Aonz

For a moment I was afraid to read your replies. I understand what you're saying I know I'm still young (although I sometimes feel old) and I want to be a better person but the direction my life is going somehow feels wrong. Maybe I should get professional help I think I may be in depression. I haven't cried for along time (maybe a decade) I guess it's just me been a typical man but I can't cry. (thats so soppy)

Hi I'm 22 and I've never had a girlfriend and I don't think I ever will. For one thing I know I'm ugly, I look in the mirror and I see this ugly person looking back at me. Sometimes it feels like the reflection isn't me. It's crazy I know, but it's like I may be in this body but it isn't really me. I ain't really a shy person I can talk too women but I've never asked one out and unsurprisingly none have asked me. I think it dawned on me when I was about 10 years old that I was ugly when the other kids at school (heard this before?) used too call me "frankenstein" (nice name ain't it). I pretended it didn't bother me I just smiled and joked as if I was a happy person and I act the same way today. But it did hurt and I sort of feel empty now, you know that feeling when your heart sinks? It's kinda like that but all the time. Now I seem to have gone numb inside, I don't seem to feel anything anymore. I'm in my final year of a degree but I don't seem to care if I pass or not. I know I should care but I just don't give a sh*t. If I can't share my life with someone what does it matter? I have no desire too be rich; I know money can't buy me love or anything that really matters. I won't kill my self I couldn't do that to my parents. But I'm not bothered if I die tomorrow, yeah I have a natural fear of death but I can't say my life ending actually bothers me. Thanks for reading my post I hope I haven't depressed you I don't really know what love is but I do know its worth more than all the money in the world.