my goodness

[parakeet]

greetings all, i have a problem. Ok, i just turned 18 on the 1st of this month. my boyfriend lives in california, and he's 23. we've been together in our ldr for 3 years. we saw each other in person 2, yes, 2 years ago (mainly because of the age law and the best way to avoid trouble is to not be with each other in person) Well anyways, we have been planning on him coming over to see me here in Texas, well, my parents refuse to let me see him. i'm 18 for crying out loud, i dont know what to do. we just have to see each other, and he was planning on getting us a hotel to stay at for the week and a half he was coming over, (like a mini version of us living together) and we were gonna go to the movies together, and do all the stuff that boyfriends and girlfriends do. i dont know what to do, i'm so mad right now. they CAN'T tell me i can't see my boyfriend. what can i do? i'm so lost

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I would also forbid it, were I your parents. To me, and probably to them, it sounds like a good way for their daughter to get 'in trouble'.

 

Let's see, what can you do? Are they ok with you being sexually active at this time? Have they met your boyfriend, would a parent see him as a good prospect for their daughter? Look at it the way you think your parents do...ie, is this good for my daughter's future? Will she get pregnant? Is she too young for a serious relationship? Will this guy sabotage her future? and then you will come up with some ideas. How can you show them that this will be good for you and will not get you 'in trouble' in any way, shape, or form?

[saint_saul]

I kind of understand where phreckles is coming from, there is a lot that they could be worried about. But still, it seems like you have at least made an effort to avoid legal problems earlier, so it shouldn't be any different now (with getting in trouble). If I were you, I would talk to your parents about and try to sort everything out. Don't get TOO upset/sad/emotional, because that will only defer the logic behind your defense. Tell them that you are 18 and would like to be able to do things with him since he is your boyfriend. I think maybe the hotel idea is too soon for both of you, but that's purely opinion. It might be easier on your parents if you just have him come over, get them to meet, and then take it slow from there (like movies and stuff). I can understand how if you were to just be like "okay we're going to a hotel by ourselves for a week and some change, goodbye," they would be concerned. Try to be calm about everything and it will probably work out.

[suprema99]

I agree with saint soul, have him meet your parents first. This way they can make better assumptions about him. Also you are 18 and technically you could move out and live with him if you wanted. So hopefully your parents understand that also.. But If your still living at home, then you really have no say and your parents do have alot of authority over you. Goodluck

[parakeet]

thanks for the advice all. and i also want to ask about living together, my parents are AGAINST that too. now, i know they legally can't stop me. so if any of you are against it, or have parents that are against it rather, why is living together SO BAD? i know there are cons, but in my opinion, there are more things GOOD about living together before marriage.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

thanks for the advice all. and i also want to ask about living together, my parents are AGAINST that too. now, i know they legally can't stop me. so if any of you are against it, or have parents that are against it rather, why is living together SO BAD? i know there are cons, but in my opinion, there are more things GOOD about living together before marriage.

 

I would definitely advise against living together, especially for your situation.

 

When one is in an LDR, then part of one's relationship, a large part, is not truly based on reality. It's fantasy -- you idealize your partner, you paste onto them what you want them to be. Often, it turns out that, when you're hanging out with them IRL for extended periods of time, you find out that they aren't quite what you envisioned. After you're living with such a person, you'll find it's a lot harder to remove yourself from a relationship that you no longer wish to continue.

 

If you do want to live with this person, take it slow. Go to school so you can get a good job later...you're 18, so there's no reason to hurry the relationship, right? Have a couple years of real, non-LDR before you move in with this person or make plans to marry them.

 

Good luck