Ex calls me and I am not sure about NC....So confused!!!

[bpure7]

soo I posted a email my ex sent me a couple of days ago...I was good with NC and then she called me three times the day she sent me the email. She left me messages on my phone about returning the gifts I got her for her bday. So I finally called her back-no answer. She called me back later that night and I told her I was clear with her intentions and I respected her. I also told her some of the email seemed like bs, like emotionally unstable and what not, because I was always there for ans she didnt say much, bedcause she knew I was right. I told her she was too young and needed time to grow as a person and I wish I was there for her and then I told her I wish she could of grown with me and she said she was while we were dating.

 

So she started crying on the phone and I held my composure as much as I could. Then she asked me if she I wanted to grab something to eat. I agreed and told her it was better to talk in person she also agreed. We ate and began to talk. I was relaxed and told her I could do no more. I love her and she made her decision. I told her she really hurt me and she agreed and said she was vunerable to the situation she was in and made me feel better by explaining answers to me. I told her no matter 5,10,15 yrs down the line I knew I was going to marry her and she didnt say anything cuz she I know she felt thew words I said.

 

She also told me that by us sitting and talking theres a good chance we could keep moving in a positive direction. I care about her and honestly I dont want to get out there and sleep with other girls. I need to relax physically and mentally, but waiting for her to figure out if she wants me blows...She told me she doesnt want a bf and I when I think about it I dont want a gf either right now, but like all ex's I have that slight glimmer of hope something could work.

 

I want to be her friend first of all and learn a lot more about her than I have in a year. Also she was talking to this other guy right when we broke up and when we were talking she was like I am not going to get into a relationship with him, but shes always at his apartment. Shes using his car all the time. She always drinking now and calls me this morning and after 2 missed calls I was torn whether to answer and she told me how she was so drunk she wet herself in her sleep. I couldnt believe it. That was not the girl I dated!

 

So I am trying to play the no contact as best as I can, but I figured a couple days ago just to ask her to go out for lunch and check out a museum exhibit 2morrow. She agreed. I dont want to talk about us period or about this kid, but it frustrates me shes always at his house and now is telling me we are moving in a positive direction??? why stay at his apartment with his roomates and who knows sleep in his bed if you told me youre not going to get into a relationship with him??

 

I love her and care about her, but I am at a lose with what I can do. Im thinking 2morrow could go great, because we wont be talking about us just enjoying each others company and then I am not going to call her until she calls me. I dont text or call her anymore. when I see her we just chat and then she calls me like hey how was your day, etc???? I am so confused with what I should I do and it sucks, because I feel like I should go into the grieving period and I keep falling in and out of this stage with her decisions. I want her back for shure, but what can I do at this point???? ](*,)

[-JC-]

I gotta keep this short, I was in the same position as you. Walk away. She is most likely going to use you as a security blanket. If she knows you will be waiting for her she is going to do whatever the hell she wants and you are her backup. I know you are going to do whatever you want and might not listen to anyone here because its hard to fight your love for her. But trust me, some complete stranger, that in the end, you need to move on. Dont keep yourself in her life, she needs that feeling in her heart, that you arent available. Dont play games, and dont let her play games.

 

You dont have to do NC, it all depends on your situation, but if you keep yourself available emotionally/physically you will really hurt more in the end like I did. You will get to a point to where you are so worn down from her games you wont take it anymore and walk away like I did. And you know what happened when I wasnt available anymore? She woke up. She needs to realize and FEEL that she lost you and if she really comes back then it could possibly work out. But hope can be dangerous, move on and focus on yourself, make YOU a better person because in the end the person who matters the most, the person you should love the most is yourself.

 

I learned the hard way, even though it sucked, I still learned. one quote I remember really explains alot "Fools learn from their mistakes, but the wise learn from the mistakes of others". But its all up to you to decide. Every situation is different, and not everyones advice is right or wrong. You can learn how to do things the right way and the wrong way, but you always learn.

 

One really strong piece of advice I want to give you, but please try to follow it

 

Trust your gut feeling. When you see her, talk or anything, and something tells you its not right. Step back and analyze things. I didnt listen to my gut when I knew something was wrong and I got hurt multiple times.

 

Keep your chin up bro, life is hard, be glad its not easy because if it was easy, we wouldnt be able to survive when things got hard.

[NJRon]

Two things quick...

 

1. Please break your posts into paragraphs... they are more likely to get a response.

2. You might think about keeping your saga in one thread so people can follow it.

 

Now that that's out of the way...

 

You can't promise someone that 5,10,15 years down the line you will marry them... you can't have an idea that it will happen... especially given the state of your relationship.

 

You seem to be in the denial stage of breaking up. I myself have said many of the same things. You just need to go day-by-day. Just because she doesn;t want a bf now.. doesn;t mean she won't want one tomorrow.

 

If you want to use NC to heal... then do so... you are not healing right now. You are just reopening your wounds. So, that is your choice, you can do so or not. Saying you will do NC, but then give her a call and see if she wants to go out in 2 days are mutually exclusive.

 

She sleeps with him.. not you. She may not call it a "relationship".. but, it is some sort of relationship... even if not boyfriend and girlfriend. She is just dragging you through her muck. That's not right.

 

You shoudl be grieving and moving on... not staying stuck in this limbo. It's not healthy for you. You can;t do anything to will her back... and pandering to her whims is not going to make you any more respectable in her eyes.

 

Do what is right for you.

[Ripples]

Listen to JC here.

 

I have been going through the exact same saga and believe me the only solution is to get the hell out of there. Do not be taken in by her words. Actions are what count now and even then, if you are dealing with a dissordered person you still cant be sure.

 

Be very, very careful on deciding what to do but take it from us, as it stands there is no future for you with this girl.

 

One question to JC. It sounds as though your GF came back once she knew you had moved on. Is that right? If so what happened then...