"I love you 95%"?

[hurtingrl]

I'll try to be short because my other ones are so long. My ex and I were dating for 3.5 years, I moved to the opposite coast for an 8 month project, had the opportunity to stay for another couple of years and he said go for it because he wasn't sure what he wanted to do/where he wanted to be in the country/possibly law school. Things were always great and even though we didn't do the long distance relationship he said he always wanted to be with me "in the end".

 

In June, he hooked up with someone else and even though now they aren't together anymore it made him re-evaluate his life completely and us. He said he still loved me and cared about me deeply but he was so confused with his life in general and didn't want me to "come along for the ride". We started NC and then he e-mailed me saying "I miss you so much, I wanted to let you know that I still care for you and us."

 

It has just been too hard for me, we talked the other night and I told him I know he's probably still confused but I can't just sit around and wait for him to figure things out. I asked him if he still loved me and he said "I love you 95%, I don't know what it is that doesn't make it 100% but that's not good enough for you" I asked him if it was 95% because we didn't see each other everyday anymore and he said maybe. And I think 100% means that he wouldn't move for me (I told him over the summer that I would move for him)

 

But.....He wants to see me so when I am going to a conference in October he said would drive 4 hours to meet up over that weekend (his birthday weekend) - he didn't want me to hang up that night and know he's lost me forever.

 

Probably a bad thing? I know that when we are together we have such a great time, it's never been bad in that respect. And even if he says yes I love you then I don't know what that means - so confusing

 

Advice? In the meantime I am trying to work on myself, go to the gym etc but I need a mental final point where I really stop thinking there's a chance......

[Fivek]

Hopefully he finds his balls and commits. Sounds like he's either stringing you along, or really cares about you. Stay strong, and keep deflecting him until he's talks straight! Date other guys too.

[Hope75]

So are you guys split up then?

 

It doesn't sound like he's ready to make a commitment to you at this time, and although he's saying he misses you, he is also saying go on with your life and he isn't sure were he's taking his and doesn't want to drag you along.

 

I think you should take his advice and get out there and date a little, see what's out there. It's not fair for you to wait around for someone who is confused and doesn't know if they love you or not,

[hurtingrl]

Thanks for the replies. Yes we are not together right now and I guess even if he decides that he loves me we still may not be if he doesn't want to do an LDR.

 

On a good note, I went out with another guy last night and we had a great time. We really clicked, which surprised me because I was going in with low expectations (I never really "went on dates" in college and this was one of the first) and he wants to see me again! It was pretty amazing, no lulls in conversation, joking around, met up with his friends later and then kissed at the end of the night. But I am not going to rush into anything, the last thing I want to do is hurt the new guy. Another reason why closure would be so good for the entire situation

 

Thanks again for your help.

[hurtingrl]

but I still don't get the 95% thing, I don't know if that is his way of saying he's not sure if he loves me at all......I think he still does at least to some degree

[Hope75]

He may have feelings for you but does not know if he can identify them as romantic love.

 

Either way, I'm glad you went out and had a good time with someone new and are working towards making yourself happy and not waiting around for him.

 

Best of luck!