Emerged

I can totally identify... My partner hasn't initiated sex in over 4 months... He came back from a relaxing vacation and we had a spike of activity, then he returned to his hectic job situation and it all went bye bye... again. If I initiate, set the stage, or even just ask it happens. When it happens it's great, fantastic, every time. But this one-sided thing is driving me crazy! It was more 50/50 in the beginning of our relationship. Then I noticed I was the one always having to ask or make the moves. The worst was on his birthday about a year ago... I got myself all readied, washed, primed, and dressed in an outfit that was easy access. Then we went to the movies, seats far away from everyone else, and I tried sliding his hand up my leg... (he has a little repressed exhibitionist streak). He copped a feel and then pulled away... That was that. When we got to the car I opened my clothes and put his hand in my lap, to which he responded by saying "stop it" like I'd done something wrong... Needless to say I was angry and devistated. We had a fight over it. After a couple of weeks of me going nuts with paranoia, "is he cheating on me"? and checking his computer/email I was put at ease. (And I know it wasn't the nicest thing to do by invading his privacy but talking had no effect whatsoever) and I knew if he was getting it somewhere else he wouldn't admit it. So anyway, things calmed down a bit. We did it infrequently when I initiated it 90% of the time. Then, like I said, he came back from a vacation more centered and calmed than he's been in ages and we had a wonderful time for a week or two. That was about 4 months ago... I've tried initiating (very subtly) which he just doesn't seem to pick up on at all. I even asked him to join me in a bath but, well, he declined, didn't seem to "get" my drift... I've talked to him about my feelings and listened to his. It seems he's carrying some baggage fears/insecurities from his past and emotionally reacts to those rather than me and the present situation... He completely refuses to go into the deeper issues or details at all. If I push it gets a bad reaction. So, here we are. I'm feeling like we're drifting farther and farther apart, feeling insecure, feeling like I'm unattractive or somethings wrong with me. We have a great life, we're great partners with one another, but it's like there's this big pink elephant in our living room and neither of us aknowledges it. I'm hoping that with his change of job (he's had a horrible work situation since we met and is now leaving the place) that he'll calm down and we may get a little more 50-50 going. If not then I guess it's off to couples therapy... -Emerged