Ddog2296

Hey you weren't rambling at all Morrigan. What you said is just what I needed, thanks and I really mean it. People that I've talked to haven't been harsh about it and when you brought that up it was like a slap in the face.

I think you're right about the perfect angel thing. Tonight I was planning on, with her dad's permission, to wait at her house till she comes home. I had a poem and some flowers already picked out. Beginning of the grand gestures eh? But after reading your post I don't think I'm going to go through with it because the last thing I want is to push her more away.

Yesterday after talking to one of our shared friends I found out that she is starting to shun more people than just me. Phil, the shared friend, told me that he called her to see if she wanted to go do something two times this week and she told him she couldn't because she was with Sam. This is so weird because Ashley is always up to do stuff especially with friends.

I also learned today that Sam told someone he loved Ashley. This made me laugh because of all the past times Sam has "loved" people like the ones I discussed in my first post. In a way it makes me very angry because to me Sam has no idea what love is, it has just always been some sort of sick game he has played.

To me love is more than a feeling and more than emotion, its an eternal bond woven together from years of trusting, commiting, and sharing yourself with another person. So for him to say he loves her infuriates me and makes me want to strangle the life out of his pale little body.

Enough with the anger. I could go on all night. I have to get ready to go out tonight so I'm going to cut this short *lol*. I just wanted to know is it smart to keep talking with her parents almost everyday. I was like a son to them and her dad and I atleast go fishing or play pool every week. He's already said that he doesn't care for Sam, and if I keep doing stuff with him will it hurt any future chances of reconciliation with Ashley?

Just after I thought I had started to get a grip on myself I totally crumbled last night. After work I was hit by the loneliness again and cried for almost an hour.

This morning before school she handed me back the scrap book we put together on our fourth year anniversary. Its crammed with pictures and stubs to concerts etc.., the interesting thing is that there are some spots where pictures have been ripped out and some cards are missing. Anyways this hurt and I asked her why she didn't want to keep it. She said she didn't want to think about it and that she is happy now. What kind of answer is that?? I'm still confused on why she would want to forget everything we had.

I didn't push the conversation on I just let it drop and she walked away.

I've been thinking and maybe it's not her that is changing so much as it is myself. Like I said in my first post I've had some family problems the last 3 to 4 months and things have been hard for everyone involved.

I know I should just walk away and let time have its turn, but I love this girl so much. I feel if I walk away then I might close a door that I can never open again. I've been thinking about asking her to let me, if my family problems are the root of this, to show her that inside I'm still the person she fell in love with. I would do anything thing for this girl and if theres anything left in her that I can fight for I feel bound to try. Personally I'm not ready to let the past 5yrs end this way and I fell that deep inside she isn't ready either, and that what she is doing now is just a temporary fix for her feeling and that she isn't strong enough to face the reality of it all. Or maybe I'm not strong enough to face reality, I just don't know.

I'm setting up a date with a girl in our string orchestra for this weekend. It felt so bizzarre asking her and I'm not really sure how to treat her when we do go out. Any suggestions of what to do and what not to do?

Is time really what I should give this, I know everyone says it is but how can it work???

Hmm.. Well then I guess that's what I have to do. I've been telling myself everyday to just ignore it but god it's sooo hard, quite possibly the hardest thing i've ever attempted in my life. But starting tomorrow I'm really going to try I swear I am. I'm tired of everday going to school and feeling like a pile of crap, and probably making others feel bad also because attitudes have a way of rubbing off.

I just hope this all turns out for the best, everyone says it will but right now its difficult to see that far ahead. Today everytime I've started to drift off thinking about it I would grab my guitar and start playing or try to do some homework. Things are just so much different but I think I can do this.

Thanks for the support everyone, I'll keep developments posted

Hey thanks for the advice. What you suggested is probably the most and intelligent way to go about everything. It hurts more than any pain i've known before and all these emotions all at once so so hard to understand.

Over the past week I've spent hours reading over many of the posts here and I must say they have helped me greatly. Just to know at this paticular moment you're not the only one feeling this way taking a lot of the stress away.

