Dating younger girls

[Postie]

Ok i'm a 23 year old male from the UK and dating a 16 year old girl, just wanted feedback really cos i'm abit concerned what people think about this

[Iceman26]

I think you should date someone at least over 18 dude. Shes not even out of high school yet. What do your parents think? Her parents?

[neva_black_n_white]

Heya.

I can totally relate to this topic, im 16 and turning 17 in a couple of months, thinking about making it serious with someone ive known for a while, hes 22 so thats where the problem arises. Everyone has a perception on age, let alone the law, its something were trying to discover and more so figure out whether its a factor we can overcome.

 

Howd you meet her? how do you feel around her? how much do you know about her? how much do others know about you both? and then ill chat more about my scenario see if you can gain anythign from it.

 

NBNW

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

Thats kinda perverted dude!!!!!

 

Here is a rule of thumb: Divide your age by 2, and then add seven to know how young the girl should be. You are 23...half of which is 11.5....and add 7...you should not date any girl who is younger than 18.5 years!!!!!!!!

[neva_black_n_white]

hey iceman, can seriously relate to that idea too, my initial reponce to my scenario is, unfortunatley, "what he want with someone my age" but then again people have said im mature for my age, i dont take it too much to heart because i never try to be someone older or different to who i am. but anyway this isnt a self assessment on me.

 

Your right, its all about thinking of how others would feel. Thats the hard part, because once you overcome the first judgement, spent about 3 months with that person and got a good grasp on who they are underneath (im assumin me more than others, i leart alot too quick and in a sense this made us serious before it started - and no just to reassure people, theres nothing like sex with us at the minute so please dont slate me - **big smile**)

 

But anyway, you begin to feel like the worlds fine with it until you realise the world is only you and this other person, give or take a few people and parents arent yet involved.

 

My parents met him as if he was just a friend at the beginning, this was at the start before anythign began with us both, and already they had the same intitial problem as me. so its not something your going to find easy.

 

Ask yourself, is this about making it easy or are you wanting to work at this?

[Postie]

we met at football and share alot of interests.

 

Like her alot and her parents don't mind at all or mine.

 

It's me thats the problem, i feel like a criminal.

[neva_black_n_white]

Its understandable, outsiders, even me when i saw my mate go down this route, first instinct is to say "WHAT ARE YOU DOING" but no one actually grabs hold of the reality of it until your in that predicament. People can say that a 16 year old isnt mature, or in my families eyes, a 16 year old is not worldly. but thats the thing, when your around someone, or when you trust someone, or when your willing to put trust and commitment into something. Or just even come on a board like this and know your going to get hounded by a few people, its worth asking about because you must care.

 

How much do you know about her? How long have your parents known? What was their first opinion? How much do you and your girl talk about this? What do you want from the relationship?

 

I know that sometimes the main thng that needs to be overcome is what each person in a relationship wants, often these are two different things. for expample, one may know that they cant offer commitment. take me for example, i intend on going to university after i finish college and no one will stand in my way. providing that you know what one another wants and arent preventing each other from getting there yet instead helping, you should be able to over come things.

 

Why do you feel like the criminal? get to the core of this? are you sleeping together?

[Iceman26]

Well realistically, here is the thing man. A girl that young is going to go through changes, changes you have already been through. I am not talking simple changes, but drastic emotional, physical, and mental changes. Her wants and needs are going to change, etc.

 

I think if you do see her, dont get serious with her because she is going to change later on and want to date other people. Personally, I wouldnt date her because she is under 18.

[Hope75]

While my first instinct is that the gap is too great given that her age is 16, a 7 year age gap when she was 30 wouldn't matter, I think if her parents are OK with it and if you feel as though you do actually have some things in common besides sex, give it a try.

 

Just remember there will be times when the age gap is frustrating... she may not drive yet, isn't able to vote, and you can't invite her to the pub with you and your buds, are you OK with this?

 

If you guys feel like you can handle it, and her parents don't mind, I think it's prob OK to give it a go and see what happens, just remember, she is 16, that is against the law in the US, I don't know about Britain, and if you begin to resent her for her age limitations or she resents you for yours, you walked into this eyes wide open.

[Postie]

It's legal here.

 

I like her alot though and don't wanna give this up.

 

She says she has fallen in love with me and wants a future with me.

[neva_black_n_white]

If there ISNT pressure

If there IS communication

If there IS trust

And if there is Honesty

 

those few things should be the start of something good. i dont think that you should judge the situation too quickly. i think the comment that girls will go through changes is very accurate, but whos to say that anyone else isnt going to go through changes? we all experiance things in life that can affect us physically emotionally, intellectually and socially,we work on them. and sometimes when your around the right people you overcome them even better, with more support, or help, or trust or anything..so if you think you both can work on these "changes" then everything should be ok.

 

if this is too much of a hurdle, then that alone, not age, should be somethign making you reconsider the idea of any relationship.

 

NBNW

[Postie]

The thing is, although i'm 23, i feel like a teenager.

 

I'm not a man, i don't feel responsible yet!!!!

[neva_black_n_white]

responsible for what expactly?

 

responsible to commit?

to feel the way you do?

to take in some of the challanges or hurdles?

responsible for what?

 

do you think maybe she has jumped the ball too quick, and your suddenly thinking you might be responsible for hurting her if you cant recipricate (sp) the feelings?

