Naturally Patient ?

[IDEAWHAT]

Naturally Patient?

 

Are women naturally patient in perusing the right guy for relationships?

 

I'm not into rushing things of any kind (unless need be but it seems to me most guys cant hold it in as well as women… the 95% thinking of them all day syndrome… you know?

 

Is it common for women to act cool and focused? Or are they just as bad… sitting there in secrete doing something similar..."wish he would call... wish he would call… (So she can play her mind game and test us out?)

 

Or am I just hanging around shy women?

[Msnak]

Me, I'm naturally patient, and optimistic, and kind of bold. I guess I keep hearing people say "go after what you want." And I usually get what I want, but it's always complicated and after a lot of work and prayer.

 

I am one of those women that acts cool but deep down, I'm second-guessing, experiencing a bit of self-doubt. And yes, right now even, I'm wishing the special guppy/guy in my life would call. He's amazing, and that's why I won't stop giving up...though I'm getting tired.

[DropToZero]

I'm patient...I rarely call...depends on how well you have the woman hooked really... I mean hooked by saying, how hard she's fallen for you. I can go a week or more w/o calling, and most girls don't like that...but I don't really pursue. The last couple of girls I have been out with were VERY impatient and were always complaining in some form or another that I didn't talk with them enough on the phone, or IM...whatever. I have my own life...so I don't let someone else seem to dominate it, I just let them become part of it.

 

Anyways, it just depends on the person, but based on my recent experiences...I've always seemed to be the one more in control of myself when it came to the relationship.

[OceanEyes]

When I was younger, I was much more apprehensive about guys and relationships in general, so I'd say "no", I wasn't patient.

 

Now that I'm a bit older and have been there/ done that sort of thing, I rarely stress about the small things like phone call frequency. When you're comfortable in a relationship, things like that just don't bother you anymore.

[IDEAWHAT]

Very interesting points of views... hope a few more get posted up..

 

If your a strong self confident guy with lots of experience... you seem to be chased and have women be part of your life not a dominating factor you chase. Good attitude.

 

And from the first post I see, that women can indeed be be patient but are infact human, only to cover up there real feelings for the better good.

 

Quote -

When I was younger, I was much more apprehensive about guys and relationships in general, so I'd say "no", I wasn't patient.

 

It seems the younger you are... the more frequent you are about becoming "hooked" on someone 24/7.

 

Wonder what it feels like to have mature feelings for someone?

 

Cheers guys.

 

KEEP POSTING ! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU WOMEN THINK

[IDEAWHAT]

He's amazing, and that's why I won't stop giving up...though I'm getting tired.

 

Umm sif give up! Dont get tired! Get motivated! - Great commercial material !

Anything worth having is not worth itself in ease. GL

[Msnak]

Goodness, I was just typing in my "Microsoft Word Journal," ready to call it a night and I saw these responses.

 

Yes, in the past fifteen minutes I've written off the guy I think is so amazing. (This is the fourth time or so!) But though we both try, there's something that hangs over our heads like a cloud. I don't know what it is, but I'm tired of fighting it. I want that cloud to rain down on me, I want to concede defeat...but like a sickness, I can't!

 

I think I'll send him an email, it seems to have more effect that phone calls when I can't seem to get the words to come out right! (It's been 3 months since I first got to know him.)

 

I just saw him unexpectedly the other day, and it felt right. I hate the uncertainty in a relationship. I wish everyone who was first dating/meeting had to sit in front of a judge and a therapist and tell the truth about intentions, feelings and expectations!!

 

If this is love...I can't stand it!

[IDEAWHAT]

I hate the uncertainty in a relationships - Quote

 

I think we all do

 

Interesting how those who seem to care for their desired love, give up their own value to be with them. When you show feelings, it is like permission for the game to begin. You either put them off... or they enjoy the attention in the pursuit

 

When you feel "love?" for someone, in most cases it isn't returned in the same manner. And if it is.. then a relationship would most likely exist..

 

I laugh at the judging panel you suggested! It is this telling of truths that causes one or the other to run and hide...

 

Oh I miss the days when you could express the raw feelings only to grow into a mature deeper bond.. LOL who am I kidding!?