Anyways I have another question about something that keeps bothering me. Today as I sat in class I was overcome by a feeling I haven't experienced yet. A feeling that makes me think if they haven't fooled around together (sexually) then I shouldn't give up hope of getting her back. Today I stared at her from accross the class and her eyes started to tear up. I'm not sure if this is because she is guilty about something, that she still feelings strongly for me, that she is regretting her decision, or maybe a mixture of them.

Right now, after thinking about all the feedback I've received, I think I'm going to give it a few more weeks and not worry about it. After that I want to confront her and ask her whats gone on between them. Then I want to try and set down with our parents, who have also been affected by all this, and lay out everyones feelings.

Certain pieces of this jigsaw fit together but I still don't understand why everything happened so fast after everything seemed so good, at least to me. I don't want to give up hope on her because deep down I believe if we make this work, and nothing happened between her and Sam, that in the future the benefits we will reap will be worth all the pain.

What do you guys think, any other suggestions?

You are probably right. After the argument i had with her the other day she tried to tell a few of my friends that i raised a hand to her. She's totally doing some nutty things. Anyone who knows me knows i'm not that kind of a person and the only person i've ever felt like hitting was that poor excuse for a person Sam.

I think the whole thing I told her about wanting to be her friend was for myself trying to keep some kind of attachment to her. I mean 5yrs gone in under 1 day is a hell of a lot to handel. Today I finally had the last of it for a while. I can't go on feeling this way it's interfering with everything I do and I am starting to get sick. So I told myself if she wants it that way then she can have it, screw em, what goes around comes around. Eventually they will both get back what they have done to me.

Deep down I really care for this girl. Already her grades are starting to drop and it angers me to she her like that. I worked with her too hard to help her maintain a 4.0 gpa the last three years to see it go down right before its all over. I keep telling myself it's her decision and some day she'll regret what she done. Maybe she will maybe she won't, I don't know but I need some hope.

Throughout school we've been the couple others have looked at and said "it is possible just look at them". Now after what's happened everyone is different people i never knew are talking to me about it. It's just a really big slap in the face and a lot to deal with. But for now I'm leaving it alone and devising a plan to drop Sam, right now so many people hate him for what he's done to me its easy to think of things to do. Is this the right thing to do? lol Most of the ideas aren't illegal.

This is the 11th day and I'm actually able to fall asleep without thinking about it for four hours.

First off let me thank you for the advice you gave me a day ago about my gf of 5yrs.

I know exactly how you are feeling in terms of commitment to a girl for so long, and I know how hard it is to think about her with someone else while she was seeing you.

As far as her mother goes she feels committed to her, and from what you've said she seems to think she is her's mothers only support in life.

Family ties are something that reach beyond love and in certain situations will make a person do things they hate to do. It seems like your girl wants to be with you, and if you honestly believe her when she said her relationship with the other guy had no touching then you have something to fight for.

Telling her not to call you at the time was probably the right thing to do. I know its hard now that you have all this time to think about everything and you probably feel horrible for doing it. But she needs time to think about whats going on also. Give it a week and if she doesn't call you back by then, then give her a call.

If you really want this relationship to work then its going to take a lot of time. But being friends with her at the moment might work against you, because if she still has your support she might use it to get over you instead of trying to get back with you. She needs her time to think and if she really wants you then things will work out.

In a couple of weeks if everything goes ok then i agree with a post earlier that you should try and set down with her mother and tell her how much her daughter means to you. If you can prove to her mother that you are trying to take her daughter away then she will ease up and allow you more room. Her mother probably sees you as a threat and her daughter is confused and doesn't know what to do because she feels committed to both of you.

I really hope this works out for you. But the best thing now is to give it a little time and not discuss it with her. Call her back in a couple weeks if she doesn't contact you and ask her how you guys can make it work.

Hey thanks guys. Today Ashley came to pick up the rabbit we had bought together. I told her she could have it if she wanted it. We had about an hour conversation about what she thinks she wants in life and have far ahead in the future she is concerned with. I laid it out. Told her exactly how I have been feeling and what I think about what happened. She said some things to me and I told her some things that we'll both regret, not to bad though. She ended up crying over it when my mother told her how she felt about it.

