Allie.

hang in there love.

haha. hmm. i think a lot of guys do the same thing...

either way, i don't think its a gender-based thing...i just think deep down inside we're all confused messes trying to discover who we are and our "niche" in the world...and in the process we end up loving some and hurting some.

yup bro...ya lose some and ya gain some. =/

Allie.

aww i'm sorry.

i've never experimented with my hair. the furthest i've gone is...a hair cut.

wow...we really didn't belong with those people [= i think thats why they're called ex's.

^^ wow.

i wish i had a story like that to tell to my...pup.

Hahahahahahahahahahahaa!

i think thats closure for you.

i think you need to start NC and stick with it for the time being.

i think this activity is very healthy for you. its good you listed the pros and cons from both point of views. it shows you are a considerate, level-headed person. [=

good for you.

keep up the healing chica.

i think you said it just fine [=

that's a very good way to look at it crvers...we should definitely try to look at it from our ex's point of views as well.

=]

hahaha. well. i think you attained some "closure".

now its time to move on and STICK to NC red. i'm holding your word for this one...

allie.

hmm. i think you jumped into a rebound relationship. I think evaluating your intentions needs to be done. like, are you in this because you're afraid to be alone? single?

you have to give yourself some time to heal. jumping into a rebound relationship will only hurt you. think about it as this analogy...

would you try to arm-wrestle if your arm is broken? Of course not. Don't set yoruself up for further pain in the future.

and i don't think you've hit the worst part of healing because...you're not allowing yourself to heal. HEALING helps you REALIZE that its okay to be ALONE. and you're not physically or emotionally alone. So...if i were you, i would break it off with this guy and be fair to him and yourself. YOU come first. right after a break-up, its supposed to be about YOU, not about your ex.

..Always,

Allie.

OHHH.

adlkfjalkdjfklajdfugh

i can totally relate to the last one. my ex's brother talked him into it too. roar.

but then again...i need someone who can make their own decisions and stick by them. unfortunately my ex has a lot of growing to do...i mean, he is a boy stuck in a man's body.

To look at this a bit more postively, I think we should all list at least three reasons our relationships ended for the best..this doesn't necessarily include bashing your ex's...but its permitted [=

For me:

- we were both on different maturity levels.

- he was unsure of what he wanted out of the relationship.

- we were too different.

no its not considered stalking...

but if you have a psycho ex-girlfriend...it may be [=

haha. consider yourself GONE! be glad you're far away from her. run fast.

allie.

hmm. i went thru all the stages in waves for about more than one month and now, i think i'm constantly changing between depression and acceptance...but these days....the depression and acceptance ratio is like, 1:10. I feel depression once in every so 10 days of acceptance [=

life is goood.

Allie.

red. i'm soo sorry. hang in there bud. please please please dont break NC! she doesn't want you around. hang in there. you can make it on your own. you were just fine before her and you'll be just fine after her. hang on!

no prob. ur exactly right.

we WILL get through this red. [=

"just because we don't feel like we're going to heal doesn't mean we never will."

..Allie.

^ hey red, i know the feeling. this is gonna sound super weird but it helps so to heck with that. anyway, it is possible to have physical pains when being emotionally attached....to ease those pains, you have to breathe deeply and slowly a couple of times. [we only take up 50% percent of lung space when we normally breathe] Make sure you get a 100% in there so that your heart can slow down because there is more AIR to deal with. And also, place your hand where it hurts on your body...its said "touch" can do "wonders". It's true in my case. My hand seems to give off heat that warms the hurting parts of me and it really helps in the end [=

always,

Allie.

exactly redmage [=

you're gonna be just fine. and I can tell miss chloe here is missing out because you're such a nice, caring, sweet guy. you wouldn't be posting here if you weren't and from getting to know you thru your posts...you've got a heart of gold. I don't even know why chloe broke it off w/ you. I mean...i've never been in a relationship with you so i wouldn't know...maybe you're a complete different person in a relationship...BUT I DOUBT IT WITH ALL OF MY HEART. hahaha. You don't seem bipolar or suffering from mulitple personality disorder [= So ITS HER loss cuz YOU, mister, are a great, loving, friendly guy [=

always.