 

The Game... learn it and he is yours

 

I can only think of 2 things here...

 

He is taking it slow, learning your way of thought.... GOOD

or

He is enjoying the attention leading you on BAD

 

Good night

I can only imagine your feeling and think him as you sleep! Ahh the pain.. if its a good hurt... damn girl I am feeling for ya

[Msnak]

Minor update...I was so ready to kick my guy to the curb just because of the uncertainty, but then he does what he usually does...either leads me on or gives me hope. Not sure which. But I did something nice for him that's making him see me in a different light. So...who knows?

 

I've come to one realization, as long as I'm with him, I will linger in uncertainty a bit longer. Until we break up or decide on a commitment. In the meantime, I will play along and stay where I am. Midway between happiness and misery.

[Msnak]

Hmm, back to your original issue of shy women...it's almost as if society tightly holds onto the whole "men do the pursuing" idea. Sure, there are women that go after guys, and sometimes those relationships go "the distance."

 

But there are two things I keep hearing/reading in this forum and in books:

1. men get scared off easily by confessions and too much feeling right away

2. men get bored if a woman is too easily available

 

So...the dilemma is, how does a women show she cares without looking desperate or clingy or crazy?

 

This makes guys have to do all the work! It also means in some ways they're in charge of the relationship and one misinterpreted move can ruin everything.

 

I'm good at being aloof and good at "hinting" but if a guy is clueless, doesn't care or shy, that's when the relationship dies or gets stuck.

 

I'm in neutral right now with one guy, and just when he says or I say that we should go forward, both of us are inactive. We're shooting each other in the foot so neither of us can go forward or walk away.

 

I've prayed relentlessly about this, and each time I seem to get the answer that I shouldn't give up yet.

 

Even now I'm listening to an Eagles song called "I Can't Tell You Why" and the lyrics include: "every time I try to walk away/something makes me turn around and stay" ... That's my life!

[IDEAWHAT]

every time I try to walk away/something makes me turn around and stay

 

- MAD SONG BY : ERIC PRYDZ - version

If you like house music

 

Anyway - That was enlightening information you allowed me to consume.

Cheers.

 

Even as a female with a sensitive understanding for reading men, you are still stuck.. well most men are quite blunt... make an obvious move but can still become a common action if you want to hold on to your integrity. Once you know someone likes you, the relationship from friends changes into a distant knowing of that person or a GF BF situation. I think I understand where you are sitting. Keep us posted.. I am actually in a very simular situation myself. I think my situation is inexperience... never really went out with women before on the chase game..

 

Let us (me) know how things go, I would love to hear your thoughts on your situation as it unfolds

 

Talk soon - Just got bak from my holiday too All fired up with knowledge! WHATCH OUT

[Msnak]

You tell me your situation, I think mine is over now. Though, there's been a pattern where me and the guy I like will go 10 days with no contact and then we're in touch days in a row.

 

Maybe I should try that now, it's been 7 days and just say, "Hey, I'm walking out the door know, if you care, let me know, otherwise bye for good! This is not a revolving door anymore!"

 

It's funny, I know places where he hangs out and I thought about getting all gorgeous/dressed up and magically appearing there...but I'm not a leprechaun! I won't subject myself to that. I'm too valuable and if he can't see it, won't see, that's his loss.

 

Though I feel like it's my loss too!

 

Urggggh! This board lets me be 100% honest about the uncertainty and vulnerable feelings I have. Thank God for it.

 

I can also say I haven't dated extensively; I don't think we need to date everyone that asks, and if you met the losers who are typically attracted to me, you'd also say "no thanks!"

 

By the way, my brother keeps me in tune with house music, I'll have to ask him if he's heard that. Thanks!

 

Btw 2 -- Hope you had a good holiday!

[IDEAWHAT]

Damn. Love you genuine honesty

 

 

10 days with no contact and then we're in touch days in a row.

- quote

 

Sounds like mind games to me. Without proper analysis I can't say if he likes you or if he is just a person that is "really" friendly. I know a few guys like this. But I would still put my money on "he is interested" but doesn't show a leading role in the perusing game. Find out his past and see if he gets what he wants or is a bit slow in obtaining his woman.