After we had talked I ended by telling her that whatever she needs to do to be happy she must do. I told her I didn't like the idea of it what so ever and I believe she should take some time before rushing into another relationship but whatever makes her happy is fine with me. I told her I didn't want her out of my life and in the future I want to be a caring friend.

First off let me apologize for how long this is going to be. This is my first post and after spending some time reading over things that are on these forums I don't feel as alone. So I feel like writing this all out. It may prove to be a comfort. It has been over a week since we broke up and I have had TONS of time to think everything over. Again I apologize for its length I just want people to understand the uniqueness of this case.

I'll refer to my ex-gf as Ashley and my not so good friend as Sam. Ashley and I met when she was 13 and I was 12. In the beginning as with any middle school relationship we were afraid of what was happening. The feelings were so new and everything felt so different. We didn't hold hands until about 2 months in and we didn't have our first kiss until about our first anniversary. I've never believed about rushing into anything and I'm a firm believer that if something is meant to be it will be. We had our first sexual experience 2 years in and, by god, I thought I finally had everything figured out. The entire experience felt right and to me the sex was secondary, because after our first time we sat there and cried together telling eachother how much we loved one another.

Also about this same time my "best"friend Sam started expressing feelings for Ashley. He would change his AIM name to Iluvashley and would send her drawn out emails about how he cared for her. Ashley came to me and told me about it and she ended up telling Sam that she wanted nothing to do with him. Sam and I broke off communication for about a month and we started talking to him. I told him that it was ok to have feeling for someone else but as long as he didn't act on those feelings we could still be friends, because everyone deserves a second change imho. Let me add here that Sam had used this same email technique to try getting with another girl who had a bf, who happens to be a very good friend of mine, a year before he started on Ashley. Finding out it didn't work there he gave up and and told the BF of the girl he was trying to get that he couldn't figure him out and could not understand him.

Anyways after I gave him that second chance Ashley and I became very close with Sam. He never really had a girl and at one time Ashley and I had talked it over and we felt sorry for the man. So when we would go do things we always invited him. The one GF Sam did have he treated badly used her for sexual favors and continually treated her like trash. I remember talking to her about Sam after they broke up and she told me that she felt Sam was confused and lost in self-pity.

Also around this second year Ashley started having family problems and was evicted from the apartement she and her mother lived in. To make things short she basically moved in with me and used my address so she could stay within our school district. She and I spent so much time together she became part of my family and her family and I became very close. Ashley went through 6 months of depression and I was there for her in every way. She wasn't a very plesant person to be around at the time but I knew I had to help her and stick by her, and so I did. I committed everything I had to that girl and ivested all I could emotionally, physically, and spiritually as I could.

Now I won't say that we haven't had our arguments because we have but they have been nothing serious. We have always been able to set down and discuss exactly what was the matter and together conquer anything. Which makes me wonder why she handled our break up in the manner she did (I will discuss details later).

Moving to the present. Over the past 4 months, or since school started, I have been having a rought time with all the college decisions, school work, and on top of that my step dad who is basically my family's sole provider was ordered to pay child support with money we don't have. So all the emotions have been building up and I told Ashley that if I was acting my normal self it was because of that and just to be a support for me to lean on until I figured out what to do. She told me she understood and she and I continued on as normal. We have been going to the movies and spending as much time as possible with each other, and Sam more that 50% of those times.

Our 5th year anniversary was the end of October. I baught her a rose and wrote a card for her as well as buying two pumpkins that we carved for halloween. She also wrote me a card in which she expressed how much she loved me and told me that she never --never-- wants to let me go. We cried together that day and spent the entire day remembering how much we meant to eachother. Everything seemed so swell and as good as ever. Until halloween day when my entire life was turned upside down.

