takgirl

There are SOOOOOO many theories about this in the psych and medical field.... I'll just giveyou my personal experience. I find when MY sex drive goes downhill during a relationship it is usually a symptom of a larger problem within the relationship or within myself. I'm usually pretty freakin' angry at my partner, or scared, or both.... and there have been a few times when i was going through depression when my sex drive hit the skids.... For example: I've been dating this woman for 15 months. She is beautiful, intelligent an has a great job. She bought a brand new SUV and takes me out to expensive dinners all the time. She thinks that she is THE best catch out there. I, on the other hand, and VERY unsatisfied with this relationship. Our sex life SUCKS. She is demanding, only likes to do one thing in bed, and often feels like she's not "present" when we are making love. It is mechanical. I achieve orgasm because I want it for me, not because she does anything all that great for me most of the time. When I first met her, she was a mess. I avoided dating her for a while, really.. She was irresponsible, didnt have a job, ad drank ALL THE TIME. In fact, I casually mentioned I was hanging with some friends at a local sports pub, and she showed up there TRASHED... having driven 35 miles or so... Her excuse was that it was the anniversary of a traunmatic event in her life ... and thats what she does every year. She said she didn't want to be with anyone who drank a lot, and didnt want to drink a lot herself anymore. She said she was going to change her life. Well, she got a job, she cut down on her drinking considerably... but guess what? She was still irresponsible, not to herself ( she always pays her bills and can save money ), but TO ME. and this is only with her partying on the weekends. She has never had her drinking affect her job. AND TRUST ME, I HAVE MANY OF THESE STORIES FROM THE LAST 15 MONTHS .... She will go through times when she doesn't drink at all, which only last a few weeks at best, then she drinks and doesn't come home, or doesn't call me to say she's not coming home. etc..... Then, she will call late the next afternoon, we'll have a fight about her drinking and irresponsibility, she'll try to tell me I dont want her to have any friends, she'll try to put the blame on me, she'll sweet talk me, she'll come over to my house, we'll go out to an expensive dinner, and she will pretty much demand sex, or whine about it til I cant stand it anymore... and give in... or not... It happened forthe last time this past Sunday... Bottom line ? I JUST BROKE UP WITH HER ! Does it end there? Of course not... She called me twice so far ... and vaccilates between insulting me, blaming me, and crying and saying she has her faults... I can't imagine this ever working out unless she quits drinking and gets some help for her issues... This time, I am sticking to my guns... It went on too long, and it has hurt me emotionally, physically, and spiritually... So the point of my story is, look for other problems in your relationship, yourself, and also look at your job stress, family stress etc. Of course, if you don't feel well, go to a Dr. and be checked out..! Tak Girl