Allie

Mkay. Redmage, she was probably a GREAT person. I don't doubt it one bit...but...its over. I know you miss your friendship with Chloe. Of course, I understand because I was/am in the SAME damn position. Here is some advice about becoming "friends" after the break-up. This article helped me alot when i was having doubts... I hope it'll help pal.

and don't forget the advice you gave me....

Allie I read the post and... it's uncanny. We've went through the SAME EXACT THING. Except I rejecting her vie for friendship. I couldn't trust her. I wanted her all or nothing. Not a little snack in between. We were also best friends. We also loved each other. But I asked myself when she broke up with me, what would I gain by being with her?

 

Nothing, that's what.

 

Allie, the question from me to you is, what do you want from a friendship with him? And, more importantly, what do you NEED

It's the dreaded four-word phrase… "Can we be friends?" It's a classic break-up line, but it's also an issue that must be faced when a relationship hits the rocks. In reality, the questions ought to be "should we be friends?" And, if so, "how will we define that relationship?" Below are some points to ponder when facing the partnership to friendship dilemma.

 

Take Care of Business:

 

Whether it's a marriage or simply a significant partnership, there are issues that you must manage when the romance ends. In the case of divorce, there is a legal process to manage. There may be property to divide. Decisions may have to be made about mutual friends and whether those relationships can continue. Focus first on the "business" of ending your relationship. It is your responsibility to manage this process with knowledge and dignity.

Take Care of Yourself:

 

Your first thought should not be about the place your ex will hold in your future. Focus on healing yourself. Take time to reflect on the relationship and learn the inevitable lessons that arise from that experience. Use your support network to heal emotionally. Use exercise, hobbies and your favorite activities to keep yourself physically active and vibrant. In most cases, you can't rely on your ex to help you recover or to garner closure. Fix yourself first.

 

Evaluate Your Intentions:

 

When approaching a friendship with an ex, take time to understand your motives for pursuing that relationship. Remember what defines a friendship: conversation, connection, support and mutual interests. Again, if your motive is to seek closure, "check up" on your former partner, rekindle your romance or inflict some sort of revenge on the one that wronged you, it is probably best to let more time past. If you are truly friends, time will not diminish that connection. Don't rush into something that is unhealthy or dysfunctional.

Assess Their Value:

 

From time to time, we all clean out our closets, getting rid of the clothes that no longer suit us. Too often, we don't do this with our friends and acquaintances. It is important that we fill our lives with people who bring value to our existence. Make a list of pros and cons to nurturing a friendship with your former partner. Realize that the same reasons that led to the relationship's end may be the factors that make a friendship with your ex unbeneficial. Be prepared to acknowledge the fact that someone who was a critical part of your past may not have a place in your future.

Set Rules and Stick By Them:

 

It happens all the time. You meet with a partner from the past for a friendly drink. One drink turns into six. Suddenly the time machine has been ignited and you are making mistakes you'll regret in the morning. Especially in the early stages of the friendship transition, it is important to set ground rules. If at any point in the evening your feelings shift to an unbalanced state, stand firm and go home. Set limits on your interaction if necessary to keep the situation platonic and positive.

shucks! I was supposed to post that on the "Question about everyone doing NC?" post so missme could read it. rawr. either way...

aww no problem & yes. I understand [= just hang in there bud. we're all here for you. but please don't break NC again...i know it may be specially tempting right now cuz you prolly wanna know as much as you can about her and this other guy but just remember 2 things...wanting and needing are different things and of course...if you broke your arm...you wouldn't try to arm-wrestle...

always,

Allie'zter.

Hey...didyoumissme? and redmage22 i have some thing that will hopefully help you...

Always,

Allie.

Mkay...didyoumissme? and redmage22 I have some advice for you both that I found around a thread. Mkay?

always,

Allie.

I said, "Yes. I do miss my best friend. But how much time are we going to need?"

hey wait a minute bud. Why are you giving her the upper hand here? Isn't "how much time are we gonna need" up to you though? She's the one that broke it off. it seems in a normal break-up, the dumpees are usually the ones that need time to heal and recover and its usually up to THEM to go back and become friends with the dumpers. hmm?