need help on trust

[uofahotgurl]

hey everyone i have a question about the big "trust" thing.

 

How can I trust someone(that someone being my b/f) when he goes on trips (without me) when I can't even trust him when he is with me?

 

This is a real toughy on me and it drives me nuts. Please dont tell me the whole story about how I need to lose him because right now those arent my intentions.

 

Note: He goes away twice a year for bodybuilding and is around a girl I have numerously asked him not to talk too. I can't be there with him and I am going CRAZY. He tells me that he isn't talking to her but he has told me that before then came back and told me he was. But this time he is assuring me that he isn't. So how can I believe and trust.

 

please help!!! thanks!

[CrazyKarl13]

trust is up to you. no one can tell you how to trust or tell you what to do. it really is up to you. he needs to say it, or somehow show you that you have nothing to doubt or worry about. if he hasnt done any of those things, i can understand why it would be hard to trust him. but if you really love him, you can show him you love him by trusting him to go places without your consent or without you telling who to not talk to.

[daywalker]

There are a few questions that I would like to ask,

Why is it that you can't even trust him when he is with you?

What do you feel in your heart? Don't think how you feel because that's in your head, but feel it in your heart and find words for it, (feeling versus logic). I'll get back to this later!

 

Sometimes we often ask questions we already have answers to. My first impression would be, he has deceived you before. The flip side could be an insecurity issue based on fear, but that's another story. Based on what you've said we'll go with "he deceived you before"

 

I'll tell you one thing, he'll talk to her...she may approach him and you can't do a thing about it, so he'll reply in kind...no harm done. Then again, you must know something about her...perhaps she flirts with him and he flirts back or maybe you know through your inner sense that she'll take it deeper which may spell trouble!

 

If you don't trust your guy then you really don't have a relationship, you shouldn't have to worry like that, it's unhealthy...be honest to yourself. Let's take for one second your boyfriend is really cool and loyal to you...then what's up with the stress? Is your insecurity pushing him away?

Are you even happy with yourself? If your answer is "no" and "yes" respectively then you already have your answers.

 

You're not alone about this "trust" issue...trust me! If something has happened before then the key is to listen to your heart, it's holistic, it knows the truth and we all know the truth will prevail. So even if you denied it and kept it stored someplace in your subconscious, it will slowly come out and turn you into an emotional wreck because you'll always hope something will change for the better so you wait and wait and nothing happens but the same thing and the only thing you've accomplished is compromised your integrity.

 

It's confusing and it's hard to think straight, take time for yourself...get grounded and sort it out, is it really worth the stress? Next thing you know two months will pass and you'll look like you've aged five years! Oh that horrible thing called "stress"

 

One thing for sure, learn from your experiences otherwise you'll get a first class seat to the same painful lesson...ouch!

 

Take care and best wishes!

 

DayWalker