Nothing anymore

[SummerWish]

Latly it just feels like theirs no hope for anything when im a person whos always been happy until a few years ago and even then it was not this bad...

My life was turned upside down by one old woman that married into my family, i thought my family cared for me, they proved me wrong, now im living in a small apartment with my sick mother and my everything has to be perfect grandmother, I am only 14 and My mother is very very sick but the doctors havent found anything and we don't have the money to get a good doctor but from my whole family iv goten 20 questions from all of them about are sure shes sick etc... no1 said "are you okay?" btw and i know shes sick cause i can see it and my grandma dos nothing to help with my mother being sick, depressed and lost all hope, she makes it worse by telling me how much of a screw up i am becuz i don't do everything altho my room is the only clean room in the entire apartment... i feel like maybe its all my fault, its my fault that my mother is sick, my grandma is unhappy, my family hates me, that im dump and i know i need to forgive myself but i don't know how and when i finally start, everything just piles on and on aging and it dosent stop and i just want it to go away...

i have no friends, no family, i don't go to school anymore cause im so far behind, my grandma wont give me money for a tutor cause she wants a new t.v and im always fighting with her for many resons, mostly cause she always has to look perfect... perfect hair, makeup, clothers, family and im just tired of hearing it...

i want to be a model when im 15 but i have acne and im like 5 pounds alway from being the right size and it feels like 500000 pounds, im always tired and i use to smile and be happy and laugh without it being fake but now it hurts to say i love you to family when i want to just yell and cry but all i know how todo is hold it in and when i try to tell somone its like talking to a wall so tell me how dos it end, how do i give my mother hope aging, how do i move on when theirs no where for me to go...

theirs only one way i know of to end it and its so tempting but im scared of what will happen after.](*,)

[Karibo]

Hello Summerwish,

 

I can understand your pain, I have had depression in the past and thought the only way to be at peace again was to end it all. But I wasn't correct.

 

My grandma was always horrible to me too, always putting me down, making out my brother was a saint. I was a kind, shy girl and always wondered why I was so terrible that she would say these nasty things out of no where. But as I grew older I realised it was about HER issues - she was projecting HER stuff onto me because that was easier than her facing up to HERSELF and her pain.

 

It sounds to me like your grandma is similar to mine. The way you say she has to look perfect all the time indicates that she is trying to hide something deep down, her OWN insecurities that she is projecting onto you.

 

I also learnt the hard way as I grew older that, PARENTS AND FAMILY ARE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT. They made judgements of me, but they didn't know who I really was deep down, I never felt like I could talk to them. I get what you mean about feeling like you are talknig to a brick wall. But that wasn't their fault either, they were brought up to not talk about their feelings.

 

But what other's opinons have of you will not always be correct, even if they are older. They are human with their own issues and take it out on others without realising the damage it can do. I bet your grandma has no REAL idea of how much she upsets you deep down.

 

Talking on here will help you. Things will get better in one day you will look back and see how far you have come.

 

Looks aren't everything either. I know it's hard to believe that in the world we are faced with, the media of "perfect" (airbrushed) ladies plastered everywhere, but they are fake. Those adverts try to prey on our insecurities so we buy their products.

 

Keep talking, it will help x

[lostinthehaze]

Exercise the hell out of yourself. It's a healthy way to relieve stress, anger, and pain. AND people usually leave you alone for it.