[Postie]

I'm just not ready to face the world alone.

 

I want to have fun and not worry about houses and stuff.

[neva_black_n_white]

why would you be alone? are you sure that your biggest issue is with this girl and her age? i mean why would you see it as stepping into the world alone?

 

why are you suddenly thinking about accommodation? are you havign to move out of somewhere or something? are there different elements that are making you worry?

 

if you think because of this relationship and your age you suddenly have to settle down, its nothing like that, you should never feel pressurised or made to make any decisions that arent necessary for you right now. you shouldnt have to feel alone. are you not surrounded by people who make you feel comfortable? or maybe this relationship makes you feel isolated? watched over?

 

is there something a little deeper here?

nbnw

[DragonGirl724]

well is the states its illegal so anyone from America will frown down on this. dude, get someone thats on the same level as you. maturity levels are extremely important. you experienced way more than she has...shes still in school!!! she hasnt even graduated yet & here you are at an age where you could be enrolled in a university. i dont get why people do this i really dont. is it fear that you cant nab a real woman your own age?

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

The thing is, although i'm 23, i feel like a teenager.

 

I'm not a man, i don't feel responsible yet!!!!

 

i think Michael Jackson has the same problem, actually he said he has that exact problem. he still feels like a child despite his age....

 

no offense, but it sounds kind of odd . do you have a job & live on your own yet??? if not id suggest doing so. and hang out with some of your friends your own age...what could you possibly have in common with a 16 year old????

 

-DG724

[volution]

You have answered your own question - you want to 'have fun', you don't feel responsible and you don't consider yourself a man.

thereforeeee, I don't see any problem (other than occasional peer-pressure/social denunciations) with you going with this girl... you're probably on the same maturity level as her.... just don't expect it to last forever!

 

Don't worry about your ages - I know of a girl, now only 17 and pregnant, who has been going out with someone since they were.... wait for it.... TWELVE, with someone more than 10 years older than them - now that is child molestation! BTW, the guy is acting irresponsible at the moment with regards to the oncoming baby.

 

I'm just not ready to face the world alone.

 

I want to have fun and not worry about houses and stuff.

[Diablo7000]

hey i like a girl thats for years younger then me but i think it's ok if you truly love her and she truly loves you then you guys are happy then stay together theres nothing wrong with that god doesn't have an age limit but if you were like 30 and she was 16 thats kinda wrong (i know someone thats 30 with a 16 y/o g/f but if your happy with her stay together dude.

[Diablo7000]

regardless of what people say also they can't change you it's your life so if you want her then stay with her who cares what others think about the situation like i said it's your life so there ya go.

[DragonGirl724]

i dont know how you guys run things in other parts of the world...but cmon! does pedophilia not exist there????? someone who escapes the responsibilities of being an adult by dating much younger girls...THIS DOESNT SET OFF A LITTLE RED FLAG ANYWHERE???? theres major issues there that need to be addressed...how would you feel if your 16 yr old daughter was dating a guy nearly in his mid 20's....scary. i know when i was 16 my parents would have had my head!! and as they should if i was seeking attention from much older males...im 21 & i know how 23 year old guys think. this is rediculous if you ask me. and since you posted this & wanted opinions youre going to get them. when i was 16 i HATED when older guys stared me down wanted to talk to me. even NOW at 21 when a much older guy tries to hit on me, i think of how revolting it is. the only thing a young girl & an older guy have in common is sexual drive. and being an American, looking at this age gap, it makes me sick to my stomach.

 

-DG724

[volution]

She's 16. He's 23. He's clearly not interested in having a mature/long-term relationship by all that he's said. To lead her along by deliberately lying to her about the destiny of their relationship (eg: by saying yes I'll marry you one day etc.) just for the pursuit of sex IS wrong - but that's the case in any relationship, regardless of age. As is the fact that most guys just want sex, and not a committed relationship, also regardless of their age.

Paedophilia - that's a whole kettle of a melting pot of fish! We had an evil 60-something Music Producer released from serving only half of a 7 year prison in the UK today - he seduced young boys of about 14 to having sex with him. THAT'S PAEDOPHILIA. Not a 16 year old girl and a 23 year old boy.

Just remember, most men mature slower than women - so they're probably on the same wavelength (ie: tastes, music, films etc.).

[DragonGirl724]

no 23 year old I KNOW is at all riding the same brainwaves of a 16 year old!!! this is just wrong. sexual drive is the ONLY common factor.

 

him not being able to deal with the realities of growing up, is a serious problem. its time to grow up! are you gonna be one of those dirty 30 year olds preying on young girls after school lets out?? find a girl your own age. get with it.

 

-DG724

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

Postie, you need to grow up. I am 21 and I am already organizing my future career and how to buy an apartment. I already have adult responsibilities. YOu need to grow up. If you ever want to be with this girl, you need to provide for her!!!!!! How will she eat....where will she live if you don't provide a place for her. If you truly love her, then you will get off your _____ and grow and realize that life is not all fun and games and actually do work to take care of this girl!!!!!

 

 

I'm just not ready to face the world alone.

 

I want to have fun and not worry about houses and stuff.

[DragonGirl724]

agreed. i have a blast in life but i also maintain responsibilites & dont fear growing up! dude balance your life out. you need structure.

 

-DG724