 

 

 

I won't subject myself to that. I'm too valuable and if he can't see it, won't see, that's his loss

Though I feel like it's my loss too

- Quote

 

You see as humans we want to be of high value but still subject ourselves to lowering it when the time is necessary to make us happy in the long term. I don't think there is any rules on this.. (who makes them GOD?) but.. We are all worth something in society and we all know what we are worth within our hearts. I still think it is ok to go to extremes to obtain things.. i.e.: You will put on a hot bra and nice dress to be teachers pet and get extra marks RESULT – Gain Marks, loose integrity within class among school buddies.

 

Whatever it takes as long as you don't sacrifice what is important to you.

 

Who is to say what is the right approach or wrong approach? You will know.

 

Maybe my 2cents worth can help you resolve some issues brewing in your mind. I hate uncertainty.

 

 

______________________________

 

MY SITUATION ---------- Long story short

 

I am 22. Dated 1 other women 3 months @ 19 YOA. After that.. I hated women. I knew there were good ones, but never dated them as I had the wrong mind set. 3 Years past, learnt a great deal and thought I would look for a women to develop a relationship with instead of sexual relations. I was not interested in dating or hanging around women, just use each other and good bye. Last couple months I felt empty, needing to fill the area in my life. I never saw the potential in dating women, however I have learnt a new area of self exploration leading to an interest in developing something special between another person.

 

Funny how I changed my thinking and found someone who seemed interested in me appeared. Known her for 4 odd weeks. Chat on the phone 1ce a week. Had a close dance encounter (not to obvious close), shared conversations and interact with each other in a way I feel is signaling a liking for each other.

 

Now never really dating women I would not understand how they are thinking. To me I would spend more time with that individual and less games. I know she isn't a flirt or a s*x freak, but she has dated 3 or 4 other guys.. and obviously had practice in the game. I just feel every time I push for indicating "I like you" I get the chase me more approach. When I say... "stuff this chase game" she seems to come back. I was told relationships should not work like this. I disagree from what I have seen and experienced. You made a good point about women not seeming to easy as men get bored, (Not that I am like that) or think they are not worth it...

 

I am confused.

 

I asked her to call me next week for coffee if she is in the area. I will take it if she does not call.. it is a no go. If so I suppose it is on? LOL

 

And i suffer from the same "thing" you do.

Spending way to much time thinking about this person! I cant even work!

 

Damn this feeling. Must be for young people only?

 

 

 

Cheers

[Msnak]

Let me start by saying, you're good! You've got a strong understanding of relationships to be so young. Your teacher analogy made me chuckle. And when you said you had three years to learn about things, that's really cool. It means you matured and observed and discovered things about yourself and women.

 

Sometimes the sucky thing about not having a ton of dating exp. is that you feel inept in every situation. For example you miss out on this mental exercise, "Gee, this has happened to me four times now, so I know it means I should do this, or think that."

 

If she calls next week, cool. If she doesn't, I would seriously consider calling her. Not to be a nuisance, but just to "see how she's doing" and to say hello. People seem to appreciate that. Just keep it brief and maybe hint that you are still interested in seeing her again.

 

Because, as you've heard, women like to be chased sometimes. Poor, poor guys! We women make guys work!

 

About what you said on my "relationship", you're right, I should find out his dating past and pace. However, I'm at the point in my head where I'm thinking, "I'm shutting the door, but leaving it unlocked in case he wants to come in."

 

Just as soon as I think I don't want to ever hear from him again, my heart rebels and say, "Stop lying to yourself and take one more last chance."

 

He seems fine not staying in touch that much and that's not OK with me, which is why we play the who's gonna call who next...game. Or end it. I think it's over.

 

Silly, I know, but it seems people don't outgrow this game. And honestly, in my early 20s, I never played this. It's just a game as I've grown older. I HATE IT!

 

Btw, I'll mention the email address to my brother, thanks!

[IDEAWHAT]

Wow thanks for the great reply - Made me feel a hole lot positive in confirming my beliefs. Cheers

 

If she calls next week, cool. If she doesn't, I would seriously consider calling her.

