unanimous123 Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 Ok some background before I start: gf and I are in a relationship and live together for almost a year now. We rarely get to spend quality time together since friends are always coming over (now, on my previous posts, this used to be an issue with her drinking like there's no tomorrow, but it has been taken care of lately). The problem is, when I talk to her about just having a quiet night alone and saying we rarely get to spend quality time unlike before, she just say something along the lines of "what are you talking about, we live together"...and then we talked about how her friends are coming over all the time, mostly to drink. We live with two other couples in their respective rooms, but I swear, our place is becoming more like a pub now than a home. I am cool with her drinking now since it's down to a minimum, but sometimes I feel like she prefers spending time with friends than me, I don't want to sound clingy, but shouldn't there be a balance between her spending time with friends and a quiet night with just the two of us? So! Do any of you here been through something similar? Perhaps we're stuck in a rut and the curse of the routine which roots from living together. Any ideas? Link to comment
RitaTrue Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 Living together does NOT mean quality time. Living together means...living together. You still have to act like you're dating each other, to keep the spark alive. How does your girlfriend feel about one-on-one dates alone? Link to comment
unanimous123 Posted June 8, 2012 Author Share Posted June 8, 2012 Living together does NOT mean quality time. Living together means...living together. You still have to act like you're dating each other, to keep the spark alive. How does your girlfriend feel about one-on-one dates alone? I thought so too. She says she likes it but we have to be practical and need to save up some money... Link to comment
RitaTrue Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 I thought so too. She says she likes it but we have to be practical and need to save up some money... That sounds nice, but that's a cop out. You have quality time together without spending money. And there are tons of ideas, especially online, about how to have a romantic time together, for free, or for those on a small budget. The principle is the time not the money. How would she feel about that in itself? Link to comment
unanimous123 Posted June 8, 2012 Author Share Posted June 8, 2012 It definitely is a cop out, well, the thing is, her friends are always coming over, inviting her to drink and we end up drinking (which has been under control now), this time it has been substituted by DVDs.lol...I just wish we'd spend more time together with just the two of us. I will try to search online for some ideas.hehe anyway thanks for your answer, RitaTrue. Link to comment
RitaTrue Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 If she's having more more quality time with her friends than with you, that's not good. There needs to be balance. I have an urksome feeling.....Has your girlfriend been a little distant lately, or not as romantic....in other areas of the relationship? Link to comment
unanimous123 Posted June 9, 2012 Author Share Posted June 9, 2012 If she's having more more quality time with her friends than with you, that's not good. There needs to be balance. I have an urksome feeling.....Has your girlfriend been a little distant lately, or not as romantic....in other areas of the relationship? Unfortunately, Yes.... Link to comment
RitaTrue Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 Unfortunately, Yes.... What has she done to improve those areas of the relationship? Link to comment
unanimous123 Posted June 9, 2012 Author Share Posted June 9, 2012 What has she done to improve those areas of the relationship? I don't really know, perhaps it's me who has such high standards when it comes to spending quality time together. To be fair with, she still talks about our relationship and I can feel that she cares to nurture it....so ,perhaps I should lower my standards? Link to comment
RitaTrue Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I don't really know, perhaps it's me who has such high standards when it comes to spending quality time together. To be fair with, she still talks about our relationship and I can feel that she cares to nurture it....so ,perhaps I should lower my standards? Something's not adding up here. And you know that. First, you know that something's amiss in your relationship. Fair enough. But if you're aware of what's going wrong, then you'd also be aware of when she's trying to make it right. If you're saying "I dont know" that means nothing's changed. If something had changed, you would know. If you wanted to lower your standards about spending quality time, you wouldnt have started this thread. How long've you been feeling like different things are missing from the relationship? Link to comment
unanimous123 Posted June 10, 2012 Author Share Posted June 10, 2012 For quite a while now. I guess I'll take my freedom to rant and will give one example... I just don't get it, or am I being unreasonable here? She says she's not big on movies or DVDS, but when her friends are there, it becomes a freakin' movie marathon...but when I ask her to go on a date with me to go to the movies, she says we should save up. Maybe she's just a homebody or something, but I'm trying to damn hard to make our relationship work here. I feel taken for granted. Is she bored? If she is then I think it's best I move out? Link to comment
RitaTrue Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Have you brought up these inconsistencies with her? (The way she watches movies with friends versus her watching movies with you?) If you have, and there has been no change, you need to reconsider your relationship. A relationship starts through two people, and it can only be fixed by two people. Link to comment
unanimous123 Posted June 16, 2012 Author Share Posted June 16, 2012 Hello RitaTrue, Thanks for taking the time to read my post and give advice. Yes, I had. With regards to the movie, she said there's nothing to it, that getting together with friends is how she spends time with them. Lately, she spends time with me watching movies(dvds) with just the two of us and we're cuddled in the couch together. Her friends don't visit as much and I don't know if she told them or maybe they've just caught on. lol. Relationships take a lot of work, and we're willing to work it out. Link to comment
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