Anonymous3

Second day 6 with her, first day 6 with NC from any of her friends or family...all of whom contacted to me, to see how I was doing ironically. It shocked them too.

Crap, I was doing so well today!!!

Hasn't even been a week since you told me that after some time this might be something we can work through...I still don't know what the hell prompted you to end it! And that's horribly frustrating. I'm supposed to sit here and blindly hurt, while giving you the space you asked for.

Two weeks since we split feels like a darn long time, I'm sure you don't feel that way...so I'll press on until you decide you want to tell me what's up, and whether or not you want to give it another shot.

Bad friggin day 3, all around...nothing good about it, whatsoever. Work sucked.

It's amazing how well I can be doing one moment, and how paralyzed I can be the next...I'd rather be going through withdrawal from some awful drug. At least then I could blame myself for inflicting this much damage.

I know exactly how you feel. I don't want my ex back. I don't feel the same way about her any more. But I'd love to talk to her and see her. Crazy eh!?

I don't know if I could every really trust mine again.

I have a very hard time telling someone that I love them, and to say it back for two weeks while having doubts about whether or not it's true...well, that's either cruel, or very juvenile.

Day 3, after breaking it saturday morning. Someone I spoke to who is close to her explained what they thought went wrong, so I offered my apology. I was assured that I did nothing, blah blah...still needs time.

Proceeding with a **** it attitude, because there isn't a single thing I can do about it. I plan on dropping the rest of my weight by the new year, if I hear from her great...she's going to have some explaining to do. If not, whatever...it's her loss.

hey anonymous, hit me up if you need someone to talk to every 10 minutes, haha.

 

day whatever, I'm still bummed but mostly indifferent

Yeah...I'm actually getting to the indifferent point myself. I mean, if she doesn't decide (for whatever reason) she wants to pick things back up, it's her loss...I would have given her everything, as I will with whoever I end up with.

I'm just going to continue working on myself...I have about 50lbs I could stand to lose, and a career that needs my constant attention. I mean hell, I'm in my very early twenties, I own my own home, I just paid off my car, my friends just graduated from college and I've been travelling the world on the company dime for two years...I should be thrilled with where I am.

your opening line made me laugh I have to say..!!

 

I know what you mean about needing to talk about this. I feel like I need a nurse or something..someone to look after me for a week. Sadly this is not gonna happen and I guess that's what makes us strong in the end. All I can do is send a CYBERHUG!!! x and hope for better days

 

Yep...I really wish I could just take a week off, and have someone by me every second that I could vent to. Of course, they would only be allowed to reassure me that everything will work itself out...I'm still not to the point where I can accept that it's over, mainly because she said it was just "for now." I just don't have it in me to trust her enough to believe that she wasn't just feeding me that line...if I'm right about her, she doesn't have that kind of lying in her.

 

Anyhow...I'm in one of those phases where I'm actually OK, so I had better get driving. I'm sure at some point today I'll be a wreck again, which is fantastic considering the work to be done.

 

Got one of those automated texts from my carrier about my plan, and my heart skipped a beat. I really hate technology sometimes.

day 31

 

It's been a week of feeling absolutely awfull. I'm not breaking NC. I feel totally lost and alone. I also feel low self esteem and lack of motivation. All the memories..how can it have come to this?

Sounds like we're all in the same damn boat.

Day 6 for me. I know she's sick with something, and I can't join her friends on facebook and tell her I hope she feels better.

To top it off, I got an awful nights sleep at this hotel, and now I have to go work all day...and it is sure to be a very, very long day.

I just wish I had someone to talk to every ten minutes...everyone I talk to tells me the same thing, but it is still comforting to hear people say this sort of thing happens all the time, usually works itself out sooner or later, just give her time and space etc. etc...

Day 5...

Still can't stop thinking about her, and I am absolutely miserable sitting in this hotel room. All I wish I knew is how she felt about all of this. She seems to be getting right along with her life, I can only hope that she hurts as much as I do right now...I'm managing to look happy and OK through facebook, etc. so it stands to reason she might be putting on a front too...I feel like such an ass for having to analyze this so much, I wish I could just tell her we need to have a talk so I can have some ACTUAL answers, and not cryptic garble...

I doubt she'll ever break NC unless she thinks something happened to me, so I will press on. I hate my life right now, I hate her for making me hate my life...and I want that structure back.

Day 4 for me...one of her friends and I have spoken, about something separate...with some of the relationship biz thrown in. Her mother actually used the facebook chat thing to check and see how I was, apparently she doesn't know what happened either.

I'm going to continue to give her space. It's looking more and more like she just needs to figure life out, given all that has happened...so I am going to give her that.

My NC is really for her sake. I'm going to give her the chance to take some space, miss me, and hopefully decide that once she has things all sorted out in her life she can find the room for me again.