Hello, I am a twenty year old male, currently enrolled in art college, and living with my parents. I am single, have never had a girlfriend, and have never had sex. These issues have been concerning me lately. I know that I am not homosexual, for I have confronted this issue seriously many times, and definitely find myself attracted to the opposite sex.
I think that I have only recently become "attractive", though I am aware that looks alone are not sufficient for success. I also have overcome most aspects of my shyness, and have gained more weight and muscle. I have been observing that girls notice me, and are attracted to me. I receive signals, sometimes subtle, sometimes blatant, yet I have great difficulty in responding. I can feel the attitudes of girls toward me. I know that many attractive girls find me "sexy". My problem lies in myself, my own incapabilities, insecurities, and fears.
When a girl that I am interested in is approaching, I become nervous, and try to avoid eye contact. When a girl looks at me, I usually fail to look back, and shut myself away. When a girl talks to me, I do not catch on fast enough to the possibility that I am being hit on. I certainly feel that I am good at communicating, but only when I am not depressed. I sometimes believe that it is useless to try, or that the girl does not really like me and is just messing with me, or that it will be some other guy to succeed with her. I just have this overall sense of being defeated before trying.
My dilemma is that I have been experiencing difficulty in exercising my patience and perseverance. On one hand I feel that I want a girfriend, yet on the other, my confidence that it will ever happen is very low. I have no real friends, and I feel lonely when in a state of lowered consciousness such as I am experiencing. The trouble is that my issues are countering my efforts to reach higher consciousness, and I think that I need that higher consciousness to deal with my issues. This is creating a negative pattern in my life that I am finding very difficult to overcome.
I would appreciate advice that anyone has to offer, or links to sites relating the same problems that I have expressed. Thank you for taking time to read this post, it is much appreciated.