Hi. I'm not accustomed to telling my story to such a wide audience, so I may ramble just a bit. I'm 17 years old and living a a fairly good life. I make straight A's, I'm involved with the Boy Scouts as a vollunteer (love it) and I tutor some. Great, right? Aside from my textbook over-achiever life, I'm also gay and depressed about it. I have no desire to be a homosexual, I never asked to be one, and would gladly trade it in for some other horrible defect. However, I am stuck with it. This is a problem, because my entire life focuses on two major goals: be active in Scouting and have a career in education. I can't do either one in my current state. Right now, consider yourselves quite privleged because you know more about my sexuality than even my parents do, and I really can't bring myself to tell them. For the past few months, I've started thinking more and more about really killing myself. I have perfect access to a gun, and I have also considered mixing aspirin and a few other things. I'm not prepared to face the remainder of my life, which could be quite long (I don't have any foreshadowing illnesses) as a gay man with no direction in life. I want to either achieve my two goals or forget about them and die. Am I shutting out my options? What AM I doing? I can consciously talk about this problem, but I don't even know what it is that's bothering me so much or how to go about solving it. All I know is that death would rid me of all these things. If I'm wrong, tell me so. I could use the information. I don't mind email, but replies are better. Any response would be appreciated. Thanks.