- Quote

 

Keep it short - nice advice - Soon as I seem willing to enjoy her company more she pulls away like... "eh this is to easy.. your not fit for me"

This is the game you talk about. It is necessary to obtain the right guy.. so I accept it.

 

Because, as you've heard, women like to be chased sometimes. Poor, poor guys! We women make guys work!

- Quote

 

Women with confidence and city chicks - damn do they ever !

I guess you women get to choose even with a ratio of 4 females to 1 man..

 

About what you said on my "relationship", you're right, I should find out his dating past and pace.

- Quote

 

I found out the dating past and habits of my interest...

She likes to know the guy first... but was told she can turn off and be in the corner kissing some guy at random... I am concerned... but if she is like this.. well CYA YA LATA - But then again it might be part of the game (That's a great twist I just found out, makes things interesting). We aren't dating officially.. but always find excuses to see each other if possible without looking to obvious (Any advice here? welcome) Technically that's dating Getting to know each other.

 

Do you make time to meet this guy on a one on one basis?

What is his past like? Did you find out?

 

Just as soon as I think I don't want to ever hear from him again, my heart rebels and say, "Stop lying to yourself and take one more last chance."

- Quote

 

Your going to go crazy! I got an idea. Ignore him for 2 full weeks. Then make a huge move. This will indicate your not easy or insecure but you do have interest. Check this with someone b4 you try it. Hopefully is will work. Give him a wake up call! SHOW HIM WHAT HE IS MISSING!

 

Silly, I know, but it seems people don't outgrow this game.

-Quote

 

Should not even be called a game. It should be the way it is. If you remove the game.. there is no tool for discovering who has value and who is wasted time. I believe the game is there for general picking up and for relationship creating.

 

May the Funk be with you - HOUSE IT UP !

 

Thanks for your great advice. All is welcome

[Msnak]

About the advice, you're welcome! I'm glad you can strategize and vent. We all need an outlet for it. Sometimes our closest friends get tired of hearing us, or they belittle us w/o realizing it, so it's like you look another place to think/talk things over.

 

Anyway…I'm to the point where if you think someone's a good catch, even if its weeks later, you MUST ignore society's rules and go with what feels right for you. If pursuing for a bit works, go for it. If walking away works, try that.

 

I think it's the waiting period that stinks the most.

 

My relationship with this guy has resulted in me writing several poems about relationships, mostly negative. So even if we never become anything, he's gotten me out of my writer's block!

 

Very interesting what you wrote about the "dating past and habits of my interest" and how you said your chica likes to randomly make out with guys. You deserve better; let's hope she doesn't make that a habit. Maybe that was just something she said to puff out her chest a bit and warn you that she's eye candy or capable of attracting others in case you two don't work out. Bravado, if you will.

 

Hmm. You requested advice on seeing her w/o looking too obvious. Did you mean dating ideas? Or just new ways to ask her out? Let me know!

 

Anyway again…I love what you wrote about the ratio of "4 females to 1 man.." that cracked me up. I just read in today's paper some Associated Press article about being single and how TV makes it not seem so bad and part of that is because of "Seinfeld" and "Sex and the City." And it talked about how there are so many more single females.

 

I'm going to step out on a limb and risk falling flat by saying this: Men have their pick, and some women—so desperate for a relationship, or having seen bad examples of relationships—will let a guy get away with entirely too much. Naturally, guys don't sit and discuss relationships with each other the way women do. So this may not be obvious to most guys.

 

Ok, enough rambling about things over my head! LOL!

 

No, I haven't yet found out about the past relationships of the guy I'm seeing. Here's my dilemma…I'm supposed to not contact him! That was my goal as of a few days ago. However, sitting in church today, my heart softened and I started wondering if God was trying to tell me something.

 

I've resorted to calling the guy "jerk" in my head and trying to highlight his flaws to make me get over him. Point blank, he has just 3 (busy, seems uncertain about where he is in life, seems shy). But together, they cause me much confusion!

 

Yes, you're right, I'm going to go nuts, I'm halfway there! I've ignored him for seven days as of today. I can't tell my friends that I'm getting weak, they think I'm making a mistake in the first place! But the majority of them are also the same women who are in troubled relationships.

