???Closure??? Tell me what you think!!!

[fridolyn]

Hi there!!!

 

My ex broke off with me 4 months ago. It was very painful at the beginning but now Im getting better. Im not fullyl healed and I have not seen improvement for 3 weeks now. The problem, I think, is that i dont think I will be able to get "closure" until my -ex- finds a new boyfriend. Is it commom, normal? I would really like to get closure but I dont know how. Are there some tipsI could use so I can stop thinking about her coming back? Sometimes I just wish to hear that she's finally found a new love so I can completely forget about her. But now, she's still alone and I often see, talk to her a bit every now and then because we live in a very small town and its very to difficult to avoid her.

 

Thank you in advance for your answer! Appreciated a lot!!!

 

***would trade my bellybutton for a healing button, interested???***

[Tinkerbell]

It's odd that you're wishing she'd get another partner, from what I gather that's usually the last thing a person wants since part of them is still hoping that they can get back together. Anyway, maybe you could get this "closure" by getting rid of things from her (I'm not sure if you've already done this..) Things like notes, pictures, etc.. Try to avoid seeing her as best as possible, and repeatedly tell yourself whenever needed that you're better off without her and you'll find someone else. Since you want to get over her so badly, whenever a thought about her pops up remind yourself of the reasons you guys broke up, the things she used to do that annoyed you, etc..

And most of all, go out and meet new people! Chances are that when you're in the presense of others and having a good time she won't be on your mind.

[sweetharmony]

i completely understand what you mean. it's not that you want to know that your ex has a new boyfriend, it would just make it easier to know that when she does get a new boyfriend, it would be more clear that she is not coming back to you. right now, since she doesn't have a boyfriend, you still have this hope in your mind that she may come back and it's probably making it difficult to get onw/ your life thinking this b/c that fantasy is still there. but if she did get a new bf, it wouldn't be closure, it may be even more difficult. at least she was smart and didn't rush right into another one. maybe she needs time to heal. either way, you do need to get on w/ you life and know at this point that she's not coming back. (if she does, then you can take it from there) but she is probably hurting just as much as you are. it is often just as (if not more) painful on the breaker's heart. but you can never know what she's thinking. just keep your head up and like tinkerbell said, go out w/ friends, meet new people, do things that you enjoy and try to make sure that you don't fantasize about her coming back. if she does, she does. either way, you'rw okay with or w/o her. you sound as you're on the right track, healing and all. we go through periods after a break-up and sometimes we take steps back, the forward and others are stagnant- like this one. only time will give you closure. it gets much easier, i promise you.

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Hey I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. First off, I believe he really did mean it when he said he really loves you and wants to be with you, but he probably had creeping doubts in his mind about wanting to see what else is out there. The doubts might've gotten stronger and thats when he probably realized it was time to leave.

Of course its very hard when you love someone so much just changes their mind, but he must've had these thoughts for quite some time, people usually don't make these kinds of decisions just out of the blue.

 

And its totally natural for you to feel so angry at him right now, because he did after all make that decision to leave after what he had told you. But like I said, he most likely did mean it, but those doubts just keep creeping in. You know how you feel so right about something but you have lingering doubts? He probably felt it was time to do something about it before the relationship got any further.

 

I'm sure this decision really is hard on him..of course, because he cares about you, and I can understand how frustrating it is for you to hear that but he's being honest with you and even if it was a hard decision for him to make, he made the right one if he had these doubts.

 

And you've had the experience of getting "out there" and finding out how hard it is, he needs to experience that for herself as well. Maybe he will find out its not at all what its cracked up to be, and come back. The grass is always greener on the other side, and sometimes people need to go and find out that it really isn't. On the other hand, he might enjoy being single. Everyones experience is different.

 

In order to move on from this, try to keep busy, hang out with friends and do things that you didn't get a chance to do during your relationship. Don't focus on being angry and frustrated at her. Its normal to feel that way, but try to focus your energies on you right now. Nows the chance to do whatever you want before you get into another relationship, whether its with her or someone else.

 

Doing these things will also help you with your loneliness. What helped me for example was hanging out with my friends (who I barely saw while in my relationship), I made new friends, I took walks, went to movies (yes by myself too), went to bookstores and coffee shops, etc..eventually you start to meet new people and make new friends.

 

You might also find out new things about yourself that you enjoy. You are also very smart in not settling for just anyone who comes along.

Rebounds rarely ever work. How long you should remain single is different for everyone.

 

Obviously while you are still very hurt, its best to remain single for as long as you need to heal. The best time to start dating again is when you feel ready to, and you will know when that time is right. Until then you most likely won't even be interested in dating or getting to know someone else. Now if for some reason you meet someone really cool that you might want to get to know, the best way is to be friends with them first, without the notion that it may turn romantic.

 

If you find yourself starting to develop feelings for that person and you want to spend more time with them, then you'll know its right to pursue something more.

 

Theres no easy solution to stop loving someone, God knows I've tried, but unfortunately you can't control feelings or emotions. Time is what you need in order to heal, take time out for yourself. unfortunately theres not a lot you can do to stop the pain except to keep busy and try not to be alone a lot of the time. When people are in a relationship, they are used to being with someone all of the time, and when they break up, they are all of a sudden alone most of the time and its hard for them and it makes the break up even more painful. If you don't feel like going out, go anyways, you will feel a little better, it does help to take the focus off of the pain and on her.

 

Its always hard to trust anyone after an experience like this but trust is earned..and communication is very important.

 

I don't think your ex finding anyone will make a difference (too much) when you want to move on, you will, no matter what.

 

Heb