My ex girlfriend

[street]

i split up from my ex girlfriend 4 weeks ago. We had been going out for 3 1/2 years. We are great together best mates etc. But over the last few months we started taking each other for granted and not doing enough things together etc...anyway we have had quite alot of contact since the split as were best mates. But last nite i said i can't handle this as i want to get back together. She says she doesn't want to yet as she needs to be on her own. Which is fair enough but she keeps saying that she is 100% sure we will get back together one day. What should i do i know i shouldn't wait for her but its hard not to when she says this!!

we still love each other,. find each over attractive....it just doesn't make sense...theres no one else involved...im 4 years older than her and i just feel perhaps she is a little immature shes 21.

 

Help as i don't understand whats going on now!!!

[segagirl]

well two sides to this. First the simple fact if since the breakup she still has you around, then why would she need to get back in the relationship? she already has you.

The other side is she is young, if she spent the last few years with you, it might be a nice chance for her to learn about herself, spend some time alone, and yes maybe even go out on a few dates. Which is not the end of the world. Better now than 5 years more into it....

So I think the best option is to let her go, tell her you love her and minimize the contact. the reason for minimizing contact is to protect your heart, also if you dont want to just be her friend you may end up lashing out at her when she does things....which could cause strain to what might be. Might be a good time for you to reassess what you want as well.

A second option is the pressure option. Tell her your not waiting around, either shes wants you or she does not.....I DO NOT recommend this option unless you are sure she would say yes.

[street]

thanks 4 the advice, i think your right..she needs to go and find whatever she is looking for, if one day we get back together then we will be better for it...im going to go out and enjoy being free and single, who knows i could find someone better. at the moment i don't think that but i need to look...the contact has to be kept minimal as like you say she will never need me back fully in her life!!

 

its summer here over in the uk so its party time!!!

[caliboy]

my ex told me the same thing - she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now with anyone (including me). she's the same age as your ex and still very immature with the way she handles things in her life and the way she treats other people. i know it really sucks to have to be the guy who she does this to. especially when the two of you were so happy. i guess it's something people go through. she needs time to herself to go out with friends, find herself, date guys and just grow up.

 

it sucks that we have to be on the other end of this, but at the same time i can understand what she's going through. i broke up with an ex-girlfriend when I was 18 cause i felt i needed to be on my own, find myself, etc. but after awhile i realized how much i missed her and we got back together. we did eventually break up for other reasons a couple years later, but that's besides the point. i dont want to hold my ex back from anything, especially living life. if we were to ever get back together (and/or you with your ex), you'd want her to have gotten everything out of her system so she doesn't feel the need to do it again. all we can do is support them and be understanding, all the while not putting any pressure on them and be ourselves.

 

the whole talking to her still after the break up can't happen. and when she says she's 100% sure you two'll get back together, she's just stringing you along. i find it too difficult to just be friends with my ex when i still love her so much. if you two are to ever get back together, you and her are both going to have to distance each other so you can both move on, be yourselfs again, forgive each other so that all anger and bitterness is out of the way, and then maybe one day talk and try again. and if it works out then it was probably meant to be. just go back to being yourself and focusing on yourself. don't wait for her, cause you'll waste your life on something that isn't for sure. dont worry about letting her go and not waiting for her, cause it's not like you could never fall back in love again.

 

the way i see it is if she truly cares about you she'll come back to you. if she doesn't then her loss, she's not worth your time and there are way better girls out there. it's a harsh way to go about things, but it's the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. life's too short to dwell on things.

[street]

i really want to be her friend but i know i can't..its so hard though..but its the only way i will get over and/or make her relise what she has thrown away..

 

all her talk about getting back together say 6 months down the line, i don't believe is her stringing me along...i know her or thought i did and really don't think she is like this...only time will tell...

 

i still think she is the one for me but perhaps not at the moment....i just wish i could get her out of my thoughts..shes there all the time and its doing my head in!!!