 

I just want him in my life! And I feel like I've let him know but I need a Looney Tunes anvil to hit him over the head just to make sure he really gets the message.

 

And last, I will have to think more about your quote: "If you remove the game.. there is no tool for discovering who has value and who is wasted time. I believe the game is there for general picking up and for relationship creating."

 

WOW!

[IDEAWHAT]

Intelligent and humorous! Maybe we should get together

Just jokes! But seriously how about it? HAHAH just joking again... I think I remembered a movie where that line was used... pretty sure it was a Jim Carey movie.

 

Let me start of by saying, your quote

 

"I think it's the waiting period that stinks the most."

 

This period destroys you. I don't know how others handle it? I loose my mind. My work, business, life, hobbies... all holt because of it. I bet the other half is oblivious to the fact. I wonder if they ever do what we do?

I doubt they go crazy. I still have the feeling they remain calm and cool.

Problem is... psychologically I and maybe you are looking at it wrong. We should have the attitude.... WE ARE THE CATCH. We are what they want.. and if they can not see the value in us... well maybe they shouldn't be apart of our lives.

 

I starting to think.. (I over analyze everything and should just relax a bit) that maybe I am too good for this bs. If only the other half wasn't everything I try and look for in a women, I would not be as affected.

 

Imagine what you desire in a man was all reality. There in front of you.. how would you take it? You would chase it down.. think of strategies to obtain it... do what you think is necessary to obtain that human!

 

BUT THEN...

 

Balance is needed.. calm.. cool head.. new attitude.. because if we make them understand we WANT or NEED them... it is all over..

 

It is natural to reject what you can get... and horde what you cant get enough of!

 

It is this game of balance that hurts me. It is a good hurt... but I hate it. The only cure is communicating with that person face to face. THE ONLY WAY to put out the pain. Then they leave... only to increase the hurt of not knowing again where we stand? The pain intensifies and regains its power to only stuff you up for another week until the next meet.

 

Some people get together in 3 days... some in 3 months, some in 3 years...

 

Do we lead ourselves to believe that we are developing a relationship (which indeed could be true or false)... or delude our minds with excuses and modified stories to fit the cause that they are not just friends?

 

Emotion clouds our judgment.

 

 

WOW I feel better now... LOL - poems or waffle Whatever goes baby !

 

 

randomly make out with guys. You deserve better

QUOTE -

 

You see, If I am interested in someone I don't have 3 women on the side... I am kind to them.. but wont engage with them any more then friends..

I have the feeling.. (unconfirmed as it is all talk for now) that she feels that she can do what she likes until we IE: Kiss, BF and GF status, etc etc..

 

Now if she does the side action while I pursue her.. This would be a Good and Bad thing.

BAD

I will be hurt.. not that we couldn't be.. But at the fact I AM SO STUPID for even bothering and taking a risk with someone who is so volatile... (only to add to my diminished self confidence levels)

It is her volatility that attracts me to her. It is her ways that make me interested.

GOOD

I can get on to find someone who is worth it. Who is worth investing time in. Working for a common goal.

 

I hope my waffle can assist you?

 

 

I have a question.

What do women generally want from a man in conversation?

How can I make her emotionally excited?

 

 

 

Moving on -

 

Your "sex in the city" and women - issues you discussed..

TV is the most single contributor to how we select our partners... in my opinion.

I HATE TV. I really hate MTV! It is so bad... it trains young people how to think.. we are doomed..

my interest is fashion related and works with image people... you recon this would make it harder to keep her interested? Interesting answer I am sure. Rhetorical I am certain!

 

 

I'm going to step out on a limb and risk falling flat by saying this

-QUOTE

 

DAMN WOMEN ! Right on ! You know you stuff. All men are built this way.. it is the intellect they posses that allows them to modify their behavior to suit society and women. Choose well

 

sitting in church today

- QUOTE

 

Praying for answers.

I feel for you so bad. I want to help but I don't know what to do. Just keep posting. Makes you feel better!

Let me know when your at the point of BLUNTLY asking him WTF is going on!?

