Peace & my love to all of you! I'm so grateful to have found this forum for I've been suffering intensely in my private torture chamber. Yes, I know....MY CHOICE. For the record I never cry "victom," allthough I am crying out for directions, for I'm so lost.
My situation is so complex with twists & turns, if I gave you all the full story nobody would ever read my post.
In a nutshell, my husband is engulfed within a dellusion that I am and have been having an affair (with my "soulmate") for over a year and this other man is the one I truly want, thus my husband is merely transitional man to me.
Guinevere's reaction----------->
I am 100% loyal to Jude & have always been. Jude is the apple of my eye!!!!! I can't fathom ever being with another man, thus I'm internaly dying.
I am subjected to constant (every day!) intolerable verbal punishment, absurd accusations, demeaning insults, ect.... It's a living hell as I'm left feeling as though my soul has been torn out as I cry endlessly, shake violently & hyperventilate. I'm dumbfounded. WHY???? It's beyond unjust! I'm innocent of every single accusation Jude has ever made. I feel exactly as those who are wrongly imprisioned.
I've suffered from a minor breakdown (impaired functioning), breaks from reality due to emotion stress as well as 1 suicide attempt.
The catch is that life without Jude, to me, is a far more excruciating nightmare to face. This is why I'm still married.
I'm VERY AWARE that I'm beyond co-dependent,emeshed, addicted & obsessed. I reek of unhealthyness!!!!!
I guess I'm simply looking for some input. What doe my situation look like to outside parties? How severe is the psychological abuse? Is my co-dependency keeping me in the marraige?
I'm so used to the pain, tears, loss of all faith, ect that I can no longer look at my life accurately. Anything..... comments, opinions and/or suggestions are gratefully appreciated.
P.S...........Jude suffers from an undiagnosed psychological disorder & of course medication (ordered by 2 doctors & 1 therapist) are refused.
Aarrrggggg.........This is WAY TOO LONG!!!!
Sorry all! If this goes unread, I don't blame you!
Thanks for being here.......I wish you all Serenity & magic!!!!!!
Guinevere
