There's this lady at the office whom I can't seem to get out of my mind of lately. At first, I wasnt at all attracted, admired her intelligence maybe, then it progressed to something kinky, and before I knew it, I was lusting after her, fantasizing about her, dreaming about her almost every night. But then, as the days went by, I could't help but think about her all the time. Seeing her everyday (sitting on the desk beside me) makes it worse. She's not that sexy or beautiful, but then probably it was reinforced by some of my curiousities about her.
For instance, she leaves some clothes (and underwear)she wore to office the previous day under her desk. It seems she's seeing and sleeps over with somebody on some nights (about which I feel rather more aroused about than jealous) and just changes in the office early next morning ( I know, I caught her many times coming in from the restroom with the other day's clothes on a bag). When everybody's not around I would sneak, steal her used underwear and masturbate with inside the john. Or snuggle it for the night only to return the next morning so she won't notice. I know this is sick already, but hey, that's why this letter.
Overall, I suspect she doesn't have a clue, and I don't show any signs that I'm interested in her sexually either. I'm just act naturally or play snub in her presense. We even had disagreements and arguments on office matters. Other than that, all I (can) do is just engage her in some conversation or walk/ride with her which is not too often. Everything's normal, I guess until now, when it's becoming more difficult to handle. Especially when there are days when we go out for a business trip together (Oh boy, how hot can you get!) though I still I manage to keep a comfortable distance and a mouth shut.
The thing is I don't want any trouble in the office. By telling her and if it spreads, it may ruin the good image that I project (I have a girlfriend by the way, who doesn't have a clue, officemate knows gf) and of course it may affect my relationship (I still love my girlfriend) which I was very happy and contented with until this supposedly petty "distraction" came along. Aside, the girl I'm lusting after is professional, private and very very nice person.
Please tell me how to cope with this uneasy feeling. I know I need to stop since it is not healthy for both my career and relationship. Writing this helps I guess, I but I really need plenty of advice. Can't afford a shrink, thus this post. Thanks for the support.
