Bijoux

BTW,

If you're in an interracial pairing, would you want to be referred to as an interracial couple, or just a couple?

I think the term age-gap is equally tedious. It denies other facets of the relationship.

Thanks a bunch Dako.

Yeah, I agree. We give an overwhelming importance to the gap factor, like if it was what defines absolutely everything else between you and the other person.

It's really not. This may sound cliche, but if I get along with someone I've met online, the age is the last thing on my mind. If I can talk, laugh thru things, feel aroused or intelectually stimulated... well I'm not gonna change all that for some dude that is supposedly more "convenient" for me just because he is around my age... and... that's it.

A twenty something is not necesarily a better choice, just because he doesn't look like my father

Don't mention it to anyone again because it's NOT relevant, NOT an issue, and none of their business, unless you invite others to make it a problem by raising the issue.

SO TRUE.

Me and everyone out there in this situation should remember that.

I keep having this image of people laughing at that 14 year old skinny kid trying to be a tough man...

 

Everyone around me is bigger than me and i never see anyone skinny in australia... its intimidating, is this what its like to be skinny?

Listen, noone cares. Luckily you are not a public figure or the center of the universe. People is really too busy minding their own insecurities like for wasting more than 30 seconds minding yours. So what if they think for a second that you are 14? It's not gonna kill you, get over it.

Life it's intimidating itself. All of us have insecurities. If it's not too skinny, it's too fat, too short, too tall, too much of a virgin, too old, too young, too inexperienced, too many pimples... Is not about your looks, is about the attitude you have towards difficulties in life. Those are not going away. But all those silly demons in your head can go for sure when you decide to pop 'em off.

However, don't invite them to comment. If you ask their opinion, that is inviting comment, which might be a good or bad comment. If you just do what you do, then they can see by example that it works for you and then will either learn to accept or ignore it.

Guess I made a silly mistake, that is, telling friends, by showing off this guys's picture LOL I know, I know.... Is just that, there's a hunk in my mail and I want everybody to know

Nah, seriously. By their reactions and stuff I really did learn that the best policy it to keep it to myself. Only mentioning appears to be like an invitation to be judged, which can be really really annoying, and completely unwanted.

There is 28 years age difference between my parents - and they've been married for 44 years almost. So I'm not as shocked as you thought you would be....

 

Good luck!

That's rare. You have seen posts in here with people saying that 4 years is a gap yes? LOL Age differences and age gaps are not the same thing I guess...

Thanks

I learned not to raise age-gap issues because they can get very unpleasant sometimes. Yet, if you just do as you please and don't ask for opinions, you can avoid most controversy. That's not just true of age-gap issues, it's true of many things.

 

However, I can understand why you started the thread. I hope it does you some good.

As I said, is not for validation. I don't look for that, I know is impossible trying to keep everybody happy. I have the right to live my life and make my own choices/mistakes as long as I'm not directly affecting a third party.

This is more about curiosity about an uncharted territory for me: older guys. As the questions I asked to Dako in a previous post. LOL, I know they're just people, but I can't help to feel like we come from different universes at times, because of the major difference in life experience and such.

You are an adult and you can choose who you want to date. However that does not mean that people are going to comment on it. That you cannot stop. If you want to meet this man then do so, it is your life to live.

I know. People will never shut up. If it's not the age gap, it's because you are too fat, too thin, too gay, too white, to latin, to tall, too short, too single, too unemployed, too underpaid, too undergraduate... Yeah, in the end it is OUR lives.

Thanks DW.

By not asking for approval, nor soliciting opinions from the masses, they end up receiving more tolerance as a result, and less conflict...do what you want with who you want, assuming you are both consenting adults, and don't ask for others opinions about it...

That is so true Charley...Wow!

This thread is interesting, but it's also provacative. Why provoke controversy? Are you asking for permission or approval from the majority? You don't need it. Asking for it only invites intolerance.

I'm not trying to provoke controversy, although I completely understand that there are rather conservative people out there, and there's nothing much I can do about it. I don't feel I'm asking for validation either... I didn't say things like "please tell me that I'm not looking for a daddy by doing this..." If I finally decide this person is worth it, I don't care if there are angry mobs with torchs outside my house LOL Perhaps I'm just sharing?

However, why tell us the age diff at all? Why not just do it? If you really are as self assured as you seem, then why not just do it and not raise the issue publicly? Why invite controversy, unless you really are looking for opinions.

I need an unbiased point of view from the outside. Just to see if I'm ignoring something important towards all this, is more about not wanting to make a huge mistake rather than needing validation from the public. That's why I said I was looking for insight, thoughts, and not opinions, judgements or permission...

See, if I hadn't posted this, I wouldn't have received great insight like yours Charley. It is worth it, even if it means I'm gonna receive crap from other people along with it.

Thanks a bunch, I really appreciate it.

I see you are hot fossil yourself.

What could you possibly see on a rugrat besides the trophee tush?

Wouldn´t a woman around your age be much more adequate in all aspects? Wouldn´t you end up feeling lonely and like you have to be babysitting most of the time?

OK, I´ve seen people in this board freaking out about a 7 years gap, calling it huge and junk...

Well, here´s a biblical gap so you guys trully freak out on me: I´m 23 and he is 50, you do the math.

We´ve only been exchanging emails and pictures, and by now I´m really into him. What can I say? I´ve been getting to know him, and so far, I like what I see. A lot. Both, inside and outside. He´s truly creative, talented, and he is... *sigh*, pretty much a hunk. He does not look younger than he is, but he does look hot as heck.

He lives in another continent and there´s an ocean between us. What do I expect from all this? I´m interested in getting to know him, and spending time with him if possible. I´m not wife nor mommy material, I´m not a hubby huntress, and I´m not eager to find a potential long lasting relationship or whatever.

I´ve heard before the whole "Lolita looking for a daddy" and "Lonely old fart looking for an ego boost" stories, so please don´t go there.

Guess I´m looking for some kind of "outside the box" insight, rather than going all over again thru the traditional taboos about old blokes doing little girls.

Thanks