how do i unbore my relationship?

[excelalways]

i've been dating the most incredible guy i've ever met for close to two years. i love him and i am very happy with him, but i think we are getting bored with each other.

sometimes he seems like he only does stuff with me because he has to, and i've been finding interest in other people. i feel like a burden to him.

 

i want to try to find new thigns to do together, but he never seems to like what i want to do. he's always busy, so when we spend time together he doesn't even want to do anything at all.

 

i just want ideas, some new things to do together.

i love him very much and i want him to be as happy as possible

[ForAnother]

its so hard to answer to such a broad subject, however, I have read some stuff kinda on this. A lot of it has to do with, "What made it fun in the beginning." Think of how you first started dating. The ignoring, the leading on, the playing, is all part of the game. Now you need to find these games again. Find that childlike kinda feeling and go for it.

 

There is a lot more to it, but that is a suggestion. I can't remember where I read it. I think it was on here, from a post a long time ago.

 

ForAnother

[excelalways]

thank you very much foranother.

you actually gave me some pretty good ideas--that i will prolly try today

 

i'm still open to suggestions--and if you need to ask questions to narrow it down go ahead.

[OceanEyes]

After two years, I'm pretty sure that relationship games are very difficult to play, since there is a hell of a lot less mystery. When you've been dating someone for two years or more, there are definite routines that you fall into and certain expectations. Any deviation from those expectations could be potentially exciting initially, but may backfire if you take them too far (like avoiding his calls to appear 'busy', but he may actually take it as a sign that you're seeing someone else or are not considerate enough to take his calls, etc.). I just think that after this long, you just know each other far too well to get away with pulling fast ones, lol!!

 

ForAnother is right about finding the things that helped you fall in love in the first place. So if in the beginning you guys used to do something in particular together, like rollerblading or seeing concerts, try getting back to those things. Sometimes (in my relationships anyhow), people get lazy and start 'coasting', or making an extra effort to keep busy together. It's one thing to be busy on your own, but if you fall into a routine in your relationship of just sitting around watching t.v., someone is going to get very restless - and like you've said - finding interest in 'other things'. I've been there too!!

 

I too have a boyfriend who is very busy. He has very little spare time, but the time that he does have, he likes to plan special days or certain activities for us (since he knows I'll get very bored if he doesn't, lol). These are a couple of things we've done:

 

- Spent the day at the zoo.

 

- Taken a day road-trip to a nearby city.

 

- Bought disposible cameras, gone to some interesting part of the city and taken photos of each other, then taken the camera to a one-hour photo developer and laughed over the pictures. While you wait for the photos, go grab a pitcher of beer somewhere. I don't know about your man, but mine LOVES it when I suggest grabbing a pitcher of beer. We always just sit there and laugh, it's a great time and it really relaxes him!

 

Try to avoid activities that involves a minimal level of dialogue like going to the movies. Of course this can be fun from time to time, but if you're looking to 'spice things up', it's the worst thing. You basically just sit in a dark theatre and watch a movie. It doesn't really stimulate the chemistry between you, if you know what I mean! Other activities that I would avoid are ones that you do all the time, since they're the reason you're bored in the first place. Do something different, something exciting!

[excelalways]

thank you! you've got really good ideas. (cept about the beer--we're only 17 lol))

 

it is pretty difficult to find things that we both like just to have fun...he usually wants to sit around and i'm dying to go out and do something.

 

i'm just about to go somewhere with him, maybe i'll return with a good story

[Cadence308]

Maybe you guys could take a class together like pottery or kickboxing or yoga?

 

I also read somewhere that role playing can be really exciting. Like arranging to meet somewhere and having the other person show up there and try to pick the other up like the first time you met. I've heard that it can also spice up the sex.

[excelalways]

hmm...i've always wanted to take a class like pottery, or kickboxing, or yoga. what ever it is it would have to be laid back because he's so lazy--lol.

maybe i'll hunt for a pottery class..it sounds cool

[ForAnother]

Yeah, I dunno where you live, but if they have one of those pottery playhouses they can be fun. Just choose small objects that you can use together later on (like bowls or something) and have a little competition or something...

 

I definitely think going to another city and taking pics is a cool idea. If you live near the beach go to the beach... go to one with like a town kinda thing behind it, and go and walk down the street and get icecream and stuff...

 

And About my "ignoring and leading on" comment, yes be very careful with it... there are times to do it... I couldn't give you an example but... I was in a relationship for almost a year, and I'll tell you... we ended up not really going out and just sitting around. There were parties we coulda gone to, and concerts, and events. Once you go to one, there are flyers and things for other events. Go find a music club kinda thing, where you sit and drink and listen to good music. Sometimes they are in sketch places in a city... but sometimes that can up the excitement of it... its experimentation

 

Hope you find it

 

ForAnother

[OceanEyes]

thank you! you've got really good ideas. (cept about the beer--we're only 17 lol))

 

Whoops, missed that part.

[Serendipity1607307077]

When I feel like I could do more to enhance my relationship, I will buy myself some lingerie or a little costume and prance around in it, hahaha or I will suggest new ideas of what we could do together.

 

Usually every week or so I will ask my boyfriend how I am doing as a girlfriend, and then get him to tell me where I can improve. Then I do the same for him. It sounds silly, but it actually works with improving the relationship!

[AlleyCat]

My b/f and I had a similar problem. While he was in law school and I was living an hour away, we essentially only saw each other on weekends and maybe one night during the week because we were both busy and tired. When we did see each other, we got into a routine of doing the same thing every time (going to a movie on the weekends, and dinner during the week if we saw each other at all). It was just easier to do the same thing all the time rather than exert the effort involved in actually planning something.

 

Accept that he's busy and tired and may not want to go out all that much (or put forth the effort involved in planning something), and try to do things together that don't require much effort, or that you have to do anyway. For example, you could go to his place and cook dinner for him (or bring dinner) or cook together. Cuddling on the couch watching a movie can also be fun. Plan a candlelit dinner at home with music. If he has things to do at home, like study, you could read while he studies. Taking up a new hobby together is also fun - my b/f and I started rollerblading together (until he broke his wrist), and doing some kind of physical activity could even be a stress reliever for him. In my opinion, the "trick" is keeping things from being too routine.