After school on halloween Ashley drove me home and when we got inside my mother was bawling her eyes out. Confused and concerned I talked to her about it and realized that it was about the entire child support thing. This through me into crying and being depressed all over again and Ashley asked me later if I wanted to talk about it. I told her I didn't want to right then and I would tell her later after I have worked it in my head. I picked up my guitar about 15min later and started playing to relive some of the tension I had been feeling. At that Ashley gave me a dirty look and out of the house I put it down and went after her but she was already in her car and starting down the street.

This happened about 5:30pm on halloween she calls me at 12:30 am that morning and tells me we need to talk but she doesnt want to do it over the phone. I told her she could come over in the morning a couple hours before our weekly bowling league and we could discuss whatever it was she wanted to talk about she said ok and that she loved me and I told her the same and we hung up. That night I started freaking out because I didn't know what to expect. Eventually I convinced myself that it wasn't about breaking up or anything that serious. Let me add, that I had tried to call her cell phone all that day and she never had it on which is highly unlike her considering her parents make her leave it on all the time.

The next day she gets to my house at 8:30 a half an hour before our league started. I was so confused because she said she had something to talk about and only left a little time for it. We left for bowling right away and I hit around the bush on the way to the allies but didnt want to get her started about anything because she was driving. We arrive at the bowling alley and Sam comes up to me and pats me on the back and asks me if I am mad at him. Suspicous about things I start putting 1 and 1 together. After bowling I talk to Ashley and find out that she wants to cut it off and doesn't want to try and work it out because she feels we are drifting apart. I completely loose it and start crying and pouring out my feeling everywhere, we get to my house and she starts gathering up all of her things while I am in pain on the floor. She shows little to no emotion and just keeps telling me she is sorry.

Later I learn she had spent the previous evening with Sam and that she had feelings for him also and that they had kissed. I am just at a loss for how cold and insensitive they are both being about everything. I am filled with a fury unlike nothing I've ever felt before and it's all aimed towards Sam. I feel sorry for Ashley because I think she is confused and her feelings are very fickle at the moment. She has hurt me like no one in a way i've never felt before. I don't want to loose her because of all the time and memories we have shared. Our two families are very close and her father cried about this whole thing also. I don't want to see Sam do to Ashley what he has done to his previous GFs. I've tried to talk to Ashley about it in school but she doesn't even acknowledge that I am there. I feel betrayed by a friend whom I gave a second chance to and put so much trust in. I am confused because she never gave me an explanation and nothing makes sense. I treated her like a queen never hurt her physically or any other way I can think of. I've always tried to do what is best for her, and that's why I haven't contacted her in 3 days because I want her so bad and don't want to do anything to push her away more. I have held in my hatred against Sam and I don't know how much longer I can do it. Both of them in school act so cool about it as if everything is normal. This ordeal has taken a huge toll on both of our families and basically all of our friends. I feel as if the world is spinning and I can't stand up straight.

Ideas of everything have run through my mind. She told me it was nothing I done. And I don't understand why I deserve this. I am trying so hard not to do anything stupid because I am currently in a position to get valedictorian of my class and have my entire college paid for. But together Ashley and I applied to the same college and have both already been accepted. Like I said earlier it's been a week already and I miss her more than ever, at school it pains me to see them together holding hands after all she had told me in private. This is our first breakup of our relationship and our first break up of any relationship.

If you've read this far thank you very much. Is anyone else out there in this same kind of situation. What should I do for my self? I feel she is worth fighting for and I've never given up on anything, is she worth going after? I told Sam that he was a pathetic excuse for a person and I never wanted to speak to him again, was this right? Does she still care for me? Any ideas what she is thinking? I feel I offered her so much and got so little in the end. I have to be around them everyday at school in almost every class, how do I deal with that? I want Ashley to be happy but I want to be happy myself also. Does she still care for me? She doesn't show it.

I know I am young, only 17, and maybe I should meet other ppl. But this has put a wall of doubt in my heart and I know I will have trouble ever opening up to someone again. I want Ashley back so much but at the same time I'm tired of paining myself. I haven't ate much in the last week I get very little sleep and have horrible dreams. My school work is so had to concentrate on and I feel so lonely. I've surrounded myself with friends lately because I am afraid of myself when I am alone. Please give me advice WHAT DO I DO?!?!??!