advice from anyone who has high risk hpv

[notgivingup]

Hi everybody. I just recently started going out with this guy, he knows that I have hpv and hpv has always been a sensitive issue between the two of us. Of course, I am really worried about passing on hpv to him and he is really worried about getting hpv from me, that's just a natural reaction. We both care deeply about each other. Somewhere along the way I was told by my doctor that I no longer have it (that my body fought it off). But then two or three weeks later my gynecologist told me that I still have it and it is going away. Three different doctors telling me different things? Frustrating. Somewhere in that two to three weeks my boyfriend and I have had protected and unprotected sex. So now, my mind is in a mumble jumbled state. What do I do? Should I continue to have sex with him? Should I tell him? Should I stop talking to him?

 

My boyfriend and I are already having problems in other areas of our relationship and I know that I have to tell him this. But there's another part of me (the part that is scared that he will leave me) tells me otherwise. His behavior towards me turns on and off like a lightbulb, he can send me mixed messages at times. He has gone as far as saying I don't want to be with you at the moment, but I want to make this work. It has only been two weeks into the relationship.

 

I want him. I need him. I need to talk to him. But he didn't pick up my phone call. Or else I wouldn't have to write all this out on here.

 

This is so frustrating ](*,)

[Nixee]

I could tell you a few things about HPV.... such as it is a very common std that most people will get at some point... or that it is very rare for it to lead to major health issues, especially in men (though true, the risk is there) - mostly you just have to monitor health just like you normally would.

 

But my bigger concern here is that you say you are only two weeks into your relationship and you are already having problems in this relationship, he won't pick up his phone, he's giving mixed messages, etc.

 

I kinda think HPV isn't your issue. I think maybe you want to use it as a reason to talk to him (to tell him his potential risk). And while that is kinda valid, it may not be enough to save your relationship.

[notgivingup]

Hi Nixee,

 

Well, you have the right to question the relationship that we have. But my boyfriend and I have a unique and complicated relationship that many people (other than the two of us) cannot or will not be able to understand. We are both willing to do anything and everything to make our relationship work. We are both willing to put our relationship to the test and let our actions for each other prove our love for each other through the passage of time.

 

notgivingup

[Nixee]

I hope you will forgive my cynicism (if that is how it is coming accross). You posted asking for advice and gave a lot of information about the current state of your relationship, and so I just gave an honest opinion as an outsider.

 

I think you will actually find a LOT of people here at ENA truly DO understand these types of relationships and deep feelings more than you know, and that should be comforting to you, rather than make you feel separate or apart.

 

My simple point and observation was that if it has only been two weeks and you are already feeling so intensely, sometimes it can be wise and healthy to take a step back and give the relationship some air... particularly when an issue like health and stds is already at the forefront. Shouldn't that come later?

 

If you are confident that he really does feel just as strong for you and will ultimately want to work things out, then you shouldn't be worried. Give him the patience he asks for, and let your own health recover. Follow the advice of your doctor.