 

highlight his flaws

- QUOTE

 

No one is perfect. Good luck trying to use faults to get rid of him. You need to see him engage in other women to be hurt enough to forget him. I have done that b4 with other women. I make sure I sit in the pain of seeing other guys ravage them. Hurts.. but I get on with my life. Honest strategy I am giving you. I am a sad case to many! ha-ha laff.

 

 

THE GAME - Only $9.95 ex Postage and Handling. Order now and get a free "How to get him in bed booklet" and if you pay by credit card you will receive a free t-shirt, printed "I AM OVER YOU". ORDER TODAY!

 

Talk to you soon MSNAK Ask me anything.. I am a guy.. Maybe I can help Maybe

[IDEAWHAT]

BTW - I just came accross this powerful quote. See if it relevant to you. Do you believe it?

 

The Quote is - "

 

At the end of the day if he is into you He will make it easy to communicate mutual attraction... Anything else is simply that: He is not interested. "

 

I will go by that. Simple, easy and no mucking around. If she is in she is in.

 

If your man is in... he is in.

 

When I read that... thought of you straight away!

 

Nite!

[Msnak]

You rock! I adore your responses!

 

OK, here's my 2 cents for you:

 

I love the quote you sent me, and it's true. That's what I keep telling myself in my head as to why I won't contact him right now. He has to contact me because that's what any logical guy would do to show he cared, especially when he said he'd call. And he always does. He always apologizes and explains profusely but I'm sick of it!

 

I'm almost to the point where he'd have to get down on his knees and pull some Backstreet Boy crap to get me back.

 

Maybe we should get together, at least we know we wouldn't do confusing & hurtful stuff while getting to know each other! J LOL!

 

I really don't think that the other party knows the damage they inflict during the waiting period. And the waiting period feels different for each party. Sometimes you're really too busy to call and sometimes you're just thinking things over. Either way, time is passing and silence speaks volumes. It also gives birth to voices in your head that either give you hope or doubts.

 

Trust me, I recognize that I'm a good catch. I think many of us are. Especially if we can see our own issues and flaws and are trying to work on them. Because we're all flawed.

 

When you said you "over analyze everything and should just relax a bit" – that's amazing because you're recognizing perhaps, a flaw? It's a HUGE flaw for me. That and finding things to complain about. (Which is why I love this board!)

 

And when you said you overanalyze and stick around because "if only the other half wasn't everything I try and look for in a women, I would not be as affected" …. WOW….

 

That's how I feel. You said it exactly when you wrote: "Imagine what you desire in a man was all reality. There in front of you.."

 

This man fits every category of what I look for...he's a walking-talking wish list of mine! I just hate that both of us are so confused.

 

Still, I've strategized but I'm so tired now. I'm seeking that balance you mentioned. I've even adopted some theme songs for when I feel weak and nearly call him. Sarah McLachlan's "Stupid" and Cake's "You're Never There."

 

If you like, check out the lyrics if you're unfamiliar with the message, but each song sums up how I feel. I can explain everything to him if I saw him face-to-face, I know it. But I'm doubting that will happen now. And it's OK, I won't regret it, because I feel I've done all I can do. I just hope I'm not being lazy or pessimistic.

 

I love what you said when you wrote: "Some people get together in 3 days... some in 3 months, some in 3 years..."

 

You're right. Life brings people back sometimes. I know I've had second and third chances before.

 

You're so smart and in touch with feelings, when you click with that right person you'll be the answer to their dream in the sense that every woman wants a guy who isn't feelings-stupid.

 

 

Technically, until there's a commitment on both parts, either of you could go date/kiss other people. But that is so cheap. Because each person deserves to be "evaluated" on their own with no clouded judgment or competition. So I like the way you are on this. I've thought about moving on with another guy, whom I met one night at a 311 concert, but he's NOT MY GUY! He's the anti-my guy! He's sweet, but even he knows my heart is elsewhere, thus that's a relationship that'll never begin I guess.

 

 

Lastly, to paraphrase your words, "we're all STUPID for even bothering and taking a risk with someone" volatile or not—that's what letting someone into our lives is all about.

 

Women love to shop and fashion is a great thing to interest most women.