 

im going away for a week in a couple of days she was meant to be coming, her loss!!! anyway that should help me and no contact will be good for me

[caliboy]

i don't believe is her stringing me along...i know her or thought i did and really don't think she is like this

 

i use to think like you, but people can change on you like you wouldn't believe. "she would never do that." hahaha... but she can.

[street]

just a quick update, its been 6 weeks since the split now and im beginning to feel better, last week i went on holiday with family. she was meant to be coming, it was hard at first but got easier. anyway when i was away she went to a wedding, i was meant to be going as well..anyway she starts texting me on my phone saying "how she is lost without me at the wedding and is devastated that im not there...i don't reply to this directly..

 

when i get back from holiday i see her out with her friends, we chat just gneral chit chat..anyway when i leave she text messages me again, saying how she nearly cried when i left, and then asks me down her house for sunday lunch....i know i should havent gone but i needed to..so i went, she was very sad and got upset at one point, i was fine and acted really cool...

 

it seems the whole situation has reversed and now she is feeling bad,,,what do i do?? i want her back but i think she needs to suggest it...

 

after 6 weeks and she made the split she shouldn't be feeling like this surely, im better and at frist i was obviously more hurt...

 

do u think she is having second thoughts, i really don't want to bring this up with her as i could push her further away...

 

ideas??

[segagirl]

Hey where are you now with this? Would like to hear how its going!

[street]

segagirl.. update, well we went to lunch 2day....had a nice meal...we still get on so well and its so obvious we still have chemistry between us. she says she stills thinks about me all the time and she even went up are local pub last nite thinking i would be there. i wasn't though.

 

we still chat often but i never bring up getting back together, she needs to do that as she split up with me, she knows how i feel!!!

 

i just think this being friends will never allow me to fully get over it, i still love her and i now we could work it out, even though i never got a proper reason for splitting "just somethings not right" "We became friends"...well after 4 years u do..she doesn't relise that...

 

i so tempted to cut all contact from side, and see what happens she may not contact me, least i will get over it..

 

its her b'day in a month perhaps i will cool it till then and send her a card...

 

theres no one else involved on either side...perhaps we just can't let go..she still wheres my eternity ring and still has photos of me up in her house,,,

 

help!!

[segagirl]

Hi, glad to hear from you again!

Tough situation....I really think the two of you have something very special. I can understand wanting to let go a little so you can heal. I think that if it is clear to her how you feel, laying off on the contact might be a good idea. I don't me ignore her, just let her make the moves. And if you do not hear from her...send that card anyway. If you are meant to be, then this time will just make the two of you stronger...and ready for the long haul if you come back to one another. Hang in there!

[street]

thanks for the kind words...we did/do still have something very special. i will wait for her to make the contact from now on, its her 21st b'day so i will send her a card, it will be hard for both of us being apart that day..if we ever get back together and we both think we will then will be so much stronger for it...

 

we were friends first, so perhaps we can move on from that stage again...

 

she still talks like were together, even calling me babe, this is 2 months on now...

 

at the moment i need to think about myself, it makes a change to put yourself first.

 

if it happens it will!!! fate will play its part, it certainly keeps me bumping into her!

 

 

thanks for listening

[mk]

As for me, she is just afraid for committement, she is afraid of a lot of things. Not matter, how I comfort her, she is also have doubts?

 

Girls and Boys? What can I do? How can she comfort herself and build self-confident?

 

Any comments?

[street]

well its been 10 weeks 2day...were still mates but for the foreseable future i can't see us getting back together..ive hit the angry stage of hating her for what she has done and what she gave up!!! obvousivly i still love her but hate her as well!!

 

ive tried staying friends but its not allowing me to move on..

 

it does make me feel that she thinks she can find someone better..it has knocked my confidence rejection does..but im trying to think i have alot to offer someone else and when i find that person they will deserve me, as at the moment she doesn't!!!!

 

it has got easier but we live so close and share the same friends its so hard to not see her..just got to be strong and get on with it..

 

thanks for listening!