Dealing with father's illness- advice needed

[SnowFlurry]

Last year, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. It was very sudden, and very hard to deal with. As time went on, it got easier and easier to live with. Just recently however, he's started to get very sick. He's had complications, and we just found out that his tumor is growing. He's spent the last week in the hospital. He's really not doing good.

All this is very hard on me. I try to be a strong person, and accept the fact that he may not get better (although he may), but everytime I think about it, I just get sick to my stomach.

I really want to talk to someome about it. I have turned to my boyfriend with this issue a few times, and he seems to change the subject or stop us from talking. I confronted him with this, and he said that it's not good to dwell on something, that I need to do something to get my mind off of it. I just feel like it would feel better to get my feelings out, and I don't feel like I have anywhere else to turn.

I always considered myself pretty independent, but going through this in the past few weeks or so has made me feel very vulnerable. I have been clinging to my boyfriend lately, because I feel like I need something stable. But while I cling to him, I feel that that is pushing him away. I know that most guys don't like girls to be clingy and needy, and that is what I feel I am right now. It seems the more I go to him, the less responsive he is to me. So I try to refrain from going to him, but then I feel even lonelier, and focus on the bad things even more. I end up getting upset over little things and overreacting, and I'm afraid this pushes him away even more.

It's hard when your father's sick. It's even harder, because I'm 2 and a half hours away at college right now, so I hardly get to see him. Sometimes I debate going to school at home, to be closer to him. However, the times that I am home, it is so upsetting to see him in the condition he's in.

How can I learn how to deal with this on my own, without being vulnerable and thereforeeee clingy? Advice is welcome.

[mandyglass]

When my dad was diagnosed with cancer, it was really hard as well. As girls, we tend to think that our daddy's are so strong and will be there forever. I never imagined my father ever being weak or frail, but eventually, as the cancer progressed, he did become mentally and physically weak. For me, it was important to focus on the positive side of the situation. Now is the time to remember all the good times that you and your father have shared. It is also important to let your father know in no uncertain terms, how much you love him and how much he has meant to you. Maybe instead of looking to your boyfriend for support, since he seems to be pretty unreceptive, call your dad and see him as much as possible. When my dad was very sick, right before he died, I went and laid down next to him in bed and told him how much I loved him and that I was going to miss him very much, but that he was such a good father, that it was okay for him to rest and I would never forget him. Your father is probably hurting more for the possibility of leaving you, hurting you, then the cancer could ever hurt. It's important for you to talk to someone about how you are feeling, and who better to talk to than your father. It would benefit both of you, without doubt. It may be hard to open up, but it is so important for your strength, which will in turn, make your father's illness more acceptable and peaceful for him. In a way, you both are lucky to have this time to let eachother know how you feel. It may be difficult to understand, but looking to your daddy for support right now would be my best advice. Even though he is sick, he is still your father, and you are still his little girl. Tell him exactly how you feel, that you are scared and sad and you don't want to lose him. And then be receptive and let him be the one to ease your fears. This way, you both will feel better. If he tells you that everything will be alright, he will believe that himself. Everything that you are feeling, your father is feeling as well, please, turn to him for support. I have been a nurse for 6 years and I have seen so many families go through this. It's so, so important for both you and your father let eachother know how you feel, don't underestimate the power of peace of mind!

[Dubz]

its always hard when one of ur parents, have cancer but what u have to remember is that there are alot more things that doctors and that can do these days, when my nan got cancer there was nothing really that the doctors could do, sometimes i wonder if she had have been alive today would they have been able to cure her cancer, as for ur boyfriend, maybe he feels like he dont know what to say, i think u need to explain to him that u need to get ur feelings out in the open and that u dont expect him to say anything, all u wanna do u let ur feelings out, if he still dont really wanna talk about it then find someone else to talk to, even if its someone from on here, u dont have to deal with this on ur own, i really hope ur father gets better soon, and i hope everything works out for you too, take care

[SouthernSon]

From a male perspective, I can tell you that if a daughter of mine was ever in need of consoling or needed to talk, it doesn't matter if I'm healthy, on my deathbed or getting shot at. I'm going to be there for her until I take my last breath. It's hard to describe the feelings men have in protecting their daughters and ensuring no harm comes to them and that they only want the best for them.

 

I agree...talk to your dad instead of talking about him.