 

P.S. I hate MTV too. It gives you cheap ideas on how to conduct relationships. And when so many families are in shambles or have no parents to care enough to discuss how to treat the opposite sex, people cling to TV for examples and guidance. Sad.

[IDEAWHAT]

Oh how I crave intellect at ant level. You certainly put yourself amongst the high few, in this topic anyway. A very self aware person you portray. I would defiantly regard you as Gold in the contact hierarchy I possess. Let me start of by saying…

 

Have you got any real signs from this fellow? Decent hardcore stuff you can give me?

 

Can explain to me who this person is mentally? Characteristics in the way he is?

 

 

I am lead to believe through analysis of the previous posts, you are a logical thinker. Creative thinking is used; however I believe you are an internal person? You keep to yourself and concentrate on issues relating to ones schooling or career? You seem to have great emotional tides within you helping your goals to become reality.

 

I am trying t paint a picture to help you. Very hard when there is 40,000km between us 

 

 

You mentioned and I quote:

QUOTE -

He always apologizes and explains profusely but I'm sick of it!

 

Always? A man who apologizes for his actions once should be enough. If he continues the same mistake over and over again.. and apologizes over and over again… in my opinion is not a good thing. I am the last person who wants to hurt you with this simple truth. A man who continues to make the same (even insignificant mistakes) mistake over and over again in the majority of cases, (to anyone) is not seeing your worth, not making time or the effort.

 

Look, I has written posts before.. and I have had bad advice given to me. REAL BAD advice. Mainly because they are not here, in this spot, in this time. They don't know what I feel, what I have witnessed or acted upon? I am most likely explained the story poorly to. So if I give advice on the material you have outlined… it is only because… it is so easy for me to make an analysis and judgment from my comfortable bedroom, drinking my warm coffee. The information is given in a simplistic form, and a logical answer is given in return with no emotional attachments. This is your cursed and praised gift on the internet. "Advice without emotional attachment."

 

He is either –

 

Really bad with women. An internal logical human, not understand the basic rules of women's behavior. If so… chase him… you know what to do... he is most likely a NICE GUY, and at your age… you women appreciate nice guys a whole lot more! He is possibly the best catch!

 

Not interested – In the end.. if he really wants you… he will chase you even though it may appears clumsy and uncoordinated. Just help him out if he is of this nature. (You know the drill)

 

Interested – Playing you like a Banjo! (I have come to the conclusion this is a slim slim slim possibility from the posted information)

 

 

Quote-

It's a HUGE flaw for me. That and finding things to complain about. (Which is why I love this board!)

 

Are females natural analyzers or do they… ?

 

 

------------------------------------

 

Apparently I am going for coffee with my interest, this week. Why I say apparently?

 

I said (PHONE) "Next week if your not doing anything, give us a call and we shall have coffee in the city… if not I'll catch you on the week end"

 

Her reply "Ok, Ill see you then"

 

I said "Cya later"

 

She said "Bye"

 

 

OK – So simple for other to read that. Give me an answer on this..

Why is it I find I so hard to understand if this is a good thing or bad thing. I am so emotionally involved and blinded from common sense… I cant even tell what that means…

 

Sure it means what it says…

 

If it was any lady… "eh"

 

But because it is THE LADY - OMG I can't see the truth!?!?! DAMN US WEAK HUMANS.

 

And I will most likely sit here like an idiot… thinking about her call in the week... if it will come?

If it won't come… maybe she wants me to ring hoping I will first?

 

Maybe she changed her mind and is moving on... leaving me in the dark?

 

But then. I came to a new understanding. I am 100% sure there is many replicas of what I want in a women out there. Why is all my hope pinned on one lady. This is sad? (Debatable in the highest of extremes) It is this attitude of pinning your emotions on one person.. that ruins your chances with them. Insecurities or what!?!??!

Sure I will keep on the trail for now… but I too will get tired as you have.. it is draining..

I only continue with her weekly contact, as if it was a refill at the weeks end.. to get me through another week running on empty.

 

Ok reassess the situation and make a clear decision on your plans with this human. I know I have. Done wonders.

[Msnak]

I didn't forget!

