Breakdowns, depression, and thoughts of not eating. What fun

[mymelancholysoul]

I have been having these small breaks all week, but more so toward the end. Sometimes when I'm away from home, as I have been at a friends, I get a little moody and act out. But this is different than all those times. I'm not moody. I'm angry, hurt, depressed. I'm a landslide in action. I'm falling to pieces but everyone around me could care less. I know, If you don't say something is wrong nobody can help you. The thing is, generally most know when something is wrong with me. I'm usually smiling or laughing or being so out of this world. Lately, I can't even make myself laugh let alone someone else. I know its hurting those around me, because I'm pretty sure the friend I was staying with knew something was up but didn't want to ask. Even if she did, I would probably convince her nothing was the matter and I was simply tired. Thats partly true; my being tired and exhausted has always effected how I act. I don't think I really have a question so much as I just wanted a nice rant.

 

To top it all off, I've been eating regular type meals while at this friends house. I had almost forgotten what it was like to have more than a few hundred calories in a day, let alone in one meal. Today is my first day home and I've only been here an hour or so, but I'm already planning how to not eat dinner and what excersizes to do. I don't want to eat. I know I'm probably hungry because yesterday I just picked at my food but I can't find it in me to sit down and have lunch. The whole idea of eating while I'm home sickens me. I only ate there because I knew she would thing something was wrong if I didn't. And I don't want to worry my best friend because its not that big of a deal. Yes, I have weight obsessions. Yes, I have disordered eating. But no, there is not a reason to become excited or frantic.

 

I don't have any questions. I just wanted a rant. If you comment, you comment. If not, Id understand because I wouldn't waste my time on me either.

[CarterJonas]

hi mymelancholysoul,

 

I am sorry that you are not feeling too well at the moment with all you have going on in your life. The only advice I can give you is that you speak to a responsible adult about your problems. Believe me, they will be able to help you.

 

take care.

[thisisnotanexit]

i'm here for you. i know how hard it is to feel bad, but pretend otherwise. hang in there. you're a wonderful person inside and out. we're all here for you! take care

 

link removed