divinefuror

You know, I wish I knew. I think it's mostly based on a fear of getting hurt or hurting her...I just seem to be less interested in sex, or less actively desiring it. It's not that she just became unattractive.

Okay, this is my first post so I'll keep it short--.... I'm 28 and about to move several hundred miles from my home of 7 years to start medical school...a big change. In the leadup to applications and MCATS and everything last year, I met a lovely 20-yr-old and we started dating and yes, immediately became fused at the hip. We spent every moment that she wasn't in class and I wasn't working together, often to the expense of my other friendships and personal activities. Don't get me wrong! I didn't actively resent it, but maybe I did more than I know.... Anyway, we had these fantastical plans that on the surface, seem really reasonable. We'd move out there, she'd get a job, I'd go to class....voila...it would all be perfectly normal and workable....except that over the past two months since I was accepted, I began to seriously doubt it would. Her age. Her inexperience. My feeling of terrible guilt about the time we'd have to spend apart and taking her to a faraway place where she didn't know anyone...etc. So three weeks ago, after another one of our small, chronically upsetting arguments, I decided to end the relationship. I was wracked with pain. Literally, everyday afterward, despite everyone telling me I'd made the right choice, I felt devastated. I'd feel ok for a few hours, and then at night writhe around thinking, "I made the wrong choice! I don't know!" For her part, she was desperate to get me to change my mind. Now we're communicating again and have agreed on a contract-trial...seeing each other less, working on the problems that were affecting our relationship OUTSIDE of the future in medical school...etc. And this is what I want, except for two terribly needling feelings: 1. I love her, but I'm not sure I want her to come with me on this next phase of my life, so now I feel crazy with guilt that I'm giving her false hope only to dump her again. 2. I'm no longer sexually attracted to her. This is so awful I can't believe I'm typing it out loud, but it's true. I don't seem to be able to feel responsive sexually either when I see her or when I talk to her. I don't know what to do. I don't know that I need advice, just an outpouring. Can anyone relate?