 

Now, to answer your questions:

1. What do women generally want from a man in conversation?

2. How can I make her emotionally excited?

 

I didn't answer this right away because I wanted to think about it (and finish my errands, laundry, etc.!). I came up with the following:

 

1. We want subjects that we relate to. More than five minutes of your time. Questions directed at us. Ask simple stuff: How was your day? No bad language. No dirty jokes. Some talk about feelings, but not too much and nothing too heavy. We want updates, feedback and insight. Honesty. Be a little revealing without making us your therapist. Show some vulnerability without being a baby. Repeat things to show you've listened. Pay attention and don't interrupt. Don't disagree too much. Don't dwell on one thing too long.

--This should fit most women. (Sorry, I'm a communications major!)

 

2. Emotionally excited…consider putting away the macho mask and just being yourself. Don't hide anything but don't ramp it up either. Compliment a woman and ask about how she feels about things. This is tough, I guess I need more of an explanation of exactly what you mean?

 

Well, I wouldn't count her out until you have coffee and see what she says, read her body language, ask her point blank if she's interested in you – but temper it by saying, "be honest, I won't be offended, just say it."

 

I hope she calls you first during the week. A week is long. Can you email her just to say "Hope you're having a good day" ??

 

I understand you want more revealing info from her, but maybe she can't deliver yet. Maybe she doesn't know how. And because she is "THE LADY" – as you say – be patient and give it your all. That way you won't have regrets and you can always say you tried. Then, should you have to move on to someone else, you'll know you exhausted that relationship and then hopefully your heart and head will be able to rebound, grow and be ever stronger.

 

Now…your situation is sounding a bit like mine in that you said:

 

"I only continue with her weekly contact, as if it was a refill at the weeks end.. to get me through another week running on empty."

 

I've gotten to that point just recently after the three months of knowing him. We balance it out with a phone call and an email or two during the week. It's contact but it's not enough for me!

 

Thanks for all the compliments and the advice. I will write more, I'm still "digesting" some of what you wrote. Love it, keep it coming!!!

[Msnak]

Now, to answer your questions about my situation:

 

You asked:

Have you got any real signs from this fellow? Decent hardcore stuff you can give me?

- signs that it's over (decreasing contact)

- signs there's a chance (apologies, an opportunity to see what keeps him busy {visiting his soccer teammates}, he does most of the talking and talks about personal things, requests for dates, request to travel to the West Coast U.S. together)

 

Characteristics in the way he is?

- Things I adore about him: Never-married; Close to his family; Friendly; Smart; Understanding; Funny; Christian; Athletic; Hard worker; Gentleman; Good listener; Patient.

 

- Stuff that worries me: his busy schedule (time spent with friends, work & soccer); Somewhat passive/shy; Like me he hates telephones; Uncertain about his life & career goals; Seems shy talking about relationships.

 

My conclusion is that he may be confused about our relationship and not sure how to tell me. But he seems to always reach out, as do I. So, this is why I feel crazy!!!! I will not be soccer widow!

 

You're right, I do keep to myself. I don't let a lot of people in, because I see how others get burned and I am a career chick and nerd.

 

You're so right when you said: "A man who apologizes for his actions once should be enough. If he continues the same mistake over and over again.. and apologizes over and over again… in my opinion is not a good thing."

 

The apologies are what have made me walk away this time. As I've experienced it with my friends, one said she would've given up months ago, and the others all say I should not give up.

 

I'm kind of thinking that the guy I like is either (A) not interested and being friendly or (B) confused, shy and bad with women. He's an engineer, not that that's an excuse! LOL!

 

Boy, you're clever. I admire the statement you made: "Advice without emotional attachment." I appreciate the advice, thank you!

[IDEAWHAT]

I am going to reply with soul. I need time to take most of this info in

Your hardcore! Quickest reply yet!

 

Give me 12hrs - You should get a detailed post when your sleeping

 

Its 11:30am here -

Business calls!

 

Talk soon Msnak

[Msnak]

Ah, now you're just spoiling me! I've had today as a holiday off from work, allowing me to send more emails than normal. Have a good day!

[IDEAWHAT]

HOW BOUT I WRITE SOMETHING NOW

Actually...

 

 

How bout we email each other? This board might get cut

 

Got a contact?