals. I have talked to a number of people and they said sending flowers right before finals might make her feel better. I just want to find some way to reach out to her without getting in her way....

[Momene]

I think you should think about the next stage after 2 1/2 years together. You should agree that while you're apart that you will meet after her finals to make a make or break decision on your future and agree whether or not you can date others during the break (I recommend NO).