who pays?

[Bitter_Blasphemy]

well heres the story, short and simple. we were at the movies and we both wanted something to eat. so we go up to the concessions stand and when we get there he notes how hes run out of money, so i offer to pay for him. the guy behind the counter made a bunch of really weird comments like 'hey man, you gonna let your girl pay?' which made both of us really unconfortable.

 

weve been dating for almost 7 months now and when we go out hes usually the one who pays for both of us... or well both pay our own way. so when he asked me to pay for him i just automatically thought 'hey, this is a nice way to start paying him back a little bit' ... but am i wrong in this assumption? should i make him pay for everything or is it better to start paying for my own way and offer to pay for him too every once in a while?

[Aueft]

Haha, I would love it if my girlfriend payed for me once in a while. It doesn't matter what other people think. If you don't care about paying for him -once- out of tons of times when he has payed for you, then who cares?

[rionmccloud]

After a time I think it becomes a shared thing. I pay this time, maybe you pay next time. See what I'm saying? There are no rules to this.

[heythere1234]

only my opinion but you say he usually pays and you've been dating several months so i don't see a problem helping him out. the guy behind you didn't know your situation and in any case it was not his business.

 

related topic, my opinion, at first, i want him to pay (and happen to know most women feel exactly the same), then well see. I'll wager i spent way more money and time than he on my outfit, make up, hair, perfume, feminine products, and everthing else. Plus they told us at a work conference that women are still averaging 72 cents to men's dollar for same work nation wide. but that's not even the point, at first i want him to pay. if he wants to split the bill on the first or second date, fine i'll pay half, then i'll promptly forget about him. i don't want to play the role of the man in romance. and i don't want to date a woman

[Markers]

related topic, my opinion, at first, i want him to pay (and happen to know most women feel exactly the same), then well see. I'll wager i spent way more money and time than he on my outfit, make up, hair, perfume, feminine products, and everthing else. Plus they told us at a work conference that women are still averaging 72 cents to men's dollar for same work nation wide. but that's not even the point, at first i want him to pay. if he wants to split the bill on the first or second date, fine i'll pay half, then i'll promptly forget about him. i don't want to play the role of the man in romance. and i don't want to date a woman

 

lol, we're living 21st century here. Get real. Your date might not have a job if he's studying. If you have, you should split. That is if you even bother thinking of money with your date. I'm not worrying about money on my dates at least, if that's what you search from dates - free food - then whatever.

 

Which leads to my main point, if you like your date, are you gonna turn him down because he didn't pay all the expensive dishes you decided to shove down your throat? After all, he didn't force you to eat anything.. if the date went well, why expect your date to pay - you had equal amount of fun I assume, and thought of man having to pay for woman's food in order to date her again sounds too much like.. paying for company.

[heythere1234]

I think you should get real and stop living in your little fantasy land. not all of us are priveledged like you to be able to go to fancy restaurants on their first date. some of us settle for (gasp!!!) mcdonalds! yes i certainly do have a job and have worked very hard for many years young man. you must be some pig who thinks of nothing but shoving expensive food down your throat if thats what you automatically assume about other people. feel sorry for you, you should watch that.

 

further as i have stated most women do want men to pay for at least the first date if not the first few. going out for the first time with a man and paying half is called hanging out with a platonic bud. if you cant deal with that fact you will continue to find that women don't want to date you.

 

get your self a reality check.

[Markers]

hah, why wouldn't you treat yourself with a bag of ice to cool you down a bit

 

hah, "pig"?

 

 

to explain my point a bit further, I don't have a problem with paying, the thing that makes me cringe is the way some people automatically assume that everything will be free for them because "it's man's job to pay".

 

If we assume that "it's man's job to pay" we also assume that also other old-fashioned rules apply - meaning that woman's place is at home. I don't think you want that.

 

 

 

Oh, and when it comes to "shoving food down their throats", it was a figure of speech, I assumed that everyone would be civilized enough to understand that my post was a bit sarcastic and exaggerated and.. not exactly serious.

[RayKay]

Be careful to stay on topic & not flame others, no need to accost other members just because views are different then yours.

 

Every relationship is entirely different.

 

My first date with my current partner, we split the bill as it was such a great night (pool & beers) it came to way more than expected. And trust me, we are FAR from platonic..lol.

 

Since then we regularly treat each other, we also live together so split daily living expenses almost 50-50 (though he eats more, so we split food 60-40) - dinners out and dates we still take turns "treating" one another. Yes he makes a lot more than I, but he also has more debts than I too, it is not fair to assume just because he makes more, and he is male it is his responsibility. I was independent and living on my own BEFORE I met him, and I am not looking for a sugar daddy!

 

That being said, next year I plan on returning to school and won't be able to work due to the program, so he will be supporting me...but it is something we have discussed and he is encouraging me to do...every relationship is different.

 

I think it was crass of the cashier to make the comments he did honestly, why shouldn't you pay? How does he know that this was not a treat to him from you? Maybe it was a celebration for him or something even.